TheBanyanTree: Losing Time

Sat Nov 29 05:29:48 PST 2003

WARNING:  This is a pity party.

The clock is my master.  I plan my days almost to the second.  There is so
much I want to accomplish each day, and if I don’t get the majority of what
I want to done, then I feel bad.

There have been two events that are beyond my control which are going to eat
up the precious time I have.  The first concerns my stupid, but well paying
job.  We recently moved further out into the suburbs, we are practically
sitting in the middle of a cornfield now.  My drive is 32 miles one way.
That was bad enough.  Then my alcoholic boss decreed that one of us (out of
two people) has to stay until 4 pm every day.  My quitting time is 3:15 pm.
Grrrrrr . . . The other coworker couldn’t keep her schedule straight if her
life depended on it, so I’m the one who is going to stay until 4 pm.

I’m still going to get up at 3 am and get ready for workout.  Then I’ll
drive to work from the club as I always have, because the traffic isn’t too
bad then.  I’ll just take an hour lunch and perhaps use that extra time to
get some “at home” things done on the computer or just read.

But I won’t be able to avoid the awful traffic jams going home.  I can zip
into work within 45 minutes now if the traffic is good, but going home is a
nightmare.  I’m sure it will take me well over an hour to get home and more
if it’s snowing.  There are several bottlenecks I won’t be able to avoid.
Nothing is worse than sitting in car stuck in traffic, because I can’t read,
I can’t sleep, I can’t balance my check book, and I can’t really make phone
calls because I have to pay attention to the car in front of me so I don’t
slam into its rear end.

This wonderful schedule will start Monday.

The second event is because my son has taken over day-to-day control of the
boys, I’m watching them one night during the weekend so he can have a
“break.”  I’ve never been a “babysitting grandma.”  I spend time with the
boys, but on my own terms.  Now I have a 24 hour block of my oh so precious
weekends devoted to small children.

One of the most wonderful things about being in my 40s and my son is grown
and gone is that my time is my own.  There are just hundreds of wonderful
things I can do without worrying about fitting them in around my child’s
schedule.

Now, for a long and tortuous 24 hour period, I give up my own things, and
will be on total call for the boys.  The two year old is a wonderful and
perfect child, but the four year old is one who needs constant attention.

He doesn’t play alone very well, because he likes to try to figure out how
things work.  Then he’ll begin to dismantle my home.  I’ve become a neat
freak and I like my home organized and not cluttered, so it’s difficult for
me to leave him alone for any length of time, because I know he’ll totally
rearrange a room, try to figure how the electricity works, and color on the
walls.  I just put up the Christmas lights and it will be interesting to see
if he leaves them alone and just accepts that they are there or if he’ll try
to take them apart to see how I have them hooked up.

The older one is fine if he’s busy and focused and I use all the energy I
have to keep him that way.  I’m a slug, a very low energy, internal kind of
person, and my older grandson is one who is on high octane, his brain waves
are flying at the speed of light, and is a child who doesn’t have an inner
peace.

The younger one is more like me.  He’s content to sit for hours and color
(on the paper, too, never on the walls).  He’ll play with the same two
dinosaurs for the entire afternoon.  He doesn’t have to spread every toy he
owns all over the house.  He can sit quietly and can enjoy the moment.

I plan activities to keep the older one under some control.  For example, if
the boys bring their snow pants with them today, then we’ll go for a walk in
the off leash dog park and look for animal tracks in the snow.  Perhaps we’
ll bake a cake – they love doing that, but I hate getting my kitchen messy.
Maybe we’ll make some Christmas decorations.  Ray brought some cool stencils
home from the store he works at.  Then we’ll have pizza for dinner.

Bath time is great for me, because I can get some things done while they’re
playing in the tub.  Then on with their pajamas and we’ll wind down watching
movies.

Last weekend, the little one woke up at 5:30 am, so I didn’t have my morning
“alone” time.  He woke the older one up while I was letting the dogs out, so
they had breakfast, baths, and were playing outside by 8:30 am.  Gosh, that
was a long morning.

I don’t know how parents do this every single day.  Ray had six children and
he said the older ones helped with the younger ones, so it wasn’t as
stressful for him.  I did this before in another life, but it’s not
something I ever want to go back to full time unless I had to because of an
emergency situation.

But the boys will get older.  In fact, the older one is much, much better
than he used to be.  We’ll be able to do more things with them, like go to
plays at the Children’s Theater, go for bike rides, go to concerts and
baseball games.

I wish I was old enough to retire and I could leave my stupid job for a
lower paying but more satisfying one closer to home and not feel like any
free moment I have is going to waste if I’m not accomplishing something.
But I’m in this situation now and I’ll deal with it.

End of pity party.

Margaret R. Kramer
margaretkramer at earthlink.net

http://www.polarispublications.com
Be a star!

http://www.bpwmn.org
Business and Professional Women of Minnesota

Nature has no mercy at all. Nature says, "I'm going to snow. If you have on
a bikini and no snowshoes, that's tough. I am going to snow anyway."

* Maya Angelou