TheBanyanTree: They're All Morons

[Margaret R. Kramer]

Moron is becoming my favorite word.  I started using the word when
describing George Bush.  “He’s a moron,” I always say.  So “moron” has
become my word for intellectually vacant, difficulty in expressing oneself
verbally, dependent on family support to get ahead, and always keeping a
“please don’t attack me, because I can’t help that I’m stupid” look on one’s
face.  That’s a moron.

I’ve expanded from using “moron” to describe George Bush to using it to
describe almost anyone who does something stupid, especially the “stupid
white men” who are the higher ups in my company.

For example:  I wasn’t able to copy any documents to one of the drives on
our company’s common server.  I kept getting a message that it was full.  It
should have enough space for all kinds of stuff, so I scanned through the
disk to see if anyone had placed large documents on it recently.

Well, I saw a folder named “2005 Plan,” so naturally curious, I opened it
up.  There were lots of spreadsheets with various facts and figures on them.
OK, interesting, but not earth shattering.  I wanted to know if they had any
plans of laying people off, but none of those spreadsheets had that
information.

Then I saw one called “Salary Template.”  I clicked on it and low and behold
I saw names, budget centers, hourly salaries, and yearly salaries listed.  I
had stumbled upon a spreadsheet that had everyone’s salary!  Right away, I
saw our division’s vice president’s salary, $209,000 a year!  And he’s a
major moron!  This guy sounds like his pants are on too tight!

I knew I should just close out the spreadsheet, but I couldn’t help myself,
I had to see what everyone made.  So I scrolled through the salaries.  Most
of the people make about what I thought they would, but there were a few
surprises.  Some people, obvious favorites, made a LOT of money, and other
people, obvious not so favorites, made astonishingly low money.

Then I clicked on the spreadsheet to see who made the document.  I told my
coworker and she looked up his three byte user name to find out who he was.
It turns out he’s a vice president of accounting.  Obviously, no one told
him that he should secure sensitive information from the prying eyes of the
public.  Or else, in true moronic fashion, didn’t know how to do it.

I told my best friend at work about the spreadsheet and we spent a
delightful lunch discussing everyone’s salaries and why they were they way
the were.  I’m sure the word will get around, even though I only told two
people, that I found this spreadsheet.

I was going to call the guy who made it and tell him he should secure it,
but then I thought I’ll probably get in trouble.  And besides, most likely I
’m not the only one who saw it.  And if he’s so stupid that he put something
so sensitive in such a public place, let him live with the consequences!

It was interesting to spend Friday afternoon looking at my coworkers and
knowing what they made.  It’s like seeing them naked.  I know there are a
few people who would just blow a gasket if they knew how much money their
friends made.

The people I would hire to start a company, the people that work hard, have
great ideas and don’t worry about status are the people who make the least
amount of money.  They’re not morons and they’re not getting ahead.

The sad thing is that it seems the morons make the most money.  That’s the
advantage of being a moron, that you get to make a lot of money and have a
lot of artificial prestige because you are a moron.

Somehow it must even out somewhere.  It just has to.  Like I might get fired
for seeing the spreadsheet and the guy who made it might get to keep his job
for publicizing everyone’s salaries.

Margaret R. Kramer
margaretkramer at comcast.net

http://www.polarispublications.com
Be a star!

http://www.bpwmn.org
Business and Professional Women of Minnesota

If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on
fire, then you got a problem.  Everything else is inconvenience.
~Robert Fulghum