TheBanyanTree: The Division of Department of Departments, Part the 2nd

Wed Jul 17 11:02:29 PDT 2019

Julie?

	From what I know of you ———— you don’t blend.

		Too smart
		Too funny
		Not flat enough
		Good taste
		Too aware
		Too honest

	So get that idea out of your head.  Besides, spying is high risk, low pay (considering), and the people you hang out with are unsavory.  Nothing in common with you.  Keep your day job.

Love,

Tobie

> On Jul 15, 2019, at 3:14 PM, Teague, Julie Anna <jateague at indiana.edu> wrote:
> 
> I guess it depends  upon  whether you want to stand  out or blend in.   If I wanted  to blend in,  I  couldn't make up anything better than middle-aged, white, female computer  programmer from Indiana.  It just sounds too  perfectly boring, right?  Someone exactly like  me would make the perfect international spy, able to travel anywhere  in the world inconspicuously.   Fortunately I send fifty-odd bucks to the city of Bloomington Utilities every month, which makes me totally legit, because an international spy wouldn't  shell  out that  kind of money to falsify an  identity.  Heh  heh. 
> 
> Julie
> 
> 
> ________________________________________
> From: TheBanyanTree <thebanyantree-bounces at lists.remsset.com> on behalf of Monique Colver <monique.colver at gmail.com>
> Sent: Monday, July 15, 2019 2:35 PM
> To: Banyan Tree
> Subject: Re: TheBanyanTree: The Division of Department of Departments, Part the 2nd
> 
> Fine idea, but they don't trust us to tell them the truth. There's no
> telling what sort of crazy stories we'd come up with, especially since we
> have more creativity than they do.
> 
> Monique
> 
> On Mon, Jul 15, 2019, 11:27 AM <tobie at shpilchas.net> wrote:
> 
>> Annnnnnnnnnd it’s MONDAY!  July 15st, 2019
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> The rest of it follows.  We are talking about the Department of Motor
>> Vehicles, are we not?  Welll.   We are kind of talking about them and sort
>> of talking about the state of the state in general.
>> 
>> Dear lot of splendid persons out there,
>> 
>> 
>> 
>>        At the DMV it is expected that there is much waiting.  As I
>> explained, you even wait to make an appointment (and in the global sense,
>> you wait years for the system to kick into place).  I came equipped with
>> reams of proof that I am indeed who I say I am.  The documents are required
>> to apply for the latest incursion into each citizen’s privacy  —  the,
>> "REAL ID".  I alluded to it before from this very perch.  All I’ve got now
>> is a fake ID, half the punch necessary to get on a plane and go someplace
>> else.  No.  From now on, or from some date in 2020 on, you will need REAL
>> ID to hightail it out of here.  I just cannot believe that there is no
>> shady underhanded purpose for all this, if only that it’s one suspicious
>> step on the way to branding us all with a red hot iron when first we squirt
>> out the hatch.  They brand cattle, horses (not chickens — yet).  Will each
>> state have its special branding iron? There will be a state-wide contest to
>> come up with the design.  Get the citizenry involved so they feel like a
>> part(y) to it.  The Bar Code Ranch of California.  Best to have happy
>> participation  —  kind of like having Billy pick out the switch his
>> daddy'll whip him with.
>> 
>>        To earn my REALLY TRULY FOR SURE ID, I had to bring a certified,
>> "original," birth certificate, my social security card (burned up in the
>> fire of ’91; finally had to get a new one) and physical evidence of
>> correspondence from any of a number of institutions bearing my name and
>> address:  a bill from a utility company would do (but I don’t pay those
>> bills, my mother, the matriarch, owns the house and pays them).  But
>> statements from an insurance company or a financial institution would
>> suffice.  I came with copious documentation: Statements from the ugly life
>> sucking brokerage where my nominal savings are saved, one of the countless
>> letters from Safeco Insurance Company, the extortionists whom I pay to
>> insure the personal property I have in storage because it would clash with
>> the mid-century Danish Modern, and random pre-clashing shlock furnishings
>> in this, the family manse  —  oh, and it wouldn’t fit.  Safeco, the
>> aforementioned insurance company also purports to insure my automobile as
>> part of a bundled insurance plan my long time insurance broker/consumer
>> advocate found (ever since after the 1991 fire when Transamerica turned out
>> to be a consumer predator  — the standard lie cheat and steal bundle). The
>> idea, according to my guy who protects me, was that it would save me a
>> fistful of hundred dollars a year in insurance premiums to bundle the
>> property and the auto.  Safeco has proven to be an incompetent
>> anxiety-attack sized pain in the tuchas because their computerized
>> client/company/parasite/host interface somehow managed to do a double take
>> and had me signed up for two separate policies for insuring my same single
>> Honda Odyssey.  Since signing on, I’ve received triplicate e-mails  (I
>> typed, "emauls," by mistake, but maybe it’s more appropriate) demanding I
>> send them the signed and dated form exempting my 99 year old mother from
>> the policy as a "NON-driver".  Of course, the form had been signed and
>> dated many times over, mailed to them, scanned and emailed to them, twice
>> (or was it thrice?). Yet just when I thought the NON-driver tape loop
>> fiasco had been put to rest, I’d get another letter or email reminding me
>> that they require that signed and dated form, OR ELSE, directing me to go
>> online to their Safeco site, log in and sign the form exempting my mother,
>> electronically.  This proved to be problematic, as to log in I had to
>> verify a passel of biographical facts, but not so fast! They insisted my
>> birthday was not my birthday. I’d enter my birthdate, and little red
>> scolding admonishments would pop up catching me in my error.  I couldn’t
>> log in to exempt my mother and kept getting triplicate emails warning me
>> that my policy would be cancelled if — .  This has been a simplified
>> narrative describing one of the honored institutions my government would
>> accept as a legitimate entity whose correspondence with me could be used as
>> proof that I am who I say I am ands live where I say I live — not some
>> poseur who’s stolen my name and biographical data for nefarious purpose,
>> perhaps so this master mind could stage a coup, edge me out and make my
>> mother’s lunch.  And you can be sure this fiend with a birthdate at odds
>> with mine would take advantage of the position and have Mom driving the
>> car!  But the DMV didn't like the financial institution statements (too
>> long) or Safeco (it was in an envelope hence too much effort).  What they
>> did accept was the  monthly statement from the credit union where a few
>> hundred old bucks languishes in an all but legally inactive account
>> originally set up so the ex could be forced to pay his monthly support on
>> time.  But he retired just as I set up the account and that terminated his
>> monthly obligation.  It has lain fallow.  Incidentally, my REALLY REALLY
>> HONEST, GUYS, ID will, or is supposed to, arrive in the mail in three to
>> six weeks.  Yet my true identity persists through all this, unchanged.
>> 
>>        They could just have asked me who I am.  I would have told them.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> "Heal your enemy."     Meyshe Shapiro-Nygren, 2010
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Tobie Shapiro
>> mailto:tobie at shpilchas.net <mailto:tobie at shpilchas.net>
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Want to change your name, email address, or password? Or have you
>> forgotten your password? Go here:
>> http://lists.remsset.com/listinfo.cgi/thebanyantree-remsset.com
> 
> 
> Want to change your name, email address, or password? Or have you forgotten your password? Go here: http://lists.remsset.com/listinfo.cgi/thebanyantree-remsset.com
> 
> 
> Want to change your name, email address, or password? Or have you forgotten your password? Go here: http://lists.remsset.com/listinfo.cgi/thebanyantree-remsset.com

"Haste makes waste."   Old proverb

"He who hesitates is lost."    Old proverb

"Look before you leap."  Old proverb

"Man plans: and God laughs.  "Old Yiddish Proverb

Tobie Helene Shapiro
mailto:tobie at shpilchas.net <mailto:tobie at shpilchas.net>