TheBanyanTree: Seagulls - 11/06/03

[Woofie]

Howdy Woof's Victims,

  Popped downstairs ter have coffee wid a couple of the office
  undesirables at lunchtime terday. Unfortunately the Woofess was
  caught associating wid these undesirables by some of the big
  heavies, so she has prolly executed one of them career-limiting
  moves..but as there is no career ter limit, it prolly doan matter no
  ways..was good ter see the looks onna heavies' faces, but:))

  Onna way back upstairs inna lift wid one of the undesirables, there
  was also a dude from another floor. This dude, who I dunno, jes
  happened ter be holding a bucket of hot chips (fries)...and one big
  fat chip jes happened ter be poking out invitingly at me. The
  temptation was too great. As the lift stopped at our floor, I jes
  eased that chip out of its bucket and into me mouth.

  The owner of the bucket of chips jes looked dumbfounded and then
  muttered summat about seagulls inna lift. Office Undesirable #1 sez
  as we gort out of the lift:

  "I doan believe you jes did that!!!"

  He then collapsed against the wall of the foyer whilst trying ter
  overcome a fit of convulsive giggles.

  I doan believe I did that either..specially to a total stranger.

  ---------------------------

  I has tole you afore about the brain damidged folks wot catches our
  train and how wunnerful they all is and how they all cheers us up
  wid their jokes and stuff. Terday, one of the other fellers at work
  had his own story ter tell about two dudes on his train ter work
  terday.

  These two dudes was arguing very loudly, but amiably, about which
  one of them was the smarter.:
  Dude #1 sez ter Dude #2, "OK..if you are so smart, tell me what 26
  divided by 5 is!"
  Dude #2 replies,"Aww gee..that is too hard..I don't know what it
  is!"
  Dude #1 replies triumphantly, "Hah! Well I AM smarter than you,
  because I know the answer! 26 divided by 5 equals 12!"

  Apparently, there were collective gasps and wheezes from all the
  occupants of the train carriage....they were all trying not to laugh
  at this, as, naturally, they didn't want to hurt the dudes' feelings.

  This would have been one of those Kodak moments iffen a filly had
  been there wid a camera..jes ter capture the expression on alla
  listeners' faces:)

  -----------------------------


  The Woofess has been very busy since she last harrassed yers...

  She has also been gittin culture.....in
  one week she went ter see Puppetry of the P*nis(I has ter do that
  cuz a lot of them silly spam filter programs ban the real word!) ter
  the ballet...even though we gort treated like royalty atta ballet
  wid free booze aforehand and a party wid alla ballet dancers
  afterwards (more free booze and food) and we gort ter stay inna
  flash hotel and stuff, I gotta say that Puppetry of the P*nis was
  the superior show...by cripes that was funny.

  I can't see it goin doan too well inna Bible Belt, even though it
  was totally innocuous and inoffensive...it was jes dudes stretchin
  their dangly bits into weird shapes, such as the hamburger, the
  pelican, the Eiffel Tower, the ...yeah..well you git the idea... I
  bought the book wid alla different shapes yer could make, hoping
  that I could coerce the Spouse into trying some of them...I hate ter
  admit that so far he has refused...WIMP!!
  
  I am even more disgusted with him since Davo (our resident seriously
  religious, fundamentalist, born again Christian dude at work) comes
  trottin up ter me the other day and sez:

  "I gotta tell you this....last night me missus was yappin onna phone
  fer hours and I was tryin ter git her attention but she kept
  ignoring me...I was gitting really frustrated, so..... I drops me
  dacks (pants) in front of her and does the "pelican"!! Me missus
  screeches wid laughter and the person onna other end of the phone is
  askin wot is the matter and me missus is saying..

  "err..nothing Mum..Davo was just showing me something...""

  I sent Davo home that day wid instructions ter attempt the hamburger
  (one of the most difficult shapes) next time:)

  Hmm!! Iffen Davo, who is a pastor of his church can drop his dacks
  and do some of them tricks, surely the Spouse could at least try!!!!




-- 
Best regards,
 Woofie                          mailto:woofie at woofess.com


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"The one constant in life is absurdity" - Woofie - 30/4/02
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Website: http://www.woofess.com
Photos: http://public.fotki.com/woofie/