TheBanyanTree: It's Fair Time

[B Drummond]

   I was the heartland of America this week, passing time at Des Moines  
and other areas, taking in, for one, the Iowa State Fair.

   If you've never been to a state fair like the one mentioned above  
you are in for a treat.  The sights, sounds, and smells will stay with  
you for years afterward.  The day I was there the crowd swelled to over  
100,000.

   Ever had a pork chop on a stick?  It's one of the most popular food  
items being chomped on and carried by attendees.  Eschew pork?  How  
about a smoked turkey leg, cooked to a deep brown, the base wrapped in  
tissue paper and the people biting down on them and carrying them  
around looking like neo-cavemen ('cept cavemen/cavewomen didn't wear  
tee shirts that said things like, "I'm With Stupid" did they? ;-)

   Deep fat fried pickles anyone?  or deep fat fried Snickers, Baby  
Ruth or other candy bars?  Yep, the vendors are in abundance.  Of  
course there's less exotic foods as well, like pizza, hamburgers, hot  
dogs, kettle corn, barbecue, candied apples and the like.

   And it being summer and all, the ladies are dressed in a manner that  
helped to keep them cool while walking the miles away trying to get  
their money's worth by seeing every inch of the fair.  That was an  
added bonus for the male of the species that attended.  There were some  
fine looking ladies there.

   Of course at a state fair in the Midwest there are animals, too. No  
pets are allowed but there are animals everywhere -- from the humongous  
to the micro-miniature.  Porkers and steers, llamas and emus, pigeons  
and partridges, dogs and cats, and you name it.  From blue ribbon  
winners to those that should be in Ripley's Believe or Not.

   And there are vendors of all sorts about in official stands.  It's  
like a flea market on steroids.

   Did I mention the smells of barbecue being smoked, kettle corn  
cooking, hamburgers on massive outdoor grills, perfume, sweat, a  
hundred different types of animal manure, (and the occasional whiff of  
human waste when one happens upon the portapotties that been filled to  
overflowing and percolating in the August sun) sawdust from various  
hard and soft woods, diesel smoke, stale beer, and the occasional  
upchuck from a bad meal combination.

   And did I mention the life sized butter cow sculpture?  Yep, a lady  
has been carving out a full size dairy cow made out of nothing but  
butter every year now for the fair for almost 5 decades.  She typically  
carves a life sized butter celebrity for the fair as well.  This year?   
Tiger Woods holding a tiger by a leash.  You gotta' see it to believe  
it.

   Anything new?  Why yes, they've added the outhouse races.  You  
haven't lived until you get to see outhouses zooming around an obstacle  
course in the Grand Concourse and witness the mad dash to the finish  
line to be the top outhouse on wheels. The cheering crowds were flushed  
with excitement.

   There's live music, canned music, bad music, great music, and music  
for just about any taste. Like to dance?  Go ahead with yo' bad self  
and break out in a rug-cutting session where you are and when you feel  
like it. Ain't nobody gonna' notice and ain't nobody gonna' care.

   The Iowa State Fair: For the price of admission you can become a  
part of the sea of humanity enjoying an unforgettable experience and be  
fairly entertained.