TheBanyanTree: Just send word

[Tobie Shapiro]

February 1, 200000004



Dear Everyone of You,

	You don't hear from me much.  And there's always some awful 
reason.  Sickness, deaths, traumas, law suits.  Well, for once, my 
absense has a good standard reason:

	My husband, David, super physicist and really all around nice 
guy, walked out on me and my twins about three weeks ago.  No talking 
about it together, no preparing the kids  (for those of you who don't 
know me, my twins are 16, the boy has high functioning autism and the 
girl has an anxiety disorder, serious ADD and very slow processing, 
so negociating schooling for them has been a full time job for mama 
advocate).

	The kids are in turmoil.  No one knows what will happen to 
us.  He's not thinking clearly, and is having a major life crisis 
(turned 65 and realized he'd better wake up before he keeps 
sleeping), and I think he's blaming our relationship for causing this 
or perpetuating it.   He won't tell me where he's staying and I can 
reach him by beeper.  He feels he is saintly because he still drives 
Feyna to school (she doesn't want to talk to him), and picks up 
things at the stoor.  It's all mixed up in his head. I tell the kids 
that Papa loves them, and it has nothing to do with them.

	Years, I huddled on my side of the bed, loveless, without a 
touch or word of love, no soft talk.  We do so well with the "why are 
these two people together".  interests, ethics, intellect, culture, 
humour.  But he's all bottled up and wouldn't talk to me.  I went 
through agony, but refused to split up because of the kids.  They 
needed their dad.  I took him to therapy and he wouldn't do any of 
the exercizes, or put any effort into it.  I scare him.  I get angry. 
(I was driven to it, yes).   But now, we get together and talk. 
Sometimes, it's very good.  Sometimes it makes me crazy because 
whatever he gives to me in word or companionship, he takes back by 
the next time I talk to him.  I want to work on this.  He isn't sure.

	There go 20 years?  And my kids?  They're damaged.  I'm 
unable to function.  Got to go on some kind of medication before they 
put me in a hospital.  Haven't been able to eat or sleep.

	There ya go.  A nice, easy read with a happy ending.

	Help.

	Love,

	Tobie
-- 




Tobie Helene Shapiro
Berkeley, California   USA

tobie at shpilchas.net