TheBanyanTree: The Divisioin of Department of departments

[Monique Colver]

I am not old. I have merely been beset by a curse that was laid on me by an
old lady who thought she had the right of way, but she did not. She claims
I cut her off, but that is a horrible misrepresentation of what really
happened. None the less, she cursed me, and I have been beset by things she
thought would have driven me to despair, but I'm still the stronger witch,
so I persevere.


On Sun, Jul 14, 2019, 4:02 PM Teague, Julie Anna <jateague at indiana.edu>
wrote:

> You just blew my mind. We’ve been together here for a good long time, but
> I keep thinking we’re a bunch of 30 and 40 somethings.  And yes, what is
> with the trick questions?
>
> Julie (I keep forgetting I’m old now.)
>
> Sent from my iPhone
>
> > On Jul 14, 2019, at 4:27 PM, "tobie at shpilchas.net" <tobie at shpilchas.net>
> wrote:
> >
> > Sunday, July 14th, 2019
> >
> >
> > Do not get in your little cars and go for a drive,
> >
> >    My driver’s license was due for renewal come my birthday this year.
> But as opposed to the last 20 years, this year, since I’ve evolved past the
> demarkation that classifies me officially as decrepit and cognitively
> crispy, the California Department of Motor Vehicles required that I take
> the written test for renewal.  Clearly ageist, but maybe only statistical
> data on the demographic, however selective.   Still, it’s the 16 to 19 year
> olds who need the scrutiny and, well, chaperones.  But they’re definitely
> cuter.  Cute matters, you know.  Do you see the Hungerford’s Crawling Water
> Beetle getting much attention on the endangered species list?
> >
> >    Okay. That was gratuitous.  What I came to tell you was about my very
> personal trip to the DMV to take (and pass) the written driver’s test.  You
> know those kinds of tests, no matter what country you live in.  They’re
> written by the same people who write the high school obedience proficiency
> exams ( a nod to your history, P. Macinnis).  There is always a trick
> question or two designed to humble you. They are there for no other
> apparent reason, certainly not to demonstrate your comprehension of vital
> information.  Studying for this test, I figured there may have been some
> changes since I last took it.   I stole some time away from home, meaning I
> had to make sure someone was here to be with my mom so I could leave the
> house (Oh Lord! is that a long story) and toodled by the DMV to get the
> California 2019 Drivers Handbook.  I read the damn thing cover to cover and
> then took every online test available in preparation.  I don’t like to get
> less than 100%. It’s an illness.
> >
> >    There were no appointments available at my local office.  You can
> make appointments online.  It’s a primitive system compared to others in
> the private sector and it’s obvious why.  We live in a democracy  —  at
> least we live in one when an excuse is needed for sloth.  The cutting edge
> appointment making programs are designed for a smaller demographic  —
> smaller than a hundred fifty million anyway.  So when the government
> finally got both houses of Congress to hammer out an official intent to go
> electronic and lobbed it up to the President to sign, the cutting edge had
> gotten rather dull, and the whole idea had to to be revised to reflect
> compatibility issues with the 21st century technological milieu.  The bill
> went back to go through the rewrite and approval gamut.  This delayed the
> proposed online appointment system for another few years.  But all things
> come to those who wait (this is where the concept of, "unto the 7th
> generation," comes in handy. Somewhere down the dynastic line, that thing
> that finally comes to those who wait arrives to a surprised, or
> disinterested, or illegitimate descendant.)  Let’s just cut to the
> far-from-cutting-edge chase, and say government approval has been secured
> for installing a country wide online appointment scheduling system.  Did I
> discuss the requisite appropriation of funding?  Well, simply put, there
> are a few more than too many bureaus in the federal government that will be
> needing this new system installed, and each of them will have to have this
> system redesigned or tweaked or surgically altered to their individual
> idiosyncratic specifications.  You understand that stuff like this takes
> time.  Each of these bureau specific scheduling systems, the Feds decide,
> must go through their own department channels to procure funding.  But
> there is an across the board awareness that the high tech advancement clock
> is ticking and the scheduling systems are going to have to keep up to be
> compatible with an ever changing world.  At this point in the process, the
> only reliable constant still remaining is that there is still a war in
> Afghanistan and Iraq and a few other places we’re not supposed to know
> about.  The mandate to go electronic is handed down from the federal
> government to the states so the states have been going through their own
> individual processes of proposals, vetting approvals, revisions, vetting,
> rejections, revisions, approvals and bids from tech vendors, more proposals
> and wrestling for approval, all with the understanding that the federal
> government must be dealt with, meaning haggling, negotiating, complying,
> and of course, waiting.  You understand that stuff like this takes more
> time. Do all things come to those who wait?  This would be a good time to
> revisit the validity of the aphorism.
> >
> >    After having made my appointment with the DMV to take the written
> test and apply for a, "REAL ID," (rendering all other IDs fake), I see
> where a dictatorship has its advantages.  There definitely is a trade-off,
> however. With a dictatorship we don’t have much choice about who it is that
> will be fucking us over and it wouldn’t be only for four years at a time.
> Plus, since a dictatorship obviates the need and function of all the
> representation business, eliminates the slow grinding years of the houses
> of Congress, the courts slogging through the proper protocol and
> appropriate channels procedural crap, there would be a lot of people out of
> jobs and what would we all do with the extra time?  Actually, not as much
> of a problem as you might at first think.  The dictator in chief would tell
> us what to do with the time and what not do with the time.  And I guess a
> lot of that extra time would go to the, "run and hide," protocol.
> >
> >    So I made my appointment with the DMV online.  The deadline was my
> birthday (coming right up, folks) and I went online in April.  That’s
> roughly four months in advance.  I know, excessive early bird behavior, but
> I thought it a good idea at the time.  The earliest appointments available
> for the branch office closest to me were after my birthday.  I had to hunt
> around for an available appointment that would happen before my driver’s
> license expired. That is what brought me to El Cerrito at 3:00 pm on the
> 11th, only one and a quarter business days before my birthday.  So I have
> dived into the belly of the monster and without having been digested, I
> accomplished my task and escaped to tell the tale.
> >
> > There’s more.  But you’re tired.  I’ll give you time to read (or not
> read; it will take time not to read) all that.  Then I’l slap the rest on
> you.
> >
> >
> > Sunday, and Mom is organizing her pills for the next week. She is 99
> now. Tomorrow I’ll be 72. WTF!
> >
> >
> > Love,
> >
> > Tobie
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
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> >
> >
> > Variety is the spice of life.  Lack of variety is the spouse of life.
>  THS
> >
> >
> > Tobie Shapiro
> > mailto:tobie at shpilchas.net <mailto:tobie at shpilchas.net>
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
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>
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