TheBanyanTree: LLL's CPAP

[paul]

[re-sent 'cause it seems that more than the admin address should see this.
enjoy.
e~e ]

-----Original Message-----
From: Monique Young


As a fellow obstructive sleep apnea survivor (is there nothing you people
can come up with that's original?), I'd like to offer my collective wisdom
on the issue. (Collective being a term that I use rather loosely.) Ah yes,
the wonders of the CPAP machine. It's a marvel of technology, that CPAP. I
really ought to wear mine more often, what with me sleeping so badly and
all, but I think I need a new mask. Or a new nose. Or something. The mask
and the nose do not seem to be getting along as well as they used to.

Pros and Cons of the CPAP (listed in no particular order):

Great entertainment value for one's romantic partner.
Imagine this: your loved one comes up behind you, murmuring sweet nothings,
and you turn towards him eagerly . . . and the sight of that mask on your
face causes the romance to dwindle down to a phantom of itself . . .
The CPAP affords great burrowing capabilities.
Since there's a hose for your air supply, one can go as deeply as one wishes
under the covers so that outside air is only a distant memory, with no fear
of suffocation. This comes in handy for those of us with bearlike
tendencies.
Interesting facial markings.
If adjusted just right, the mask can create interesting facial designs that
will last for hours the next day. One idea for making the most of these is
to color in the indentations and go through the day as a Navajo warrior, or
a Hopi warrior, or whatever sort of warrior you might want to claim to be.
The noise factor.
The constant whir of the machine is guaranteed to drown out the noisy
neighbors, unless they're having a particularly loud party and are being
particularly obnoxious, in which case you can gather up your CPAP, take it
downstairs, and throw it at them.
A decorative element.
When the CPAP begins to be regarded as less of a marvel of modern technology
that allows one to sleep and more as something that just sits around, it is
handy as a surface to store one's remote control. However, the device will
become dusty if care is not taken to dust it regularly.
Strap hair.
The configuration of the straps that attach the mask to one's face can cause
one's hair to become particularly interesting, depending on the composition
of one's hair.

I'm sure there are more. Oh wait, here's one:
Increased breathing ability. The constant flow of air down one's throat will
keep one's airway passage open and therefore keep one breathing, which the
heart really likes. This is, of course, a minor point, and it's important to
regard all other pros and cons first.

Batman
Better Living Through Better Air