TheBanyanTree: Lap Cat

[Mark Funk]

A few weeks ago my wife and I "adopted" a short hair cat named Bentley  She is about a year old.  As I told my coworker, who offered the cat for "adoption," I wanted an affectionate lap cat, not one that would be aloof and distance itself from us.  My coworker assured me that the cat was affectionate but stopped short of saying she was a lap cat.
 
After she acclimated to our home and other pets, we found her to be both affectionate and entertaining but she did not want to sit on our laps, at least she did not want to do so until last night.
 
However, before I tell you the rest of the story, as Paul Harvey would say, I want to tell you or remind you about a Saturday Night Live skit first broadcast a couple of years ago.  Please forgive me if this strikes you as crude, but in the skit, one of the Baldwins (I mix up which one is which) played the owner of a company that made holiday snacks.  He was a guest on a PBS coffee hour talk show hosted by two rather naive women.  During the interview he told about the snacks produced by his company.  His and the company's name was Sweathe and his main product was cheese balls or as he and the two women repeated over and over: Sweathe balls.  The product name allowed the characters in the skit to use thinly veiled innuendo to talk about "the product" and what they would do with it.
 
Now for the rest of the story.  You can probably already guess where I'm going with this, but here goes.  In the middle of the night, last night, Bentley decided to become a lap cap.  She chose my crotch as her "nesting place," and proceeded to make herself comfortable.  At first, I was comfortable as well, but soon found myself discarding my bedding and started to squirm around from the fury insolation.  The SNL skit and the term parboiled leapt to mind.
 
After what seemed like an eternity and a lot more squirming, Bentley departed, without deciding to "sharpen" her razor like claws, and I was finally able to go back to sleep.
 
Although I still want her to be a lap cat, I don't want to relive the SNL skit.  As I'm not sure if she will try this lap position again, I may need to consider some protection.  Does anyone know where I can get an air conditioned athletic cup?