TheBanyanTree: Storm Brewing

[Margaret R. Kramer]

In this winterless winter, a winter storm is approaching as I'm trying to
leave Minnesota for a work trip to North Carolina.  I'm excited and nervous.
It's my first trip for work, so I'll be meeting our client for the first
time, and during this trip, I'll continue learning and defining my role on
the team.  I'm sad because I'm leaving Ray for a week and in that sense the
week will drag on forever.

The part of my job that I'm having the most trouble with is working with my
team lead.  She's very controlling, moody, and sends vague and often
unreadable messages about what my tasks should be.  I suppose she's the
exact opposite of what I would define for myself as a good leader.  (She's
not my boss, she's the checkpoint person for our subsystem).

If I somehow miss one of her "ill defined messages," she gets very angry and
it's all my fault that the task isn't done to her specifications.  I know
she's very insecure and she covers up her insecurity by setting up
guaranteed to fail scenarios so she can blame me or whoever else.  It's
quite frustrating for me, because I'm not on solid ground with own job and
I'm trying to learn as much as I can as fast as I can and I'm just as
insecure as she is.

Because of my own insecurity, I don't have the confidence to just let her
stuff roll off my back and let it go.  Instead, I get very angry when I'm
caught in one of her "guaranteed to fail" scenarios, and I internalize it,
and I don't confront her.

I've never really had a problem getting along with "difficult" people until
recently.  I'm wondering because of my advanced age, that I just don't have
the tolerance for goofy behavior because I know all that posturing doesn't
really "buy" anything, or that I'm getting to the point where I just want to
do things on my own and I'm becoming a "difficult" person myself.

As much as I dread this trip with her, at the same time, I think it's a good
opportunity away from the office to work through some of these issues.  I
talked to my own team lead about this (she worked with this person prior to
me, so she knows exactly what I'm going through) and she gave me some good
ideas on what to do and what worked for her.  We'll see.

Margaret R. Kramer
margaretkramer at comcast.net

http://www.polarispublications.com
Be a star!

http://www.bpwmn.org
Business and Professional Women of Minnesota

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