TheBanyanTree: [UpperBranches] When it rains it pours…
LaLinda
twigllet at gmail.com
Mon Oct 23 15:47:03 PDT 2023
Julie, you have been a great parent: LOOK AT WHO YOUR SONS ARE. That's how
I look at it. They have to live their lives
themselvesDamnKidsDon'tListenToUsAnyway,DontchaKnow.
Our kids have grown up to be people who are kind and respectful of others.
I'm impressed with how lovingly Seth and his partner, sorry, I've
forgotten, already, but how together they were during the pregnancy and
loss....their focus was on them, their relationship, the future.
People with consciences. People who think, weigh and measure.
I have a nephew, Robin's son, who is unable to do this. I won't tell you
the story, it's just tragedy after tragedy. Her daughter, as well,although
she was happily married, for, like a year, before she had emergency surgery
for extensive disease, endometriosis. So, now that they can't have
children. The marriage is on the rocks, and pardon me, but there is a
helluva lot more to marriage than giving birth.
The thing I've noticed is that "kids," have to learn how to make decisions,
in line with their values. Some people, like Robin's kids, had the benefit
of her absolute, sacrificial love. No time for discussion of values, it was
about surviving their psychotic father, who locked them, as toddlers, in
the basement and turned the lights off. MONSTER. My kid's father has
completely forgotten who they are, and I wish I were kidding. I know their
pain...if not right in front of Dad's eyes, forget it. He has even said, in
front of them, that his stepson, is "the son he never had." Well, I guess
this is part of how things played out and he was ordered to leave. Okay,
he's, he is an arse, but is also legitimately mentally ill. ::shrug:: They
get love and support from Kevin and me. Kevin's one kid ought to find out
how awesome his father is, but he cannot act like or speak like an adult,
he is acting out his 11 year old self. Forever. He mentioned, say, 8-9-10
years ago, that he has never felt like an adult. That's because he is
still, emotionally, a child under his sick mother's thumb. And a
narcissist. My kids' dad is also a narcissist. So was my stepdad and
stepmother. Likely, my father, as well...My point is, even if there are
poor examples, most of them got what they needed, and, prayerfully, they
grow, the ones who felt loved, but haven't figured it out, yet. Robin's
kids are heartbreakingly needy, and, quite frankly, they scare the crud out
of me. They both want to bond with me, and...they are so UnWithIt, they are
doing very poorly at navigating their lives and the world in general.
Good job, Jules!
On Mon, Oct 23, 2023 at 9:54 AM Teague, Julie Anna via TheBanyanTree <
thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com> wrote:
> Aw, thanks, Tobie, for the kind words. I didn’t have abusive parents or
> anything like that (just very young parents who sometimes didn’t have a
> clue), but my grandparents were the most influential people in my life.
> Spending time with my mom’s mom and dad, my grandma and grandpa Taylor, set
> me up for being the kind of person I wanted to be. So, yes, maybe if a
> little bit of me rubs off on my grandkids, my grandparents’ wisdom can flow
> through to another generation. As far as being a great parent? I dunno. I
> had my moments, but sheesh, that was a hard job and for most of my sons’
> lives, I was the only one raising them. They are in their thirties and I’m
> still tired. So far, other than the energy level required, being a grandma
> is much easier.
>
> Julie
>
>
>
> > On Oct 22, 2023, at 1:51 PM, tobie--- via TheBanyanTree <
> thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com> wrote:
> >
> > Congratulations Julie!!
> >
> > People always say that being a grandparent is so different from being
> a parent because if things go wrong: excessive crying, excessive excrement,
> tantrums (that are all excessive) scuffles with siblings, etc, you can just
> hand them back to their parents (your dear offspring) and say, "That’s it
> for me, today, sweetheart" (give or take a "sweetheart"). What I don’t hear
> a lot about is that as a grandparent you don’t have to agonize that your
> parenting is life alteringly flawed and it’s all your fault that….. or
> conversely "how could you do this to me!" None of that. And may I say in
> advance for you, "PHEW!"
> >
> > My grandparents saved my life and my soul many times over. I’ve been
> around watching you raise your boys (at a distance albeit) so I know the
> parenting was stellar and loving. Therefore, you probably won’t have to
> save anyone’s life or soul. But if you do, you’re good for it since you
> have plenty of life and soul to spare.
> >
> > Love more,
> >
> > Tobie
> >
> >> On Oct 21, 2023, at 9:45 PM, Indiglow via TheBanyanTree <
> thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com> wrote:
> >>
> >> Grandbabies are almost always good news! Congratulations!
> >>
> >> On Saturday, October 21, 2023 at 04:59:21 PM PDT, LaLinda via
> TheBanyanTree <thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com> wrote:
> >>
> >> Well, *I* am excited! I love babies! They make me forget about stressful
> >> things.
> >>
> >>> On Fri, Oct 20, 2023 at 6:53 PM Teague, Julie Anna via UpperBranches <
> >>> upperbranches at lists.remsset.com> wrote:
> >>>
> >>> Andy and Liz and Milo stopped by tonight. It took me a good twenty
> minutes
> >>> to realize that Milo had a shirt on that said “best brother”!!!!!!
> Yup, due
> >>> in May. Andy hasn’t told seth his news, and seth hasn’t told Andy HIS
> news,
> >>> and I am not supposed to say anything to either of them! It’s KILLING
> me! I
> >>> told Andy—tell your brother! And I told seth—tell your brother! I’m
> not
> >>> good keeping all of these secrets from my boys! And, yikes, I’m going
> to
> >>> have TWO new grand babies next Spring!
> >>>
> >>> Julie
> >>> --
> >>>
> __________________________________________________________________________
> >>>
> >>> We are no mere writer's support group; we are supporters who write.
> -- MB
> >>>
> >>>
> >>
> >> --
> >>
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> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Tobie Helene Shapiro
> > tobie at shpilchas.net <mailto:tobie at shpilchas.net>
> >
> >
> >
> >
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v^\/ ^-,-^ ^,-v^
^v '-^ ^-, ^v
v^v^ v^ v^ v ^v^
{ { \ \// } }
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