TheBanyanTree: Bouncing Back

[auntiesash]

It's hard to know what to say.

world: Still sad?
me: yup.

world: Feeling suicidal?
me: nope.

world: ok then....um.............
me: exactly.

xo
sash



On Wed, Jun 4, 2014 at 1:39 AM, Woofie <woofess at iinet.net.au> wrote:

> I think a lot of us are like you WP and hate talking about stuff to others
> :(
>
> "The one constant in life is absurdity" - Woofie – 30/4/02
> Latest Photos: http://woofess.smugmug.com
> Blogs: http://www.woofess.org/woofblog/
> Photos: http://www.pbase.com/woofess
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: TheBanyanTree [mailto:thebanyantree-bounces at lists.remsset.com] On
> Behalf Of Jena Norton
> Sent: Wednesday, 4 June 2014 5:22 AM
> To: A comfortable place to meet other people and exchange your own
> *original* writings.
> Subject: Re: TheBanyanTree: Bouncing Back
>
> I wish I were as brave as you and able to "share" when I'm slipping into
> the abyss. I usually feel I shouldn't bother people with this. I'm going to
> try to follow your example. And I'm finding out bouncing back isn't as easy
> as it used to be. Could it be more baggage weighing me down? But I'm
> working on it, day by day.
>
> You do inspire me!
>
> Jena Norton
>
>
> >________________________________
> > From: Monique Colver <monique.colver at gmail.com>
> >To: Banyan Tree <thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com>
> >Sent: Tuesday, June 3, 2014 11:37 AM
> >Subject: TheBanyanTree: Bouncing Back
> >
> >
> >Here’s what they don’t tell you about depression: (Okay, there’s many
> >things they don’t tell you, because who can tell you everything?)
> >
> >After a severe depressive episode, bouncing back is not in any way
> >bouncing back, and the damage from being at your lowest is hard to
> >repair. It’s no walk in the park. I didn’t wake up one day with the
> >world all bright and cheery. I lost my confidence while I was gone,
> >laid it down neatly on the road and let it get run over. It wasn’t really
> a road, more a superhighway.
> >Once I put it down there was no getting it back.
> >
> >This isn’t the kind of thing you can tell people, because unless
> >they’ve experienced it, they don’t get it. It also doesn’t look good
> >for my business.
> >
> >“Dear Client, I lost all my confidence, just thought you should know.”
> >
> >No. You can’t tell them. You really can’t tell many people because as
> >we all know, people like people who are happy and positive, not anxiety
> >ridden, not doubtful, not scared. That’s what we’re told, isn’t it? But
> >not me, no, I tell everyone, because I am lacking in common sense.
> >That, and I take the shreds of feedback I get and try to piece them
> >into a whole. And yes, we all know it has to come from within, but we
> >can’t negate the outside feedback. It’s so important, at least for me,
> >because I’m more than my experience. (Luckily for me.)
> >
> >So there I am – at my lowest, my confidence trying to make a comeback,
> >trying not to scare off all my clients because I need the work, and
> >trying not to rely on the anti-anxiety meds because I so want to be
> >able to deal with this on my own.
> >
> >Anti-depressants are enough, I think. The anxiety is because I lost my
> >confidence and need to get it back, and no amount of meds will make up
> >for that. I have to do that on my own.
> >
> >You can ask me: all my peers are smarter, more accomplished, better at
> >everything. I’ll tell you the truth. Some of my peers are my very good
> >friends, so I should know. My friends are awesome. I’m not even sure
> >how someone like me ends up with such awesome friends.
> >
> >If you would ask me, I would tell you that from this vantage point,
> >everyone has their shit together, except me, but I’m only seeing a
> >narrow view, a small sliver of life. The depression has taken away my
> >sight, the ability to see beyond my own basic needs. It sucks, pretty
> >much, to be in this place.
> >
> >Every day is a fight to come back to the land of the living, and every
> >day is progress, but it’s still hard. It’s an uphill climb, but every
> >now and then I see bright flashes of light, or muted rays of light
> >through the darkness. I still have awesome people around me, and the
> >ones who don’t want to hear about it weren’t really friends to begin
> with, were they?
> >
> >Each day I wake up and tell myself that I too can live a life without
> >being ashamed of who I am.
> >
> >And each day I come a little closer to believing it.
> >
> >
>
>
>


-- 
   We need never be hopeless
        for we can never be
Irreparably broken.
- John Green (Looking for Alaska)