TheBanyanTree: My image consultants

[Sachet]

They are tough. They bluntly make their opinions known, no holds barred. 
They are a team, one male and one female to provide a balanced perspective.

When they first began working on me about two years ago I resisted. I've 
been dressing myself for 40+ years thankyouverymuch. That, it seems, was 
the root of the problem as they saw it. My hurt feelings were casually 
brushed aside and I was left with no choice but to heed their advice.

No more straight leg jeans that fasten up at my waist. According to them 
it puts my body out of balance, accentuating my thighs and making my 
legs look disproportionately long. Now my jeans are to ride on my hips 
with a slight flare at the bottom of the legs. I don't like the 
bell-bottom style so we compromised with a boot-leg flare. They insisted 
that they not be stone washed, but I won that battle because I really 
don't like dark blue jeans. T-shirts are fine and dandy as long as I 
don't wear them too long or too baggy. So my favorite white & baby blue 
Aeropostle T-shirt with the artistically placed rip in the neck is safe. 
And my celtic one is too. My other T-shirts are considered iffy since 
they are too big and can now only be worn around the house or for work 
projects.

Since this is Florida and it's miserably hot 9 out of 12 months, I wear 
a lot of shorts or summer dresses/swimsuit cover-ups to keep cool. It 
was NOT very nice to hear that my shorts were so long that I looked like 
I was double my age. And that my summer dresses/swimsuit cover-ups were 
extremely unflattering. Now my shorts are shorter but without making me 
look like a teen wannabe and no more of the wide baggy legs. The 
swimsuit cover-ups are only allowed on my way to the pool and back.

The "Homeschool Mom"  look has been totally outlawed. No more denim 
jumpers two sizes too big. The year before last when I was trying to 
decide what to wear on a flight to NC to visit my brother I chose a long 
denim jumper with butterflies on the front, my top-sider shoes and 
coordinating knee socks. Oh, and a button-up sweater with embroidered 
flowers in case I got chilly on the plane. Geez. When I presented it to 
them for their approval, you'd have thought I was on the hit list of the 
top ten worst dresser's. I was told in no uncertain terms that I looked 
like a homeschool mom run amok and that I would embarrass myself and my 
family if I wore such an outfit. So, I ended up in a form-fitting jean 
dress and black leather boots. It was frustrating to find that they were 
right and I *did* feel more confident. And ok, yes it looked better too. 
On the flight home though.....without their interfering bossiness I wore 
what I wanted - my hiking boots, an orange and white striped Tommy 
turtle neck and my oldest most faded straight leg jeans. They were _not_ 
amused. <g>

The guy on the team is the most obnoxiously honest. I am told that I 
can't buy any more black. He snidely remarks that the Goth look is 
outdated and that I look like a Goth-Mom when I wear all black, with 
black leather boots and my wide black leather belt. Florida is too hot 
for all that black anyway. Yada-yada-yada. <sigh>

Some black is allowed, but with other colors to offset the severity. For 
instance, I can wear black pants or a black tailored skirt to work with 
the burgundy office polo shirt. Slacks are to be snug (not skin tight) 
instead of so loose that you can't tell if I even have a bum. The loose 
baggy style apparently looks "dorky"  on me. Pfffffffffft!

My dresses & skirts are to be shorter and not always almost to my 
ankles. So we compromised on that too. Some are a few inches above my 
knees and some are calf length. I like the swishy soft feel of fabric 
brushing against my calves, but there is something to be said for bare 
legs too.

The bossy female of the duet even addressed my lingerie. I was appalled 
at the exhorbinant price of new bikini panties from Victoria's Secret. I 
rebelled, but she adamantly insisted. So I wore 
them......and....dang...she was right again. Hanes and Fruit of the Loom 
are nice and perfectly fine, but the 100% cotton version by VS is indeed 
divine. Plus, the practical side of me is soothed by the fact that they 
DO last longer, so the cost actually evens out. We still slightly 
disagree on the bra issue. I gave in and bought one from VS, because it 
was on sale with a HUGE discount. Cheaper than at Walmart even; so I 
actually had no grounds for arguing cost. We reached a compromise and I 
buy nicer bras with name brands. Again, she was right. They feel better, 
look nicer under my clothes and they last longer. Plus, I love all the 
colors and lace accents.

Sleepwear was tackled, too. My track suits (winter) and sleep shirts 
(summer) were tossed out. I didn't argue because I could understand the 
need. They were in fact, ancient and rather blah. The male tyrant bought 
sleep sets with snazzy colors. The female tyrant bought coordinating 
slippers that make me smile. Snowmen heads adorn the top of the 
slippers, with scarves, carrot noses and little winter hats. My new 
kitten, Jolie, thinks my feet make a wonderful play toy now.

I was also reluctantly introduced to the world of footwear. It seems 
that two pair of sandals for the summer, tennis shoes, topsiders, hiking 
boots, and flip-flops don't go with everything. I surprisingly 
discovered that I really, really like suede shrug boots and that they go 
with a lot of things. They are supremely comfy too. So when I am dragged 
out on shopping expeditions at least my feet are comfortable. And it is 
rather fun to pick out shoes to match an outfit, although to their great 
disgust I won't buy as many as they would prefer. Frugality is inbred 
and they don't understand that I can't always get past it.

They were very sneaky when it came to bath products and body lotions. I 
had held fast to the fact that my allergies prevented me from indulging 
in such frivolities. After careful questioning they deduced that I liked 
the scent of vanilla if it wasn't too sweet. I was presented with two 
choices - Vanilla Lace by Victoria's Secret Garden or Warm Vanilla Sugar 
by Bath and Body Works. Warm Vanilla Sugar easily won me over. I never 
anticipated that my bathroom shelves would be lined with an assortment 
of body lotions, body sprays and moisturizing creams. The scent is so 
captivating and the lotions & potions actually do what they claim. Plus, 
the fantastic sales at Bath & Body Works make their products easily 
affordable, so another argument bites the dust. I was thrilled when I 
walked into B & BW a few weeks ago and saw that they now have hand 
sanitizer gel in Warm Vanilla Sugar. I knew then that I was a true 
convert. <g>

Of course, my hair and the style I wore it in came under close scrutiny. 
The 3 colors of my hair (sun-bleached, brown and gray) were severely 
frowned upon. And there was great concern over the fact that my hair was 
so thin and brittle from the sun and chlorine damage. It was decided 
that if I insist on swimming laps, then I must wear a stupid swim cap to 
protect my hair. And the gray covering the entire back of my head, had 
to go. I was rather offended by that pronouncement. I can't see the back 
of my head, so I honestly hadn't thought about it. I was told that it 
made me look "haggard".  Sheesh.  So I explored the world of hair colors 
and luckily stumbled on my natural color the first time. It does look 
better and the swim cap has made a radical difference in helping to 
restore my hair to a healthy condition. Of course, I also had to visit a 
hair salon and decide upon a new hair style. The "poofiness" of my bangs 
with the old style was laid to rest. Wash n' wear is still mine if I so 
choose, but if I want something a little different I can blow dry the 
front for a softer more sophisticated look. Everyone's happy and my hair 
is no longer a touchy subject. My hair has grown by leaps and bounds; 
it's curly, full of body, thick and healthy once again, and I also look 
younger, so I can't actually gripe about it, now can I?

Make-up? I held fast. I don't have the patience or the desire to wear 
layers of products. Eye-liner, mascara, cover-up for the times I have 
circles under my eyes and lip gloss suit me fine. I occasionally agree 
to blush and eye shadow if I'm in the mood. Which is seldom because I 
usually forget about the eye shadow, rub my eyelid and feel awkward 
because I've messed it up. But I have to admit that the eye shadow, when 
properly done, adds a subtle enhancement that I like. And 'tis fun.

It's been a challenge. They've been unrepentantly brutally honest. But, 
I do have to give them credit because they certainly know their stuff. 
They've taught me well. I've even graduated to the point where I am 
allowed to choose my own clothes these days. (Although, they still 
insist on shopping with me.)

My two teens are so proud of all their hard work. I should hire them 
out. <g>

Their father is next up for a consultation.

=-O


...Sachet