TheBanyanTree: The Diaries, 080404

[Monique]

Stew Prepares for a Road Trip 

The following instructions/helpful tips have been issued to concerned
parties in preparation for the Stew & Jake upcoming moving expedition, in
which Stew will drive down to California with Jake in order to move Jake's
mom to California, and then Stew will come back to Washington via his Dad.
Personally, I would love to have a road trip like this to look forward to,
but I am trapped in this apartment with a pile of work. Okay, next month I'm
going to leave town for a couple of days to go to a wedding . . . not mine,
of course. 

Later we'll talk about Stew's disassociative episode from the other night. 
_________________________________________________________________ 

It's almost time for the Jake & Stew Moving Company to get back to work. In
preparation for this occasion, we have prepared the following tips on the
care and feeding of Stew. 

As you may know, Stew has anxiety (severe at times), depression (major), and
a mild form of schizophrenia. And borderline personality disorder, though he
does have one of the less toxic forms of this. And I think he's bipolar. No,
maybe not. Anyway. Let's just say that Stew has a few issues, okay? We'll
just leave it at that for now. 

If Stew seems a bit out of it, it's quite all right to ask him if he's taken
his meds. His meds are important for functioning, and he's pretty good about
taking them, but occasionally he may forget, or run out, though we do try to
avoid that. 

Stew hates the heat. Hates it. Makes him grumpy. You don't want to be
dealing with a grumpy schizophrenic, believe me. If it's particularly hot,
he may seem a bit spacey. Remind him to drink plenty of water and/or
Gatorade. And to eat properly. He says that's not usually a problem, but
let's try to avoid too much bad food. 

Migraines. I think, personally, that these are exacerbated by the heat. If
he starts to get one, his best bet is to go to a cool dark area for a few
minutes and take his migraine meds. Hopefully the migraine will subside in
30 minutes to an hour, but there is the possibility that he'll have to rest
for up to 8 hours. 

At times, usually at night, Stew may or may not see things that are or are
not there. This is a byproduct of the schizophrenia. What Stew really needs
here is reassurance that there is or isn't anything there, depending on the
circumstances, and that it's safe to continue. He needs to know he's not,
for example, running over anything or anyone. His hallucinations often
manifest in the late evening when he'll see shadows or movement that isn't
there. Fortunately, he's usually cognizant enough to know that the things
really aren't there, but it still spooks him. (Imagine: You see something or
someone, and even though logically you know the thing or person isn't there,
can't possibly be there, there is still the fact that you see it/him/her
anyway. Rational thought is difficult under these circumstances, yet Stew
does it pretty well nonetheless.) 

Stew snores. Have him wear his Breathrite Nasal Strips if his snoring is
bothering you. 

Stew has demons. Really. Lifesize real honest-to-Bir Bear demons. Sometimes
they, or it, stand behind him, or keep right behind him where he can't see
them, or whisper things to him that are harmful, either philosophically or
morally or physically. I've found the best way to deal with these demons is
to make fun of them. They're not nearly as dangerous as they make themselves
out to be, nor as scary, but they must be dealt with firmly and with
purpose, resolutely and with scorn. Let Stew knew the demons, while
frightening, have no power over him, no matter what they say. When speaking
to the demons themselves, use a calm voice and/or ridicule. Do not buy into
their logic. 

Stew self-harms. This means he may, or may not, hurt himself intentionally,
usually by using a knife. This happens infrequently and is not likely unless
he's alone. (In other words, he won't start brandishing a knife in your
presence.) Do not be alarmed. As a dangerous activity, self-harm is highly
overrated. Stew knows to sterilize his knives well and clean up after
himself. There are far worse behaviors he could be exhibiting, so please
keep this in mind if it should happen and don't panic. Really, there's no
need to even become upset. If he disassociates, sometimes cutting helps him
reconnect again. Sometimes it helps to refocus the pain, and sometimes it
serves as a distraction. Just talk to him calmly and assure him that
everything is okay. 

One more thing. There is 24 hour telephone counseling available by calling
425 myphonenumber. Technically, while this is advertised as 24 hour, there
may be times when the counselor is not available. Say, if she's with a
client, or in a movie, or asleep and doesn't hear the phone ring. Still,
feel free to call this number at any time so the counselor can either guide
you through what to do with Stew next or talk to Stew personally to talk him
down from whatever heights of panic he has reached. Or up from whatever
depths of despair he has fallen to. In the event the counselor is not
available, Stew's therapist may be called, but he's not nearly as good at
this. 

Stew does not want to disappoint anyone; it's one of his biggest fears. He's
stressed about this impending trip not because of what it represents, but
because it's a change from his normal routine, and change is scary. Between
worrying about disappointing anyone and the stress of change, he may be a
bit on edge. I've found the most effective approach to be to soothing and
reassuring. Should he be truly impossible, threatening to kick his ass may
result in a long-term improvement but with the possibility of short-term
repercussions that will make things worse before they get better.

Monique