TheBanyanTree: It's a Monster Day

[Monique]

Monster, as in energy drink. I used to drink Amp, or Red Bull, and still
drink Amp if there's no Monster available, but today will be, I'm pretty
sure, a Monster sort of day.

How do I know this? It's 4:48 am (according to my reliable laptop), and I'm
awake. Have been since 3:00 am (or thereabouts) when my dog, the
incomparable Honey, let it be known that it was time for her to go out to
the deck to sleep. She's started doing this about 3:00 am every morning, and
I usually get up, let her out, and go right back to sleep.

Not this morning. This morning I lay there, wondering about this and that,
all the detritus that goes into making up my daily existence, and sleep
would not come. I told all the useless thoughts (useless at 3:00 a.m., at
3:00 a.m. nothing is useful) to go away and leave me be, but they would not
listen, and sleep did not come. Which was really too bad, since I
particularly enjoy sleep at that time of day. 3 p.m., on the other hand,
while a very good time to sleep also, just does not have the same je ne se
quois. (I like to throw in foreign phrases now and then, just to show I know
them. I have now exhausted my knowledge of French.) 

I can count to ten in Spanish. This is a notable skill, I must note,
considering that I should be fluent in Spanish. My grandfather traveled the
route from Spain to the U.S. via Mexico, and my father grew up bilingual.
But when I was growing up, there was no Spanish spoken in our house; my
father used it only when speaking to his mother. I believe he did not want
us growing up to be one of "them," we were to be completely American. He
himself was born in Arizona, which is commonly considered to be part of
America. And we could pass. We are Spanish, after all, and not Mexican; my
father has blue eyes, I have green. So pass we did, though the last name was
not helpful in this regard. Fernandez is usually a good clue. 

Somewhere around here I have a family tree that my paternal relatives put
together many years ago. I find it fascinating to see where some of my
distant relatives ended up. An artist in Venezuela, for example. There are
blank spots, dates unknown, and in more recent times there are the issues of
multiple marriages entering into the picture. My father has been married
three times, my mother four, my stepmother three times. Other paternal
relatives followed much the same course, so the family tree becomes rather
messy.

My ethnic heritage also extends to Nebraskan. I don't know if you've ever
been to Nebraska, but my experience of it consists of passing through on my
way to somewhere else. My maternal grandfather is originally from Nebraska,
though he has lived in California since he was old enough to move there and
make a new life. He's going to be 100 this year, so that was more than a few
years ago. I have a picture somewhere around here of my grandfather with his
three siblings back on the farm. All of them moved to California, the
sisters are now gone, and only one brother remains. They were all younger
than my grandfather. He's never been interested in the past, only as
something that was but isn't any longer. His sister's husband, also a
Nebraskan who wooed my great-aunt in Nebraska and brought her to the west,
wrote a book about growing up and his life, a book remarkably devoid of
emotion, but still, a book. My mother's picture is in it. But my grandfather
has always lived in the present and in the future. Back before Nebraska,
there was Scottish heritage. McWilliams. That is all I know of that branch
of the family.

It is enough. It does not keep me up nights, not knowing where distant
ancestors came from or how they got here or what far-flung relatives are
doing now. What keeps me up nights is the here and now, or faulty brain
chemistry. Does it matter? It is now 5 a.m., and before long it will be
6:30, the time I normally stumble out of bed, take the dog downstairs, then
stumble to my computer to begin work. I work immediately, then do the normal
waking up routine later in the morning, when others are at work. Maybe I can
go sleep for an hour. I hope. It would save me a bit of money on the
Monster. 

Monique
Sleepless in Seattle