TheBanyanTree: Glass Half Full

[Theta]

I understand what you are going through, Tom.  I have written a little 
about my dad, who is 86 and in the early stages of Alzheimers.   We still 
spend time together, going to lunch or out for a drive, but it is a real 
challenge for me to have the same conversation 20 times and still answer 
his questions the 20th time as if it was the first.  It just makes him sad 
if I let him realize that I've answered that question already.  He's fairly 
content with the assisted living facility where he lives, especially now 
that he has a girlfriend.  She calls him Beau (his name is Milton) and he 
calls her Norma (her name is Jeannie) and they both seem perfectly content 
about the name mix-ups.  They hold hands, take naps in front of the 
television and everyone on the staff thinks they are very cute 
together.  Jeannie's family is delighted that the two of them have taken up 
with one another, because she has managed to escape from the 3 previous 
places she lived, but with Father there she doesn't wander.  If they do go 
out walking, he will tell her that they can't walk through the automatic 
gate at the driveway; they have to find the pedestrian gate.   There is no 
pedestrian gate, so after they have looked for it for a while, they get 
tired and come in and take a nap.

One thing I have discovered with this erosion of memory is that he is aware 
that he doesn't remember all the details, so he "fills in" the gaps and it 
is unkind of me to try and straighten him out.  He is happier if I just 
agree with his world view.   A frequent issue is his truck.  Jeannie 
decides she wants to go somewhere, to the "club" or to Rapid City, and they 
will go out to the parking lot to look for his truck, because he's going to 
drive her there.  When they can't find it, he comes in and calls me.  I can 
tell him we sold his truck because the doctor took away his driver's 
license, which is the truth, and make him very upset and angry because he 
doesn't understand why that should have happened.  Or I can tell him that 
the truck is at my house and I'll bring it over in an hour or so, knowing 
that he will hang up the phone happy,  go play bingo or watch tv or listen 
to the gal who plays the piano in the lobby, and forget all about the 
conversation in 15 minutes.  So the truck is at my house and I'm bringing 
it over as soon as I finish what I'm working on.   Somehow I never thought 
this would be my relationship with my dad.

I've been scanning boxes and boxes of old 35mm slides, some of them dating 
back before the war.   I put them on a disc and take the laptop when I go 
spend time with him.  We look at the new ones I've scanned and he tells me 
stories about them that I write down as he talks.  His far distant past is 
still very bright in his memory, and exploring the past is happier than 
trying to deal with the present.

Theta