TheBanyanTree: Cell Phones

[Monique Young]

I am one of those odiferous cell phone users. That’s right. Most days the
darn thing is attached to me, with my ear plug hanging down my front so I
can put it into my ear as soon as the occasion calls for it. Yes, I do not
hesitate to answer it in a crowded place, barring movie theaters, where I’m
there to enjoy the movie, or restaurants if I’m there on a business meeting
or with a friend. (If I’m there alone, I figure I can talk on my cell phone
since the other diners are talking to each other. Why should I be the only
one bereft of conversation?)

One of the things that perhaps people don’t realize about me is that I don’t
do this because it’s fun, because it makes me feel important. I have to have
the phone attached to me because it’s so freakin’ small. I might lose it
otherwise, as I often do, miss a call because I couldn’t get to the phone
fast enough. That’s happened enough times. And then there’s this . . . I’m a
business, working hard to get my clients the service they need so they will,
in turn, get me the payments that I need. I’m out and about much of the day,
and my receptionist is . . . well, me. I’m it. If people can’t reach me, my
business is doomed. If everyone must wait until I return to the office,
well, it may be a long wait, and I may lose important clients, or at least
annoy them. (The definition of an important client is: a client.) I’ve heard
the scorn in people’s voices when they talk about how they don’t have a cell
phone because they don’t want people to reach them at any time . . . well, I
do. It’s important for my business.

Granted, many people take cell phone usage to extremes. There is a time and
a place for everything. I think anyone using a phone inside a movie theatre
should be taken outside, quietly, and then shot. Of course, I don’t much
care for people who bring screaming two-year olds into a movie the child has
no way of understanding either, so it’s not a cell phone issue, but a
courtesy issue.

Then again, I take my movies seriously.

So there I am the other day, having left a client’s, with much on my mind. I
get like that. I get into my car. I plop my big black carryall briefcase
(sometimes I am astounded at the amount of STUFF I bring back from client’s)
into the passenger seat. I dial my cell phone, intending to call Stew. (I
call Stew a lot.) I fasten my seat belt, because I am, if nothing else, a
conscientious seat belt user. I start the car, which is still making the
really cool noise that indicates it will soon blow up, or that my
transmission will throw itself out on the roadway at any time. I start my
mental calculations, since it is Friday, I have seen the last client I will
see for that day, and I tend to add up the numbers in my head. How much
here, how much there, how did the week go, and what will I collect next
week? Since I’m temporarily without much in the way of funds, this is a
ritual I indulge in frequently. And I talk to myself. Not anything
interesting. “200 from Bob, $200 from Brad, $275 from Referral, a couple
hundred from . . . . Oh, CFK. 200, 200, 275, 200, 250.”

Eventually I somehow come to notice my phone. Which is sitting my lap. With
my ear plug still hanging down my front instead of in my ear. And I remember
that I dialed Stew’s number.

I often forget to put the ear plug back into my ear, which he thinks is
hilarious. So as I’m sitting there talking to myself, Stew has been, or I
should say, HAD been, saying, “Hello? Hello? You know, I can HEAR you, I’m
here . .. stop talking to yourself and talk to me!“

By the time I picked up the phone he’d given up, and even tried to call me,
since I have call waiting, but his phone wouldn’t let him because the
connection was still open. I disconnected, called him back . ..

Let’s just say it was a good thing my self-talk was the usual numbers crap,
and not anything, uhm, incriminating. He thought it very amusing of course.
VERY AMUSING. He thinks all these little absent-minded things are cute.

So yeah. I’m an offensive cell phone user. Given the choice between catching
a call from a potentially lucrative client and offending a stranger, I’ll
take the call.

So sue me. Have your lawyer call my lawyer. I can give you his cell phone
number if you want.


Batman
Better Living Through Telephones


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