TheBanyanTree: Oh what a joy

[John Bailey]

Thursday October 23, 2003

WHAT A JOY

"****!" said Graham.  The heavy hammering stopped and there was a loud 
silence, followed by one more bang and another "****!"

"That sounds bad," I said.

"It is."

"What, then?"

"These ******* floors are too ******* hard to take a fixing nail of any kind."

"How did the original carpet fitters fix sill strips, then?"

"They must have used a heavy duty nail gun."

"Oh. We'd better use some heavy duty glue, then. Have you got any?"

"Nothing to do this job with."

"Focus is open for another two hours yet. Shall we go and get some?"

"Don't be daft, you can't drive. You've started your evening drink."

I held up my glass of fresh-squeezed orange juice. "You're forgetting. I'm 
off the booze."

"Oh. In that case..."

"See," I crowed. "I told you there were compensations."

Within ten minutes we were driving off into the dusk in search of 
appropriate adhesives. An hour later the brass strips in the living room 
and study doorways were securely in place, providing good clean joins 
between the carpets and our brand new vinyl planking in the hallway.

"What do you think?" Graham asked, standing back so I could get a good view.

"It looks really posh," I said. "That's the flooring part of the hall 
project finished, then?"

"No. I think I'll go on to do the kitchen floor now. Get it all done in one 
hit."

"Oh. Goody," I said, as brightly as I could manage. "What a joy."

-------------------

Note:  For those with a curiosity for technicalities, the downstair floors 
in standard modern British houses are formed from a reinforced concrete 
foundation slab on which is placed a damp-proof membrane followed by thick 
slabs of insulating poly-something-or-other, and the whole is topped by a 
couple of inches of concrete screed.  The insulation is incredibly 
efficient, cutting out almost all heat loss through the floor, but the 
price to be paid for it is that the screed which used to be laid straight 
on top of the foundation slab and so could be made from low-strength 
mortar, now has to be a load bearing mix, forming a very hard slab to 
spread weight and impact out over the poly-stuff. It works perfectly, 
avoiding the inconvenience of seeing heavy furniture sink slowly into the 
floor, but is such a strong mix that normal DIY tools and fixings can't 
penetrate it.


--
John Bailey   Carmarthenshire, Wales
journal of a writing man
<http://www.oldgreypoet.com>