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<div class="Section1">
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="EmailStyle15"><font size="2"
color="black" face="Arial"><span
style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;">It’s overwhelming sometimes,
it’s hard and it’s painful and it’s just too much and I don’t think I can
bear it yet another day, but I have to, there aren’t any options. <o:p></o:p></span></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="EmailStyle15"><font size="2"
color="black" face="Arial"><span
style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;"><!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="EmailStyle15"><font size="2"
color="black" face="Arial"><span
style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;">When someone close to me is
in pain and they aren’t even sure why, I feel such pain at my inability to
help, and when that someone is my husband, though separated, and dependent
on me for work and income, it can be overwhelming. <o:p></o:p></span></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="EmailStyle15"><font size="2"
color="black" face="Arial"><span
style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;"><!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="EmailStyle15"><font size="2"
color="black" face="Arial"><span
style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;">My bills are past due. My creditors
are hounding me. Stew can’t work, except minimally, and that for a client
who can’t afford to pay us, but he has an immense crush on her and will do
anything she asks. That in itself doesn’t bother me, but what I really need
is money. His other client, the computer store, he’s waiting and waiting
and waiting for me to take charge of, to tell him what to do, to lay the
groundwork, to instruct and get him going and keep him moving, and even though
I tell him how to start, where to begin, he keeps waiting for me to do more.
Even his client, the one he’s infatuated with, he needs to be taught how
to do things that he wasn’t doing right, and my time is so severely limited
right now. The rest of the clients and the marketing are my responsibility
– the setups, the weekly service, the taxes, the monthly and quarterly service,
the questions questions questions, those are all mine, and it’s almost April
15<sup>th</sup>. When I ask him to research something for me I’m lucky if
he even remembers I asked him, even though I did it by email. Rarely do I
get answers. <o:p></o:p></span></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="EmailStyle15"><font size="2"
color="black" face="Arial"><span
style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;"><!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="EmailStyle15"><font size="2"
color="black" face="Arial"><span
style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;">And he’s in pain and doesn’t
know why, and there’s not much I can do except offer support and offer support
and offer support, and sometimes my support is tapped out. He gets his disability,
he gets money from his parents, he is supposed to get 30% of what the business
brings in – and I try to make do with what I can. My credit cards are tapped
out, my bank account is empty, and my car payment is due today, and I’ve
only paid 1/3 of it. All I have is myself, and while it’s true he does help
me out by doing personal stuff for me that I don’t have time for when I’m
really busy, it’s sometimes not enough.<o:p></o:p></span></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="EmailStyle15"><font size="2"
color="black" face="Arial"><span
style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;"><!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="EmailStyle15"><font size="2"
color="black" face="Arial"><span
style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;">My car is a big deal, because
without it I can’t work. I travel every day to see clients, and since they’re
scattered around the area north and to the east of Seattle, a car is really
the only way to do it.<o:p></o:p></span></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="EmailStyle15"><font size="2"
color="black" face="Arial"><span
style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;"><!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="EmailStyle15"><font size="2"
color="black" face="Arial"><span
style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;">So I worry about losing my
car, my apartment, my utilities, my phone. My phone is vital to my work too
of course. <o:p></o:p></span></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="EmailStyle15"><font size="2"
color="black" face="Arial"><span
style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;"><!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="EmailStyle15"><font size="2"
color="black" face="Arial"><span
style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;">And I worry about him, and
if he’s going to hurt himself again. He cut again the other day. His therapist
was quite annoyed with him, but I’ve taken the attitude that, “Aw, geez,
dude, that’s too bad you felt you had to do that – did it help?” And if it
helped alleviate the pain, even a little, I say, “Well, I’m glad it helped
anyway,” and it’s no big deal. After all, people do worse things to themselves
all the time than slice their arm and hand with a razor blade, right?<o:p></o:p></span></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="EmailStyle15"><font size="2"
color="black" face="Arial"><span
style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;"><!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="EmailStyle15"><font size="2"
color="black" face="Arial"><span
style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;">Mental illness is a pain in
the ass. It’s isolating – for both of us. He feels isolated of course, because
no one can understand what he’s going through and he feels so alone. I feel
isolated because, well, I must be constantly cheerful and upbeat for him
at risk of making him feel really bad if I’m not because he takes things
so personally, and I feel like I’m out here fighting a battle by myself.
We separated for several reasons, all of them still valid, still good reasons.
Still present reasons, and that won’t change. Still I feel an obligation
to help him as much as I can because he is important to me as a friend, if
not a husband.<o:p></o:p></span></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="EmailStyle15"><font size="2"
color="black" face="Arial"><span
style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;"><!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="EmailStyle15"><font size="2"
color="black" face="Arial"><span
style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;">I’m tired. I’m very tired.
He is constantly tired – his regimen of meds includes anti-psychotics and
anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, and who knows what else. A three-month supply
of all of them costs, with insurance, $1200. His meds make him tired and
keep him perpetually sleepy. He manages to get to the gym and work out though,
sometimes, I think perhaps selfishly, at the expense of work. His illness
makes him anxious, sad, and depressed.<o:p></o:p></span></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="EmailStyle15"><font size="2"
color="black" face="Arial"><span
style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;"><!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="EmailStyle15"><font size="2"
color="black" face="Arial"><span
style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;">I feel like I have a dependent
I’m responsible for – a dependent who, after offered suggestions, will then
disregard them entirely and keep himself down because it’s easier. He is,
after all, an adult, and not subject to anything I suggest. I’m tired, and
I have to guard against falling into depression myself at the enormity of
what I’m facing. <o:p></o:p></span></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="EmailStyle15"><font size="2"
color="black" face="Arial"><span
style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;"><!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="EmailStyle15"><font size="2"
color="black" face="Arial"><span
style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;">Orvis asked me last night if
I saw light at the end of the tunnel, and I said yes, I did. I do see it,
though sometimes, like today, I wonder if I have the strength to get there
from here. <o:p></o:p></span></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="EmailStyle15"><font size="2"
color="black" face="Arial"><span
style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;"><!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="EmailStyle15"><font size="2"
color="black" face="Arial"><span
style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;">Batman<o:p></o:p></span></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="EmailStyle15"><font size="2"
color="black" face="Arial"><span
style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;"><!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="EmailStyle15"><font size="2"
color="black" face="Arial"><span
style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;"><!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="EmailStyle15"><font size="2"
color="black" face="Arial"><span
style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;"><!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></font></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="EmailStyle15"><font size="2"
color="black" face="Arial"><span
style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial;"><!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></font></span></p>
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