TheBanyanTree: life...

[Sachet]

Some pathways in life are never easy. You have to cope with the hand 
you're dealt ...even when it keeps changing.

My mom.

I had mentioned before, the unexpected blessings that have arisen since 
she had her succession of strokes the April before last. She's so 
incredibly nice now! No more bracing for inexplicably hateful phone 
calls, attempted suicide, bi-polar episodes, etc.  Naturally, I love 
these aspects. It's been healing and soothing, if slightly 
disconcerting, to adjust to the changes during the last year and a half.

She called tonight, to check on me. She was worried about all the storms 
in the area. As does tend to happen during most phone conversations, 
since the strokes, she gets caught in a cycle of words and will often 
repeat herself. It frustrates her and I have learned how to gently lead 
her into new pathways to break the cycle, so she doesn't feel 
self-conscious.

I don't know why tonight it hurt so much more to talk with her. I guess 
accepting the changes and realizing that, yes, she is pleasant and 
caring now...but she's also helpless in ways I am not used to. And I 
guess part of it is wishing for her sake that the strong will and 
hell-bent-for-leather obnoxious personality was there if it made her 
strong and capable again.

Sometimes we get part of what we wish for....

And then we find that it comes at a price we didn't expect.

...Sachet