TheBanyanTree: Helpful information rides again

[Peter Macinnis]

belief.  A device for postponing, possibly even indefinitely, the need to
engage in forming a judgement.

bell, book and candle.  Used in exorcism.  While candle makers and book
makers are well known, bell makers are less recognised.  The average bell
maker needs to be able to take any available metallic hardware, and turn it
into something which emits a sonorous clang.  The highest compliment to pay
a master bell maker is to declare that if you give him a hinge, he'll make
a knell.

berceuse.  A French drinking song about beer.  As befits the quality of
French ales, most of these songs are slow and dolorous.

beret.  Originally a Roman triumphal cap, awarded in lieu of a laurel
wreath in late autumn, winter and early spring.  This explains why Mark
Antony, in mid-March, announced 'I come to beret Caesar'.  During the
non-laurel months, military failures were slowly dried over a small fire,
which explains why Antony added the words 'not to braise him'.

Berkeley, Bishop.  A philosopher and cleric who sailed for Bermuda in 1728,
but never got there, and ended up spending three years in a small forest on
Rhode Island, after which time he posed his famous question: if a triangle
falls in the water and nobody hears it, can there have been much of a
splash?  This was the origin of the Bermuda triangle theory, but Berkeley
is largely remembered for a series of later variations on his original
question.  The thoughtful but slightly deaf Bishop also believed that tar
water is a sovereign remedy for all ills.

Berkeley, Busby.  The original poser of the question 'if you put on a show
and nobody comes to see it, can it truly be called a show?'.

Berliner.  A donut of the sort that President J. F. Kennedy claimed to be
when speaking at the Brandenburg Gate.  The hole only came later, in
Dallas.  *Bishop Berkeley* would probably argue that the hole was there all
the time, but nobody had heard the shot before Dallas.

Bermuda triangle.  An area where many disappearances are said to take
place.  The area encloses the known range of the drifting sand islands of
San Serif, and it is likely that the recorded disappearances are caused by
an interplay of Coriolis forces and the sand-moving currents which surround
the island system.  In the view of many falling trees on the disappearing
sides of the islands, it is a great pity that *Bishop Berkeley* did not
come into close contact with this area.

Bible Belt.  A source of disagreement among fundamentalists, second only to
the debate on whether or not Adam and Eve had navels.  Essentially, the
question revolves around how Adam and Eve kept their fig leaves up (Genesis
3:7).  The orthodox Bible Belt faction say that Adam and Eve would never
have used braces, and that anybody who does so is an abomination in the
sight of the Lord.  The Strict Bible Belters can also be very boring in a
holy sort of way about a brace and bit.

bicameral.  A condition found in many tourists of the Pacific Rim.

bicycle pump.  A device used to maintain the operational strength of the
Sinclair inflatable bicycle which had a brief vogue in the mid-1970s.
These bicycles dropped from favour when people discovered the problems of
trying to ride through any puddle deeper than 3 cm.  It was, users said,
only just better than sliding along the ground on their backsides, giving
rise to the jocular saying bike it or rump it.

bifocal spectacles.  Two-ring circuses.

bigamist.  1. An Italian fog.  2. When male, a bigamist may be accepted by
both 'wives' on the ground that half an oaf is better than none.

Big Bang.  While this is now popularly held to have happened, *Bishop
Berkeley* is still not certain.  This is because his ears were full of tar
water at the time.  The other uncertain matter is whether or not the
*Invisigoths* were there, but the Good Bishop certainly did not see them.

bigot.  A person with prejudices different from your own.

biltong.  A gripping tool, modelled on the beak of a bird of prey.

binary code.  A set of laws laid down at the Council of Binos between
412-414 AD.  The laws generally clung to a 'live and let live' principle,
but they were overthrown in 415 AD by the same group of bloodthirsty monks
who murdered Hypatia.

binocular vision.  It was a sighting of a vision of three angels at Binos
by a goat boy which actually led to the Council of Binos being held.


  _--|\    Peter Macinnis             macinnis at ozemail.com.au
 /     \   Feral wordsmith on the right side of Oz at Manly
 \.--._* <-NSW, where they also surf who only stand and wade
      v    http://members.ozemail.com.au/~macinnis/index.htm