TheBanyanTree: Bah! Humbug!

[Sharon Mack]

I really don't know what's been wrong with me.  For the last three days I have been grumpy and feeling really mean inside my head, which as of last night, deteriorated into depression.  I feel so near tears that I wish I hadn't come to work for fear of breaking down at any moment.  Unfortunately I have no credible reason for this happening.  Everything has been fine at work and at home.  No problems of any sort.  Just have been feeling unbearably sad.

Last night my youngest son called from Baltimore.  I had felt so physically tired because of the depression that I had already gone to bed.  We talked about Christmas presents.  He was feeling very frustrated because work has been really slow and he hasn't been getting many hours in.  He can't buy Christmas presents.  I suggested a Christmas card with little notes in them saying something on the order of  "This card entitles you to one free dinner (breakfast or lunch) at your favorite place after January 5th."  He could be creative and think of other things that each individual would like*a massage (he's GREAT at massages) for close family members (like his mother), or a shopping trip to a favorite store where he would purchase the present of the person's choice (especially good for his nieces and nephews).  He wasn't too enthralled with the idea. He wants stuff to give!  Real presents, he said. 

I then told him not too worry about gifts for when he comes here to New England to spend Christmas (he arrives on the 21st and is staying till the 26th).  I told him that I had bought extra presents for everyone here to cover him.  He asked me what I got for his friend Johnny coming in from Florida.  I told him that I had gotten a beautiful pair of black leather gloves and**.I got no further.  He went off.  He criticized me quite unkindly for being stupid enough to buy someone who lives in Florida and only visits New England once a year, gloves.  I told him we would switch presents.  He could give Johnny the cologne I had gotten, and I would give the gloves with a statement or note that said, "for your New England visits."  Afterall they ARE $65.00 gloves.  

Well, I won't go into the rest of the conversation.  I just hung up on him.  It was too unbearable and I was too tired.  Today I find myself trying to come up with another present for this young man, my son's friend, which makes me mad at myself.  I finished all my shopping, bought for all my loved ones, planned ahead.  Everything is wrapped and I did it with kindness in my heart.  I really don't have any more money to spend.  I buy presents all year long as I find them because I can't afford a big haul at the end.  The only money I have left is what I carefully set aside for food for the holidays**yet I keep on trying to figure a way to buy a different gift for my son to give his friend.

What is up with that, I ask you???  I must be out of my mind!