TheBanyanTree: Thursday

[Monique Colver]

Thursday I went to see a client. She's not a regular client - I used to
help her with her annual reports to the court, and now she's a guardian ad
litem and does her own paperwork. Which is fine with me --- I find court
paperwork numblingly annoying. But she asked me to do her taxes this year,
and since I can't resist nice people . . .

I got to the gate to her development, and realized I didn't have cell
coverage, and without cell coverage, I couldn't retrieve the gate code, so
I had to leave and reverse my path until I found it again. Then I got back
to the gate and had the code but still couldn't get it to open. Then I
realized I needed to push REALLY HARD and my fingers aren't very
cooperative. Then some guy walking his dog came by and he put his code in
for me.

The gate security thing is prone to the occasional bad guy getting in with
the cooperation of residents. Though I'm not usually the bad guy.

First my client friend asked if I was okay, because I was already
exhausted. Then we went upstairs to her office and sat around and talked
for a couple of hours. I really miss that -- sitting around with another
woman and just talking.
Well, there's my cousin, but I like getting a wide variety of viewpoints.

She's a year older than me, but I wouldn't have guessed it - she always
looks great. At one point she said, "You look good," but I'm not sure if it
was in a "You poor thing, what has happened to you" sort of way. I suspect
so.

And the shaking hands were obvious.

I've been waking up with shaking, with my left hand being worse, with my
entire body joining in, just for fun.. The other day my left hand was so
bad that I just kept putting it underneath my pillow and going back to
sleep. I wake up shaking and cold, probably because I keep a fan running,
because until morning I'm hot and need a fan.

I need to make a doctor appt soon.

I was reading about autism the other day, how someone couldn't look at
other people, how it was such an effort to act normal when they don't
understand social cues and have no idea how to read other people. And damn,
that part was me all over. Really? People can look at other people and get
an idea of what's going on?

With people, except Andrew, I'm always trying to be normal. I have only the
words they say to go by, mostly. I can't tell if people are happy with me
or not.

Maybe that's new, but it also seems like something I've had forever. Maybe
it's just normal face blindness. I can see someone  and then the next day
be expected to recognize them, and I won't. Sometimes I'm surprised at what
a difference there is between what I thought they looked like and what they
do look like. I have to see someone multiple times to remember. I know all
of you -- because I've seen you so much.

Now I'm just rambling. Gotta get work done, I've been promised a lunch and
some shopping, because I keep complaining that I need new stuff.