TheBanyanTree: The Schizo Diaries, August 28, 2004

[Monique]

Excerpts from an email to Stew's parents today:

Hello. 

We have achieved stabilization today . . . everything's okay, but I thought
I should let you know about yesterday. Stew's rather talked out about it,
he'd like to not have to deal with it anymore at the moment. He's been to
his therapist, and both the therapist and I have told him that if he seems
to be posing a threat to anyone (including himself), we'll have to have him
confined. 

I know, it's a very bad thing to think about.

Yesterday . . . and here I describe yesterday's activities that I'd rather
not put here at this time. Let's just say that it caused some uneasineness
and concern. As I'm sure you know, Stew's been taking politics very
seriously and personalizing it. And overall he's been getting better in some
regards. However, because he is better in some regards (I can't remember the
last time his affect was flat, for instance), other issues arise . . . (the
therapist says this, I'm obviously not an expert but I see how it's working
with him). He's not sure what to do with himself next, and so somehow he
becomes, uhm, a tad bit perhaps maybe homicidal. Oh, I hate using that word.
It's like all the anger that's inside him has to come out somewhere, so
that's where he focuses it.

Anyway. There was a . . . and here I talk about mitigating factors that
helped with the favorable outcome . . ., luckily, so he turned around and
headed back. I don't think anyone was in any danger, and neither does his
therapist, but predictability is not something we're familiar with -- since
my main goal is to keep him safe I have to take it all seriously. He called
me on his way back, first I knew he was even out. Told me where he was and
what he was doing, and that he was headed back because there was no parking.
He didn't seem to know why exactly, other than of course the political
thing, but why he's so upset about it, no one knows -- he doesn't know, so
asking him doesn't get any answers.

He got home about 8 pm or so, I think, and seemed to be doing okay once I'd
talked to him for awhile. In fact, he was very easy to talk to and not at
all delusional except in that his perceptions are a bit skewed. He was
psychotic though -- I can usually tell (not that his actions weren't a big
enough clue). We laughed about how he was foiled by a lack of parking . . .
(there comes a time when all we can do is laugh or . . . )

I called him at 11 pm to see how he was. He said he was fine and sounded
like it, but said he'd been suicidal half an hour before. We talked for a
bit, and he actually sounded good -- his moods can change so quickly that it
can be a challenge to keep up, but it does mean that his suicidal ideations
tend to pass pretty quickly, which is a good thing.

He stopped by this morning on his way to his therapist (and delivered one
mangy mutt) and was doing okay. After therapy he called me, really upset, so
we talked, he came over. The session went okay, he said, but I think it was
what the therapist was telling him . . . that if what happened yesterday
happens again the therapist will have to do something about it. I told him
that I would also -- the important thing is to keep him safe, and if he's
going to grab a knife and go somewhere with intent, whether or not we think
there's any chance he'll do anything, we'll do what we have to do to keep
him safe. Then we had lunch and talked about them Mariners. They're not
doing so well. (That's not true. We actually talked about me a whole lot,
but that's boring.) He ate well, he was in pretty good shape. Had on a nice
new shirt too.

So there we are -- he's better in some respects, but there are other things
going on that we need to be aware of. It's like a balancing act I think. Or
juggling. Or something. 

He's supposed to be napping right now. I roasted a couple of chickens
yesterday, and told him to come over and get one after his nap for his
dinner. His productivity is up, he's been feeling better physically it
appears, and overall things look good. But we're a bit concerned naturally.
He's been told to avoid the news, and I'll keep after him about that. He
sees his doctor again Tuesday -- and I think he has plantar fasciitis -- I
had that last year and it hurt, but I fixed it by wearing better shoes. :-) 

All questions and comments are welcomed. He's a bit overwhelmed with it at
the moment though, so feel free to ask me. (Not that I have answers, mind
you . . . but you can ask anyway.)

Love,

The Caretaker

_____________________________________________________________

That's about it for today. Scary to think about confinement,
hospitalization, drastic measures, but we do what we have to do.