TheBanyanTree: Old and new

[JMoney]

When we lived down south we had a fake Christmas tree that we used year
after year after year.  It had a 3 legged metal stand that held a wooden
pole drilled into with strategically angled holes in which were inserted
wires wrapped in green tinsel.  When the boys were little I would sit down
with them and we would make crepe paper chains.  These we would hang around
the house and on the tree along with the growing collection of angels, stars
and baubles that they'd made during their progress through kinder and
school.   There were a lot of lovely memories associated with that tree but
by the time we were ready to move it was looking severely bedraggled,
extremely tinsel-challenged, so it went into the skip along with the rest of
the stuff that wasn't worth paying removalist fees to haul north.  Next
year, we said, we'll have a real tree.

And so we did.  It was an Araucaria pine in a pot.  Three years we had that
and then my troubles got the better of me and I forgot to water it.  One day
I went outside and saw that it was dry, brown and dead.

After that, for the following five years, the lead up to Christmas found me
fully occupied with just worrying about food and the buying and preparation
of it.  Forget writing and sending cards.  Forget getting a tree, putting it
up and decorating it.  All that was just too much.  It was all I could do to
wrap presents the night before and cook and serve dinner on the day.

But this year the pieces have started coming back together.  The possibility
of a future has become imaginable once more and I can think with love,
rather than guilt, of the people who have continued to remember us at
Christmas over these last five years despite having received nothing from me
in return.

So this year I sent cards again.  I even sent one to my scary, bossy sister.
She's far enough away that I don't have to fear that she'll just drop in one
day and start haranguing me over what she perceives to be my many faults.

And today I bought a new fake tree.  It's a dear little thing, only 2 feet
high including the base.  It came in a nice box with a handle where I can
put it away when the season is over.  It has plenty of fake branches.
They're attached and heavily adorned with fire retardant fake needles.  I
can bend them as I wish to produce the symmetry necessary for the kind of
decorating I like to do.

When you have such a small tree it doesn't take much to decorate the side
that's on show.  One loop of 20 blinking lights, eighteen new 3cm diameter
baubles in red, silver and pearl, and two lengths of shiny beads in blue and
gold and it was done - except for the star on top that I'll have to make
because I couldn't find one small enough in the shops.

It looks very pretty sitting on the small table in the living room.  Looking
at it makes me feel happy, not just because it's pretty but also because
it's proof that I have it within me to enjoy Christmas once again.

Janice