TheBanyanTree: Doubt Part 2

[Monique]

I staved off the demons for another day. They almost had me, almost caught
me in that death grip that feels like absolute utter despair. For a few
moments, at least, they did have me there, for hours, at least, I held them
at bay with all the strength I had. I've become stubborn though, perhaps
it's age, perhaps it's just that I've grown tired of someone other than
myself running my life. So I fight back, and I force them back into the dark
places where they cower.

They cower because they are cowards, because they know that in the end I
will win, and they will not, and because, in the end, they have no force
strong enough to overcome me. 

I just read a book Stew got for me about taming gremlins. It's a good book,
it talks about reducing our gremlin's attacks to idle background chatter
that we can be aware of but not put any credence in. We can hear our
gremlins, take note of them, but we have the power to dispel their toxicity.


I'm working on it. Demons, gremlins, harbingers of doom and gloom -- they
tell me that what I was told growing up is still true. They reinforce
negativity that has been in my life. They make me ashamed of who I am.
Rationally, I know the truth, but can any of us ever claim to be totally
rational at all times? I'm a work in progress. I'll win, and they won't.
It's as simple as that, and as complex as being human. 


Monique