TheBanyanTree: Canberra is Cool!! 24-6-03

[Woofie]

Howdy Woof's Victims,

  Hmm..I hope this is coherent, cuz I is helpin Miz HM and her house
  mates clean their kitchen...and there is this big cask of Chateau
  Cardboard gathering dust...

  In case some of youse is wonderin, I is in Canberra visitin Miz HM.
  Canberra is the  nashnul capital of Orstralia.....they synthesises
  pollytishuns here..by cripes they has made some rare brews, such as
  Lil "Johnnie the Wanker" Howard, but I digresses.

  Miz HM is attendin ANU...that is short fer Australian National
  University...Miz HM is attempting ter git a PhD in homebake...bet
  the folks in the Projects in Chicago would love her...Oops!..I did
  not say that..OK?!!

  Miz HM shares a house wid another herbivore, who is also a chemist
  type, as well as a carnivore, who is a muso. I feel sorry fer the
  muso, cuz he is normal and I worries about him starvin, seein as he
  has ter live wid a couple of female herbivores...I has been tryin
  ter feed the lad up:)

  I has renamed Canberra to Russelltown. I has done this because the
  place is literally full of Russells....Russells is 1984 Celicas...is
  weird..it is though all 1984 Celicas (particularly red ones) has
  been drawn like magnets ter Orstralia's nashnul capital.


  Most of Canberra is a big lake...it ain't even a real lake..is a
  artificial one...wid synthetic water....pity the pollytishuns they
  breed here ain't synthetic too, cuz then yer could melt the buggers
  wid the addition of a bit of heat:)

  Speakin of synthesisin..Miz HM is synthesisin thc atm...I kids yers
  not...I tole her that I  would show her how ter grow some...gotta be
  easier than synthesisin it! Talk about reinventin the wheel the hard
  way..sheesh!!

  Yesserday I visited the Aussie War Museum...that is a sad place and
  is full of stuffed horses...unfortunately it was also full of noisy,
  unstuffed school scrotes...I felt like silencin a few of
  em..permanently !!

  Terday I visited the Nashnul Museum, wot has lots of Aboriginal
  stuff in it and Phar Lap's heart. Phar Lap's heart was the most
  innerestin exhibit..Phar Lap was a famous race horse iffen yer is
  wounderin...he went ter Amerca and them Mercans poisoned him..we has
  never forgiven the Mercans fer that...his heart was massive in
  size..he was borned in New Zealand, but we try not ter mention that,
  cuz, iffen we do, them Kiwis start jumpin up and down about how they
  invented everything from pavlova ter bungee jumpin !  And iffen that
  ain't enough they has ter rub our noses in it by mentioning the fact
  that our Amerca's Cup challenge yacht sank afore it even gort inna
  race.

  Termorrer I is goin ter Wagga Wagga (Aussie place names has a habit
  of repeatin emselfs..like Wagga Wagga and Gin Gin...jes in case a
  person didn't hear it the fust time or summat!) ter visit some loony
  mates. Wagga Wagga is onna border wid NSW and Victoria and lots of
  border wars go orn there between the New South Welshmen and them
  idjit Victorians...NSW and Victoria hates each other's guts. When
  Orstralia decided ter become a nation and not jes one of Queen
  Vicky's colonial outposts, NSW and Victoria had this big bunfight as
  to where the new Aussie capital would be situated. Both of em wanted
  it ter be their capital cities. They started hurling meat pies at
  each other and the country was gittin real messy, so the Keep
  Australia Beautiful Council gort involved and the Greens and all
  them idjit conservationist critters ..all them pies wot was bein
  thrown all over the place was makin a real mess of the
  countryside...so ter stop the pie throwing it was decided ter make
  the new capital half way between the two capital cities (Sydney and
  Melbourne)..so now Canberra is situated orn one of me mate's
  farms..wot means his family has been dispossessed by all them
  pollytishuns and other public service critters.

  Being considerate sorts, they did decide ter name one of the new
  capital's suburbs after me mate's family...jes ter stop him them
  from hurlin cowpats at the Prime Minister. Frankly, iffen it had
  been me, I would have continued ter throw cowpats!




-- 
Best regards,
 Woofie                          mailto:woofie at woofess.com


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"The one constant in life is absurdity" - Woofie - 30/4/02
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