TheBanyanTree: Stop the presses

[TLW]

I have this fun theory that ranunculuses are roses designed by men. God
said to a group of men and a group of women: Here's lots of petals, all
different colors, Do what you will with them. Make them interesting and
nice in a vase.

So men worked very earnestly to swirl as many petals around a core as
possible and made a wild gangly stem to add interest in the vase (added by
a gay man, most likely). They made them hard to grow, because isn't
everything beautiful hard to grow? This is how they came up with
ranunculuses, a delightful and whimsical flower that is a favorite of many.
Deservedly so.

Women spread out all the petals before them and chose the ones with a
ruffle on the end. They didn't use as many as the men did for every flower.
For the vase-ready criteria, they devised straight strong stems. Then they
stepped back and one little girl said, "Can we make them smell?" All agreed
this was a piquant idea, so they added fragrance. And then one wise old
crone with much life experience said, "It's too boring, so classic and
pretty. Imma put some thorns on the stem, to make them more interesting.
Just for the poets."  So she did and others were doubtful, but the thorns
were so easy to see, they decided they were fair game. More suggestions
came, a sticky substance, a shorter bloom time, a tendency to mold. These
were bandied about for a good long while. They finally became susceptible
to aphids, and all were content to stop there.

Men get the job done. Women are just more complicated.

Sidda