TheBanyanTree: Bouncing Back

[Gail Richards]

What the heck, Neekie?!?!  I could wish you hadn't put THAT visual in my 
head!!!  Just picture it!!!!!!!  Your head so big that your ears bend back 
on the door frame!!!   YMMV humor-wise

-----Original Message----- 
From: Monique Colver
Sent: Wednesday, June 04, 2014 9:41 AM
To: A comfortable place to meet other people and exchange your own 
*original*writings.
Subject: Re: TheBanyanTree: Bouncing Back

Hah! You better be careful -- all of that may go straight to my head and
it'll swell up and I won't be able to get through doorways.

xoxo


*We appreciate your referrals!*

Monique Colver
Colver Business Solutions
www.colverbusinesssolutions.com
monique.colver at gmail.com
(425) 772-6218


On Wed, Jun 4, 2014 at 9:39 AM, auntiesash <auntiesash at gmail.com> wrote:

> I think the person who's had enough of it is you.  As in way over the 
> whole
> thing and ready to move ON.
>
> Since that option hasn't kicked in yet, you are right.  It helps.  You.
>  Other sufferers.  Non sufferers who really do care and want to help and
> your words give context.
>
> It's also a good reminder that, if someone smart, fabulous, witty, sexy, &
> articulate like you can have all those thoughts and doubts, well maybe my
> brain is lying to me too.  Maybe I don't suck scummy pondwater.  Maybe.
>
> xo
> sash
>
>
> On Wed, Jun 4, 2014 at 9:33 AM, Monique Colver <monique.colver at gmail.com>
> wrote:
>
> > I probably shouldn't bother people with it, I'm sure there are people
> > who've had enough of it. But it helps me, and I know it helps other
> people,
> > or so they tell me, so I keep doing it. Anyway, some people will always
> be
> > bothered.
> >
> >
> > *We appreciate your referrals!*
> >
> > Monique Colver
> > Colver Business Solutions
> > www.colverbusinesssolutions.com
> > monique.colver at gmail.com
> > (425) 772-6218
> >
> >
> > On Tue, Jun 3, 2014 at 2:21 PM, Jena Norton <eudora45 at sbcglobal.net>
> > wrote:
> >
> > > I wish I were as brave as you and able to "share" when I'm slipping
> into
> > > the abyss. I usually feel I shouldn't bother people with this. I'm
> going
> > to
> > > try to follow your example. And I'm finding out bouncing back isn't as
> > easy
> > > as it used to be. Could it be more baggage weighing me down? But I'm
> > > working on it, day by day.
> > >
> > > You do inspire me!
> > >
> > > Jena Norton
> > >
> > >
> > > >________________________________
> > > > From: Monique Colver <monique.colver at gmail.com>
> > > >To: Banyan Tree <thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com>
> > > >Sent: Tuesday, June 3, 2014 11:37 AM
> > > >Subject: TheBanyanTree: Bouncing Back
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >Here’s what they don’t tell you about depression: (Okay, there’s many
> > > >things they don’t tell you, because who can tell you everything?)
> > > >
> > > >After a severe depressive episode, bouncing back is not in any way
> > > bouncing
> > > >back, and the damage from being at your lowest is hard to repair. It’s
> > no
> > > >walk in the park. I didn’t wake up one day with the world all bright
> and
> > > >cheery. I lost my confidence while I was gone, laid it down neatly on
> > the
> > > >road and let it get run over. It wasn’t really a road, more a
> > > superhighway.
> > > >Once I put it down there was no getting it back.
> > > >
> > > >This isn’t the kind of thing you can tell people, because unless
> they’ve
> > > >experienced it, they don’t get it. It also doesn’t look good for my
> > > >business.
> > > >
> > > >“Dear Client, I lost all my confidence, just thought you should 
> > > > know.”
> > > >
> > > >No. You can’t tell them. You really can’t tell many people because as
> we
> > > >all know, people like people who are happy and positive, not anxiety
> > > >ridden, not doubtful, not scared. That’s what we’re told, isn’t it?
> But
> > > not
> > > >me, no, I tell everyone, because I am lacking in common sense. That,
> > and I
> > > >take the shreds of feedback I get and try to piece them into a whole.
> > And
> > > >yes, we all know it has to come from within, but we can’t negate the
> > > >outside feedback. It’s so important, at least for me, because I’m 
> > > >more
> > > than
> > > >my experience. (Luckily for me.)
> > > >
> > > >So there I am – at my lowest, my confidence trying to make a 
> > > >comeback,
> > > >trying not to scare off all my clients because I need the work, and
> > trying
> > > >not to rely on the anti-anxiety meds because I so want to be able to
> > deal
> > > >with this on my own.
> > > >
> > > >Anti-depressants are enough, I think. The anxiety is because I lost 
> > > >my
> > > >confidence and need to get it back, and no amount of meds will make 
> > > >up
> > for
> > > >that. I have to do that on my own.
> > > >
> > > >You can ask me: all my peers are smarter, more accomplished, better 
> > > >at
> > > >everything. I’ll tell you the truth. Some of my peers are my very 
> > > >good
> > > >friends, so I should know. My friends are awesome. I’m not even sure
> how
> > > >someone like me ends up with such awesome friends.
> > > >
> > > >If you would ask me, I would tell you that from this vantage point,
> > > >everyone has their shit together, except me, but I’m only seeing a
> > narrow
> > > >view, a small sliver of life. The depression has taken away my sight,
> > the
> > > >ability to see beyond my own basic needs. It sucks, pretty much, to 
> > > >be
> > in
> > > >this place.
> > > >
> > > >Every day is a fight to come back to the land of the living, and 
> > > >every
> > day
> > > >is progress, but it’s still hard. It’s an uphill climb, but every now
> > and
> > > >then I see bright flashes of light, or muted rays of light through 
> > > >the
> > > >darkness. I still have awesome people around me, and the ones who
> don’t
> > > >want to hear about it weren’t really friends to begin with, were 
> > > >they?
> > > >
> > > >Each day I wake up and tell myself that I too can live a life without
> > > being
> > > >ashamed of who I am.
> > > >
> > > >And each day I come a little closer to believing it.
> > > >
> > > >
> > >
> >
>
>
>
> --
>    We need never be hopeless
>         for we can never be
> Irreparably broken.
> - John Green (Looking for Alaska)
>