<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN">
<HTML><HEAD>
<META http-equiv=Content-Type content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1">
<META content="MSHTML 6.00.2722.900" name=GENERATOR>
<STYLE></STYLE>
</HEAD>
<BODY style="COLOR: #000000; FONT-FAMILY: Arial" bgColor=#ffffff>
<DIV><FONT size=2>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face=Arial
size=2></FONT> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3></FONT> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>Mom married my father when she discovered she was pregnant.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>She was sixteen when I was born, only a
child herself.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Perhaps she saw
marriage as a vehicle to get away from her alcoholic father’s rages and
beatings. </FONT><FONT size=3><FONT face="Times New Roman">But motherhood
was much more demanding than Mom thought it would be.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>She must have been frustrated and
bitter.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>While her friends were
going to dances, socializing and having fun, she was stuck at home with a
child.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns =
"urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>Her own violent temper revealed her resentment.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Home was not a safe place for me.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>As far back as I can remember, when I
made minor mistakes like getting my clothes dirty or walking into the house with
my shoes on, she beat me, pulled my hair and slapped my face.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Sometimes I feared for my life.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Mom expected me to be
perfect.</FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>Dad wasn’t around much as he was a shift worker at the local pulp
mill.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>There were four children in
the family and the youngest always got all of his attention.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>He loved babies, but didn’t know how to
relate to older children.</FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3></FONT></SPAN> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>Throughout my childhood, I tried to earn my parents’ love.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I excelled at school and demanded
perfection from myself.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>If I made a
mistake, it wasn’t sufficient to cross out or erase the error; I needed to
rewrite the entire page.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I brought
home excellent grades - not straight A’s, mind you, but A’s and B’s.</FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>I was always excited at report card time.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Good grades meant I had value; I was
worthwhile and deserving of love.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I
had proof to show my parents.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
<EM>'</EM></SPAN><EM>Look Mom.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Look
Dad.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>See my good report card.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Do you love me
now?'</EM><SPAN><EM> </EM> </SPAN>But Dad didn’t know how to give
praise; I felt disappointed when he pointed to the B’s and asked me why they
weren’t A’s.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>And no matter what my
marks were, Mom continued to brutalize me.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>When I graduated from high school and left home, I believed I was a
mistake.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I just didn’t measure
up.</FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>Later, at work, I continued to try to prove myself and felt the same
responsibility toward a job as if I was company owner.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Although I was an adult, old messages
controlled my life.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>'<I
style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">Try harder.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Excel.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Be perfect.'</I><SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I did all of those things.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>As my parents had, I continued to expect
perfection from myself.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Doing a
good job allowed me to feel as if I had worth.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>My work became a large part of my
identity.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>When I made an error, I
suffered for days.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I punished me,
just as my mother had punished me.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>Consciously, I knew I was harming myself but I seemed unable to
stop.</FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman">Six years ago, a new Corporation with great aspirations
and not enough staff hired me.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>For
the first two years I worked as Assistant to the Vice President, and put in huge
amounts of overtime in order to keep the work up-to-date.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>By the end of every day, I felt as if I
had run a marathon, but I prided myself on my ability to manage my extremely
heavy workload.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> <EM>'</EM></SPAN><EM>See
me now.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Am I good
enough?'<o:p></o:p></EM></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>After two years, I was exhausted and short-tempered.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I found it hard to concentrate.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>There was little left of ‘me’ to give to
my husband and daughter.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Most of my
energy went into my job. </FONT><FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3>When
the opportunity arose, I transferred to the accounting department.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>An ember of resentment ignited in the
pit of my stomach as I watched the Corporation put three full-time people in the
position I left behind. </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>For the first six months, I was thrilled with my new job.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>However, the Corporation took on some
additional projects and my workload doubled.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>This time, I determined, I would ask for
help. This was a huge step; as a child, I learned not to need anyone and to only
count on myself.</FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>“Now that we’ve taken on these new projects, there is too much work for
one person; I need help,” I told my boss.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>“I’m not prepared to work a lot of overtime like I did in my previous
position.” </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>“We think you can handle it, Pat.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>We won’t be hiring anyone,” he said.</FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>The smoldering in the pit of my stomach flared.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> <EM>'</EM></SPAN><EM>They just don’t care how I
feel.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>They don’t take me
seriously</EM>.' </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman">Nevertheless, I accepted the challenge.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Again, I ran all day as I tried to keep
up to an impossible workload.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I
couldn’t control myself.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Somehow, I
was reliving my childhood role.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>And
just as my parents didn’t value me, the Corporation did not appreciate my
efforts.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Work sapped all of my
energy.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I had trouble sleeping; I
was irritable and tired all the time.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>Something needed to change.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>I asked to job-share and surprisingly, the Corporation agreed.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I continued to push myself very hard
while I waited for them to hire someone.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>Nothing happened.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Finally,
after ten months I advised my boss I planned to seek other employment.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Immediately, the Corporation advertised
the job-share position and hired Mary two months later.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>It took a full year for the job share to
be implemented.</FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>But it wasn’t smooth sailing. By now, I was in full-fledged burnout and
should have taken medical leave.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>Instead, I soldiered on.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>The
Corporation gave Mary three weeks of instant holidays in the first two
months.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>On her first day of work,
she presented me with a calendar and told me when I would be filling in for
her.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>The fire inside my stomach
burned hotter.</FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>I was to work three days a week and Mary, two.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Although I wrote her a training manual,
she didn’t read it and she was slow to catch on.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Again, I worked like a whirlwind as I
tried to do 90% of the workload in 60% of the time.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Finally, I advised my supervisor there
were problems with Mary’s productivity.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>He did not address the issue. </FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>Recently, after another indication I was not valued, I erupted like a
volcano, swore at my boss and walked out.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
I'd had enough. </SPAN>I’m on medical leave now for ‘burnout from
excessive demands.’<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Currently, Mary
is working full time and the Corporation has given her a full time assistant
because she couldn’t handle the workload.</FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3></FONT> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>This is my opportunity to learn.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>I am at fault for not setting limits on myself and on the
Corporation.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I was unable to
control my compulsion to keep an unreasonable workload up-to-date (at the
expense of my health), and I didn’t know how to respond when management ignored
my repeated claims that the workload was too heavy.</FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman">For six years, I slaved for the Corporation; I sought
recognition. <SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>The same way I sought
approval from my parents.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Like my
parents, my employer did not value me, and continually took advantage of my work
ethic.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman">I didn’t get the love I needed as a child, but I can stop
trying to earn it now.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>It’s up to
me to love myself enough to set limits on how much of myself I am willing to
give to a job and on what I will accept from others.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman"
size=3>I’m almost fifty years old.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>It’s time to stop trying so hard. This incident taught me that I don’t
need to prove myself to anyone.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I
am a good person and an excellent worker; I am entitled to respect and
consideration.</FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"> <o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman">I’m good enough just the way I am.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"><SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"></SPAN></FONT></FONT> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"><SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"></SPAN></FONT></FONT> </P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">Pat
Martin</SPAN></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3><FONT
face="Times New Roman"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">April
2003</SPAN></FONT></FONT></P></FONT></DIV></BODY></HTML>