TheBanyanTree: My, how time flies!

[Jim Miller]

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "paul" <paul at remsset.com>
To: "TheBanyanTree" <TheBanyanTree at remsset.com>
Sent: Monday, February 16, 2004 4:40 PM
Subject: TheBanyanTree: My, how time flies!


>   That's my story.  What's yours?

Holy S*** . . . . . . . Where did it go? It was about this time in February
1996, eight years ago that Linda said, "I hear there is a place on the
Internet called The Spoon. You should check it out. I'm told it's a place
where writers meet." There has been a lot of rain in the leaves since then.
At the time, I had just been diagnosed with life threatening heart problems.
A few weeks earlier, I was practically dead. I should have been. My life
expectancy was only 2 more years. What a fantastic and supportive group of
people I found. They listened to all of my medical experiments . . errrr
experiences. They heard me wheeze in the night when I couldn't sleep. They
helped me learn to howl at the moon and let it all go.

Over the years, I've been 'In your face' or so far back on the limb that you
couldn't even hear the leaves rustle. Mostly, I've just listened for the
past 3 years. Life has really taken some wild turns in the last 5 years, and
Linda will confirm that while I'm the same man I was, I'm not that man at
all. Life has been good. I'm still alive for Pete's sake.

We're comfortable financially and most important, I learned to release the
hatred I carried for Mother for most of my life.  She moved to been near me
just over 5 years ago. She was the same self centered, selfish person I knew
when she wasn't that close. Today, her mind is gone, and her body is feeble,
but I can truly touch her and say "Mom, I love you." And she knows that I
do. It was her fault, yet it wasn't her fault, because she didn't know any
better. She learned from her Mother, and had no understanding of the
devastation she brought into the lives of her 4 children.

But enough about that. Linda and I are making plans for the next 20 years.
Plans we didn't even imagine 5 years ago. Our children are experiencing
their own challenges and developing into terrific human beings. Our grand
daughters top the list of our exciting existence. 50 years ago, as a
carefree adolescent, I couldn't possibly know that life could be so good.

I've made many wonderful friends in this group. A few have moved beyond this
life already. A few, Linda and I cherish more deeply than they know. Some
are a lifetime of distance removed, but I have vowed to meet you in person
before I die. Count on it. I'm in for the long haul.

After 60 years of breathing on my own, my life is at long last bearing the
fruits of a previously "Never Present" organization. I'm actually delegating
and planning my time. On the schedule is 2 hours daily to write. I haven't
reached the time line for that goal, but it's only 2 months away. Anyone
taking bets?

Many of you will recall that I was listed for a heart transplant in 1997 and
then improved to the point that my function exceeded the eligibility
threshold. I haven't worked for the last 2 years and my heart health has
declined substantially. Today, I am again waiting for a new heart. My
surgeons are noted amongst the best in the world. Only God know when, but
YOU know, I'm not going to die. I have much too much to accomplish in this
life.

And that's my story.

Jim Miller