TheBanyanTree: People

[Sachet]

Another fascinating story that allows us to know you all the better, Pam.
That’s always a bonus. 🥰

Learning that some people were sometimes just here for a season in my life
was the hardest lesson I had to learn as an adult.

Because I love and I love big and I make an awesome friend. I had this
mentality that that friends were for life. And then I learned that not
everyone felt that way as they got busy with their adult lives. Spouses,
kids, life in general cause ppl to move apart at times.

Then there are friends like the twiglets, that are friends for life. Even
when they pass on like Dee, Cecil and CJ, they always exist in our hearts.
💞

On Fri, Oct 18, 2024 at 1:44 PM Pam James via TheBanyanTree <
thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com> wrote:

> Last night I dreamed about writing about how I came to be in the Marine
> Corps.  And how fortunate I am now with medical insurance.  I'm figuring
> that's because I wrote yesterday, and then later had a conversation about
> my medical insurance with somebody and then my brain turned it into a
> dream.
>
> There are days I think deeply and wonder why there are people who play HUGE
> parts in our life, but for a very short time, and then move on - not like,
> say, somebody we marry and have children with 'huge', but huge
> nonetheless - and then days I can't find my phone that I'm talking on...
> <sigh>
>
> There was a guy in the Marine Corps that I never actually worked with, and
> we really didn't know each other all that well, but we knew who the other
> was enough to acknowledge each other and say hello.  I saw him at church
> once when I'd gone with my children to the base chapel, and as he walked
> by, he squeezed my shoulder in acknowledgement, and then went and sat down
> with his daughters, and we didn't interact again.  But that squeeze was so
> comforting and ... deep!  I got such a 'warm fuzzy' whenever I thought
> about it!
>
> Years later when my drinking was daily and out of control, I ran into him
> at the commissary and we started talking (I felt like that shoulder squeeze
> set me up for that) - and it came out that this BIG-TIME party guy wasn't a
> partier anymore!  I thought, 'great!  I could date him and drink less!'.
> We exchanged numbers and he called and we DID set up a date - to an AA
> meeting!  Hahahahahahaaa!!!  We became closer friends and I spent a lot of
> time with him and his younger daughters for a couple of years, but
> eventually we both went our separate ways and I haven't seen him in eons!
>  But I've been sober for more than 18 years since, and his part was done!!
>
> And then there was Ray Jones.
>
> After high school I wanted no part of college or more schooling, and I was
> loving my job at McDonald's!  This was 1978-79, and Barry Manilow was still
> singing the jingles!  I was a S.T.A.R. (Store Area Representative) Hostess
> and swing-manager!  I gave birthday parties and took their orange drink out
> to organizational functions, and I could manage the store alone if no
> full-time manager was on site!  I wore a special bright orange/red outfit
> and I had families and friends who all brought their kids to my parties!  I
> moved out after graduation and was able to afford living with a roommate
> and a car and insurance!  Good times!
>
> And then I met a manager of another McDonald's - Ray Jones!  I don't
> remember actually meeting him, just that I did.  And I fell in love!  He
> was about 30 to my 18, divorced from Debbie Jean, and he had a little
> girl.  My parents hated him!  Debbie Jean hated ME!  Ahh, more good
> times!!  At some point I had moved back home (I think my roommate, who was
> the little sister of my favorite English/BibLit teacher, reconciled with
> her husband and moved home), and it gave my parents more chances to hate
> him!  I went to his apartment one Sunday to watch football and we drank.
> He drove me home after and my parents were pissed!  I'm still not sure
> why!  I was of legal age to drink, and I didn't drive myself!
>
> At some points in it all, my father forbade me to see him; told me I had to
> quit my job; and tried to take my car that he had co-signed for but that I
> made all the payments for!  Ha!  Turns out he couldn't do that last one
> (according to the lawyer that Ray asked!), so we went to Ford Motor Credit
> where the car was parked, and Ray exchanged some hose from his car to mine
> to get it started, and we drove it away!
>
> My father came looking for it outside Ray's apartment.  He was in his
> step-van with my uncle and my brother who was about 13.  We wouldn't vacate
> the car and Ray (who was driving) started to drive off.  My brother jumped
> on the hood of the car and wouldn't get off!!  Good times!!  So there we
> were, driving down Bragg Boulevard, one of the busiest roads in
> Fayetteville back in the day (and I wonder if they've changed the name
> since they changed the name of Fort Bragg to Fort Liberty!)!  We were going
> slow with this kid on the hood, but still...  My father got somebody to get
> in front of us and force us to stop, and then my dad came up with a hammer
> and busted the driver's window with glass flying everywhere!!  We hustled
> out the passenger side, they got the car, and we headed to the courthouse
> to press charges for assault!  GOOD TIMES!!
>
> And then somebody with authority let my father know that he could NOT have
> the car since it was mine, and I was paying on it!  I just remember that I
> had the car again.  And I guess I was staying with Ray.  But he had gone to
> Raleigh (a few hours away) to visit his father and he'd taken my car.  I
> had to work and might not be able to get the car to cover in bad weather -
> with that busted out and unfixed window and all - so I was driving his, and
> it was parked outside.  His ex came to the apartment and barged in and when
> she found me she started throwing a fit and breaking things, so I went next
> door and called him.  He came back to town, but he went to see Debbie Jean
> first.  That pissed me off, so I rethought my life and decided I needed to
> make a change!
>
> The problem with changes is, no matter where you go, *there* you are!!  I
> had decided to move to Indiana to live with my sister.  I fixed the window
> and got in my car and drove to St Louis to visit an old friend that I'd
> once babysat for, and then up to Mishawaka, Indiana to live.  I got a job
> at McDonald's there but I didn't last long.  My sister was married to a guy
> who had a wandering dick, and she quickly became concerned for me!  So I
> decided to move to Hartford, Connecticut to live at my aunt's!  And so I
> got in my car and drove there, via Long Island, NY to visit family friends
> there first! (Hey!  If I'm on a road trip, might as well make the most of
> it!!)  However, I should note that I got turned around and went back and
> forth over the same bridge a couple of times and ended up paying a toll
> each time, and arrived in LI broke!  But they were kind and gave me $50 to
> make it to Connecticut.  Which was good because I hadn't told my aunt I'd
> be stopping in NY and she was frantic!  So after a couple of days I bade
> them goodbye and drove off!
>
> I actually got a job at the American Heart Association in Hartford! I don't
> remember what I was supposed to do, I just remember being thrilled to have
> a job with a real 'lunch hour'!!  Then they asked me if I smoked and I
> immediately lied and said no - lest the AHA fire me for poor heart habits!
> - but she was just going to tell me where smoke breaks happened!  Damn!!
> (Crime never pays!)  But as it turns out, I wasn't there for long anyway.
>
> Somewhere in between all the drama back home, I had applied to a nearby
> college and my acceptance letter had arrived.  My parents called and told
> me that they wanted me home to go!  And so I drove back to North Carolina!
> (This was a lot of driving for an 18 year old, and I gotta mention, I have
> NO idea how I did it all before the days of Mapquest and GPSs!!!)  So I
> told the folks at the AHA that my dad had had an accident and I needed to
> rush home.  When I got home I found out that he'd fallen off a scaffolding
> (he had rigged up a sketchy platform to hang wallpaper up high) and HAD had
> an accident!  Crime didn't pay again!!
>
> And so, there I was, back home, happily living with my parents, and going
> to college like a big kid!!  Until we showed up for court!  There were
> still pending assault charges for my father, and I was a witness!  That
> courtroom was *packed* and Ray only found out I was there when my name was
> called and I answered!  And when I went out for a smoke break, he came
> too.  He offered to drop the changes on my father since I was home and
> things were settled.  My father tried to refuse the offer (such a
> dumbass!), but his lawyer convinced him that he *was* guilty and that
> refusing was a stupid idea, and so we all went our separate ways and that
> was that.
>
> Except of course, it wasn't.  I started talking to Ray again and we started
> seeing each other again.  Ugh!  For my English class in college, I had to
> keep a journal, and evidently I journaled about Ray.  And evidently,
> somehow, my mother found that journal and read it!  Ack!
>
> She confronted me, and I decided that I'd just leave before my father even
> got home!
>
> My very best friend my senior year of high school was Carmen Brosius.  We
> went to the prom together and I hung at her house a LOT!  She was in love
> with the guy who managed the theatre in the mall and we saw 'Star Wars'
> when it came out!, and that manager dated her little sister when they broke
> up!  Tommy!  That was his name!  Anyway, after high school Carmen had
> joined the Marine Corps.  I'd thought 'bully for her!', but it wasn't
> something that I'd ever do!
>
> But I went to visit her and stayed for a week,  And became a college drop
> out.  She was stationed in Jacksonville, just a couple of hours away, but
> when I came home, I had no idea where to go or what to do!!  I stayed in my
> car for a night.
>
> I kept saying 'sorry' but then I kept doing the same stupid things and I
> realized that I needed to do something *really* different and in a new
> direction!  So I went down to the recruiter's office and asked to sign up.
> And they were only too happy to have me!  Problem was, I couldn't ship out
> for a month.  I remember clearly hearing my father say, "I don't want you
> here but your mother does and I have to live with the bitch, so...".  It
> was meant as a term of endearment I think.  But I stayed at home for that
> month and then went to Parris Island and boot camp.
>
> I'd still been talking to Ray, but I hadn't hidden it anymore.  On the
> airplane, sitting in the back, smoking, I'd readied an envelope for him
> that I ended up mailing a self-addressed, stamped envelope in, to him, so
> he could know where to write me back!  We were in love, after all!!
>
> Boot camp was different, and intimidating and I remember being miserable.
> For about the first week or two.  And then I settled in and paid attention
> and became the apt student that I was in my bones!  I learned all the
> propaganda about how fabulous the Marine Corps was in the history of the
> USA, and how we were the best of the best!  I learned how to march, and
> they taught us how to "be ladies" by holding our cigarettes close to our
> bodies, and rolling them out - not smooshing them!!  We had classes on
> wearing make-up and etiquette and it should be noted that when *I* joined,
> our motto was, "Free a man to fight" - and I was okay with that!!  We
> didn't march with weapons and we certainly did shoot the darned things!
> (Just a note - things were VERY different when I went back as a Drill
> Instructor ten years later!!)
>
> Boot camp was about three months long, and I was well into the second month
> before I ever saw my envelope return to me at mail call.  But I had gotten
> smarter!  I was there and preoccupied with surviving and all, and I
> realized that I didn't pine for him - or even need the bastard!  All by
> myself, I figured out what a loser he was!  And pretty much, that was the
> end of that.
>
> Side Note:  I have often advised people, based on such important life
> lessons, NOT to worry their children, especially their daughters, about
> friends in their lives.  A guy I knew asked for help and we went to lunch
> and I told him, 'let her be and she'll figure it out'!  I spent so so much
> time defending Ray to my parents that it didn't allow me to see for myself
> that he wasn't worthy of my time!  This guy ended up doing just that he the
> daughter dumped the guy, but it turns out my friend actually started to
> like the guy, and they had a friendship separate from her!  Crazy.
>
> Ray Jones was the reason I joined the Corps.  Mostly.  I have no idea what
> ever happened to him, if he and Debbie Jean ever got back together or not!
> But I had a fabulous life without him!
>
> After my first enlistment I decided to stay and go to Japan, but by the end
> of the next, I was thinking of getting out.  And then I met my kids' father
> and stayed in and then I had to stay for twenty fercryingoutloud, and
> before I knew it I was retiring with super amazing medical insurance!!  And
> because of my Marine Corps experience I sort of tripped into employment at
> the base here, and now it's been another twenty-some years, and I've really
> been fortunate!
>
> Funny.  Carmen and I stayed in touch after I joined, but eventually lost
> touch and I always wondered...  Several years ago, through the efforts of
> somebody organizing a class reunion, I got an address for her and wrote a
> letter.  And she called!  We talked for over an hour and she brought me up
> to date on how her life turned out.  She'd gotten out of the Corps and had
> been with the same guy since.  She didn't know if she'd be able to come to
> the reunion because they were saving money to get this guy new teeth.  He
> wore the pants in that family, and while he had a Facebook account, he
> wouldn't let her have one.  Turns out we no longer had anything in common
> and that was the end of that!
>
> These people... here for a season and so important and integral to our
> lives, and then they're gone and their space in our lives is filled up with
> something or somebody else and it's like they never existed.
>
> Pam
>
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