TheBanyanTree: Commiseration....

[bluenosr at ns.sympatico.ca]

I don't know about you, but I learned young not to complain, moan, 
gripe, or otherwise bitch about things.  It wasn't polite.

Gradually, I learned you could do this under certain circumstances.  
For example, when talking with like-minded people also griping.  You 
know, like the cost of gas going up... whatever.

And I learned there were certain people, not many, who accepted your 
winge-ing, let you tell it as you see it, and commiserated with you.  

Sometimes, even when they didn't agree with you!  Good friends.  But 
often times they're gone, moved on, etc., as have most of the ones 
I'm talking about.

To compensate, I often resort to saying my piece out loud when I'm 
alone.  Sometimes I simply rant, sometimes I tell someone off.  

I have a couple of really close buddies with whom I've shared a lot 
of life's Stuff and can say just about anything.  But can I complain? 

No.  I'm not talking about the weather here.  I'm talking about 
something I've been thinking for awhile and want to share it.  My 
complaint is either ignored or dismissed.  If the latter, it's 
usually done with a couple of words which give me the idea that my 
feelings aren't valid.  Each time I really need to gripe (I'm talking 
about something in MY life, not hers or ours) and I decide I have to 
try again, I get the same response.  So, I say never again.

But I do it again.  And again.  Mind you, 'again' is usually a couple 
of years later!  I'd kinda forgot about my resolve, and did it again 
the other night.  Damn!  And then I thought about this situation for 
a couple of days and I've come to a couple of conclusions.  (Got 
'couple' on the brain tonight!)

One is that it's highly likely that this friend can't do this.  
Doesn't know how.  Doesn't think that I might need a verbal shoulder 
for a minute.  It's not in her makeup, even tho she's a great friend 
in other ways!

And the other conclusion is that there's a whole bunch of folks out 
there in a tree who are superb listeners and commiserators, able to 
give just the right "There There", "Here's a hug", or Kill the 
slimeball!"... or whatever seems to be needed!!  

Just had to toss my thoughts out there to the breeze.  : ))

Carolyn


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Carolyn A. Johnson
bluenosr at ns.sympatico.ca