TheBanyanTree: Office Sex - 10/04/03

[Woofie]

Howdy Woof's Victims,

  Today we all received an official missive via email from our elders
  and betters:

  "[Dipstick, Longcrap and Woolly Bum], the [Dumbass] House Facilities
  Manager, has advised that, effective Monday, April 14 2003, access
  to all floors in [Dumbass] House will be by Mil-Key Only."

  Now, I must explain about Mil keys, else the rest of this woofpost
  will be more incomprehensible (reprehensible? one hopes all woof
  posts fall into that category) than usual;)

  Mil keys are long flat blue plastic phallic symbol objects and you
  insert them into a slot ter make them do things like open doors and
  stuff. Unfortunately mil keys NEVER work the first time you insert
  them into a particular slot at any given instant in time when you
  are trying to get to A from B, through an electronically locked
  access door.

  Actually, that is not quite true...once a mil key did open a door on
  the first insertion, but the inserter died of shock. All mil keys
  are now carefully programmed never to replicate this:)

  For the past couple of years, all those pore benighted souls who
  worked on the top floors..ie where alla pollytishuns live..has had
  to do the Mil key tango in the lift. This tango is fascinating to
  all the other inhabitants of the lift (elevator fer youse iggerant
  Yanks!). The inserter has to hold one paw on the button for their
  particular floor whilst furiously inserting and de inserting their
  mil key many many times, until their floor button lights up. If they
  are lucky the floor button will light up before the lift reaches the
  top of the building. If not, they are doomed to repeat it:)

  Watching one of these pore benighted souls doing a furious "in and
  out" is more than just hypnotising...it has actually caused folks
  ter have orgasms in the lifts..and not jes any ole orgasm but a full
  on "when Harry met Sally" job.

  Sometimes these "sex acts" resembles one of the positions from
  the Kama Sutra..that is cuz the pore benighted souls have ter wear
  their mil keys (did I say Mill keys..or mill stones? Hmm..) round
  their neck with their ID badges, soze they doan git caught short
  when havin ter make a dash ter the dunny...now imagine..you are
  short...your mil key is on a short cord...you have to insert yer mil
  key down low..and the button fer yer floor is high up cuz yer works
  orn the 13th floor.....

  From Monday onwards, everyone inna building is gonna have ter
  personally have sex with the lift slot soze they can git ter their
  particular floor.

  Can youse imagine the usual packed lift durin peak hour inna
  morning and everyone tryin ter have sex wid the lift at the same
  time?

  I feel sorry fer the folks wot live onna first floor, cuz unless
  they can pops their corks afore they reaches the door.....




-- 
Best regards,
 Woofie                          mailto:woofie at woofess.com


**********************************************************
"The one constant in life is absurdity" - Woofie - 30/4/02
**********************************************************

Website: http://www.woofess.com
Photos: http://public.fotki.com/woofie/