TheBanyanTree: Breaking News about double threat

[tobie at shpilchas.net]

June 2, 2018    It’s Saturday!


Dear Relatively Silent Folks,

	I was looking myself up on the internet.  Not really a narcissistic romp — I’m just curious as to what I might be up to these days.  I was directed to the Banyan Tree of course.  We go way back.  It inspired me to send you all something — you know, a word, a few words, maybe whole sentences.  Something funny.  No. Not just something funny.  Something DEEPLY funny.  Then I remembered something I’d come across some time ago and went searching to re-find it.  I found it.  So I’d like to share it with you.  Not sure whether The Banyan Tree will accept photographs, so I’m not including it.  Suffice it to say that it’s an over the shoulder picture of a young bearded man about to eat what looks like a sloppy hamburger. There are fries piled up in a red bowl in the background.  And then there’s the story.  The bold face headline is mine.


EMERGENCY!!! EMERGENCY!!!  BREAKING NEWS!!!

	You can find this on the internet!!!  It appeared when I entered "Sleep Deprivation" into Google’s search engine (unless "Google" now is synonymous with "search engine" and that phrase was redundant).

'Study' claims fast food consumption and sleep deprivation cause homosexuality <https://www.queerty.com/study-claims-fast-food-consumption-sleep-depravation-cause-homosexuality-20170530>

	Well well well     OR, as Matthew McConahoweverit’sspelled says, "Allrightallrightallright".    And may Matthew RESIDE in his Lincoln freebee-for-advertising-with-us car and drive it forever in his pappy’s 5,000,000 square mile ranch in Texas.
	SO, what I glean from this internet warning is that fast food, alone, will not do it.  Sleep deprivation, alone, will not do it (depending upon what you’re doing while you’re not sleeping).  But THE TWO TOGETHER!!! …….  WATCH OUT FRISCO!!!! HERE I COME!   (with my sloppy Joe chicken Mc Nugga bell taco finger lickin’fried donut magic sauce on a sesame whole cow burger king triple decker deep fried fat balls in a lard pocket to go)    And one must ask oneself this:  The guy in the photo?  Did they TELL him what would happen after he posed for this thing when he hadn’t had enough sleep the night before?  He walked in a MAN and swished out wearing lavender chaps,  his bare butt hanging out the back, whip in hand, totally ripped and waxed and LOOKIN’ FOR AXSHUN and he didn’t even know why.   What can you tell a guy like that?  GET SOME SLEEP!!!  Because one factor alone will not do it.  It’s the combo special that turns our red blooded boys into limp wristed mincing ballerinos who don’t know which bathroom they can use.  It’s a crying shame what sleep deprivation AND fast food will do to you.          Also:  I like the way that in the little tease blurb there are quotes around the word, "study".  It says it all.  What sort of study do you think that might have been?  Who was the control group?  Where did the 'scientists' give them to not sleep?  And for how long?  And just what kind of fast food are we talking about here, and just how fast is *that*?  For what corporate entity were these studies done?  Certainly not Mac Donald’s, Taco Bell, Burger King or Olive Garden (semi fast semi food).  Not the airlines for sure!  That’s where you get both: the fast food AND the sleep deprivation (no need to sponsor a "study").  Oh wait, the airlines don’t feed you anything anymore do they?  How much faster can you get than that?


	The site that posted this piece of fast untruth was taking it seriously and felt it should warn the public.  How would they explain, according to their stereotype, that after the fast food/no sleep conversion therapy the newly gay fellow suddenly doesn’t want anything to do with fast food?  No.  He eats at upscale reservation-only restaurants where the flowers that garnish the salad are trés edible and restaurant critics disguise themselves at the tables scarfing Burgundy black truffle infused honey drizzled over charcuterie, then writing scathing reviews about its overstatement. Yeah! Explain that!  Thankfully, no conspiracy theory was insinuated and we don’t have to fear the assembly kitchens at fast food outlets being staffed by homosexuals who are desperately needing to enlist our innocent youth to satisfy their carnal needs (also to keep the population at critical mass).

	There is ample proof here, depending on what you require for proof.  Observe: My son, Meyshe, has never eaten fast food.  He is straight.  On the other hand, he is autistic, so maybe some research needs to be done by the vaccination people looking for another outlet.

	And I think you’ve had enough of me.

Love,

Tobie








A tease:
"Where are you headed to after this, Mr. Zeno?"

And a phony:
"Can I help?"

THS 2017



Tobie Helene Shapiro
mailto:tobie at shpilchas.net <mailto:tobie at shpilchas.net>