TheBanyanTree: Shark Attack! - 15-11-03

[Woofie]

Howdy Woof's Victims,

  Orn Wed our division at work had its first planning day atta
  convention centre. I say "first", cuz our division is the general
  dogsbodies', cooks' and bottle washers' division and we ain't never had
  one afore, cuz the powers that be doan think we is worth spendin any
  money orn. However, we now has a new divisional boss, who thinks it
  might be a novel idea ter actually treat us like human beings.

  So orn Wed we all lined up at this lovely convention centre wot is
  right onna banks of the Swan River next ter our casino, all fired up
  and ready ter have great mind farts and think up great new ideas ter
  do our jobs smarter, faster (and of course cheaper) wid less
  resources.

  It were a stinkin hot day, so although the convention centre was
  suitably air conditioned, by lunchtime we jes about all had our
  shoes orf and was trottin around in bare feet (summat Poms would
  never do!!) The smell of the sea hailed us and we galloped over the
  turf to the river's edge (the river is actually a flooded estuary
  there)..well..the Woofess galloped, but Miz Purple ( so called cuz
  she insists orn wearin this turrible purple cardigan every day of
  the bloody year!) hobbled, limped and ouched over the grass:

  "Doan be such a wuss!" I snorts at her in disgust.
  "But there are prickles." she whimpers.
  "There ain't no prickles," I snorts, plantin me great hind paws flat
  footedly and assuredly onna grass as I galloped along..
  "But..but..." she kept whimpering.

  This was about ter turn into a major argument where I threw in all
  her faults and in particular the dreaded purple cardigan, when we
  was innerrupted by a volley of screeches from one of our more voluble
  female members of staff, Miz Sotto Voce..

  "OOOhhh...a shark..a shark...!" she was screamin.
  "Who doctored HER bloody orange juice?" I mutters unner me breath.

  We looks ter the water ter see wot Miz Sotto Voce was havin
  conniptions about and we sees this fin circlin around right at the
  river's edge.

  "Aww, doan be so bloody silly," I mutters, "Must be a dolphin, cuz
  sharks doan  behave like that!"

  Everyone ran up ter pat the "dolphin" and communicate wid it, like
  all them touchy feely shows tells yer ter do to get in tune wid the
  rhythm of the universe and nature and the mystical inner voices of
  the sea and all that crap. Luckily someone was intelligent enough
  ter know the difference between the shape of a dolphin's fin
  compared ter a shark's. Miz Sotto Voce had been correct. Folks
  decided they was not in such urgent need of communing wid the inner
  voices of nature etc and they all backed up safely onna sand.

  Well..everyone except the dumbest member of the crew who would do
  anything ter git a decent photo fer once in her long life..she
  hopped in the water and took mobs of pics of Bruce the Shark.

  Anyhows, ter cut a long and potentially boring story short, the
  media gort all excited about a shark in the river..this led of
  course ter a feeding frenzy by various members of the media wot
  rivalled yer usual shark's feeding frenzy. This frenzy jes happened
  ter cause the Woofess and our office's PR Man to be back down at the
  river yesserday and be chattin ter the owner of the convention
  centre where we had the planning day:

  "This shark is going to cost me business," the owner moaned, "Folks
  will be too scared to come here."

  "No way," sez the PR Man confidently, "That shark is going to
  attract business, due to the media coverage..you need to encourage
  that shark to keep coming around...just quietly slip the shark the
  odd Japanese tourist or two on the side.."

  Suddenly the owner stands up and shouts to someone behind him,
  "OKI!! HERE! NOW!"

  "Yes boss?" asks an accented voice.

  The owner replies, "OKI! IN THE WATER NOW..GO..STAT!!"

  Oki trots up to us happily...yes folks..you guessed it...he is
  Japanese!

  There was a rather interesting side effect to this shark
  spotting...Bruce the Shark booted the garden gnome's (Our Great
  Leader) latest big media report for the public back to some very
  obscure page near the back of the daily rag. I do not think he was
  best pleased.

  I have the feeling that at least one member of staff may become
  shark bait in the very near future, if she does not keep a low
  profile;)

  And fer a pic of Bruce (he was really cute, folks..I wanted ter take
  him home as a pet..ceptin he was too big ter fit in me car *sigh*),
  click here:

  http://public.fotki.com/woofie/woof_pics/sharks/planningday.html

  And what work-related miracles of inspiration came out of our
  planning day endeavours?

  Hmmm...

  Well..there must have been some...but I will need more time ter
  think about em...




-- 
Best regards,
 Woofie                          mailto:woofie at woofess.com


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"The one constant in life is absurdity" - Woofie - 30/4/02
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Website: http://www.woofess.com
Photos: http://public.fotki.com/woofie/