TheBanyanTree: Depression Thoughts

[Gloria]

I'm so pleased that you're trying to help others, but more importantly
that you know how to help yourself and actually get it done!  BTW...
great writing!

On 2/15/14, Pam Lawley <pamj.lawley at gmail.com> wrote:
> I have experienced depression and you're right, it sucks!!!
>
> but for whatever reason, I was able to stop taking meds several years ago.
>  Most of the time I have no issues - life is just life.
>
> and I'm grateful for that.
>
> but several months I started taking a (prescribed!) drug and the depression
> started moving in.  And like you just wrote about, I didn't even see it
> coming, didn't it realize what it was for a couple of weeks!  and then I
> KNEW!!!
>
> and now I know why those commercials have warnings.
>
>
> I love you Monique!!
>
>
> On Sat, Feb 15, 2014 at 2:02 PM, Monique Colver
> <monique.colver at gmail.com>wrote:
>
>> You know you're coming out of a major depressive episode (instead of a
>> minor one) when you get up in the morning and instead of wanting to be
>> dead
>> you instead get up, start the laundry, do the dishes, then sit down to do
>> some work.
>>
>> And by you, of course I mean me, because I'm not sure how anyone else
>> feels
>> about it.
>>
>> If you haven't experienced major depression, you don't get it, how life
>> can
>> be such an uphill battle. I have friends who have never experienced this,
>> and I have friends who have, and all of them together help me get better,
>> because they don't need to experience utter despair to know that utter
>> despair sucks.
>>
>> And meds. Every few years my meds will stop working, kablooey, complete
>> and
>> total shut down. I may not notice it at first, the darkness may not show
>> up
>> suddenly. It might creep up on me, bit by bit, so sneakily that I don't
>> even notice that I felt better last week. That happened this time. Could
>> have been coming up with the months of pain I had before surgery, could
>> have been exacerbated by anesthesia, by surgery, by anything at all. No
>> one
>> knows. But it stopped. I thought it was post-surgery effects, maybe
>> painkillers, I didn't know, and then I did, because I didn't want to be
>> alive anymore, and when that happens I'm pretty sure my meds aren't
>> working. I may not be the smartest person I know, but I can figure that
>> much out.
>>
>> Every so often I visit a FB page for people with depression. I look at
>> the
>> posts, and I comment, and I try to be supportive. Many of them are
>> unequipped for the lives they lead, many of them are searching for a way
>> out, and many of them aren't asking themselves the right questions. It's
>> heartbreaking, the young girls who post that their boyfriends abuse them
>> verbally, or physically, and tell them they're worthless, and they hate
>> themselves, and why doesn't anyone love them? Why doesn't anyone care?
>> "I'm
>> ugly," one will say, "No one will ever love me," and the picture is of a
>> perfectly fine looking girl, and so everyone tells them that's not true,
>> that the depression is telling them that. The older man who posts that
>> his
>> wife left him, that everyone leaves him, and so everyone tells him that
>> he
>> just hasn't met the right person yet. The younger people who think
>> they'll
>> never find love because they're not good enough, the people who say no
>> one
>> cares, that their family doesn't care and treats them badly.
>>
>> What I want to tell them is that 1) it's not all about them, 2) if people
>> are abusive, you need to leave, 3) if your family is not supportive, you
>> need to leave, 4) if you have no one who cares about you, try to care
>> about
>> someone else first. I want to tell them that of course it's hard, few
>> things come to us by magic. But I can't say those things because that's
>> not
>> being supportive, is it? I don't know anyone there well enough to be
>> brutally honest with them, which is that yes, sometimes life sucks, and
>> yes, it's hard, and, yes, sometimes family won't care, and friends that
>> treat you badly aren't friends at all (it surprises me how many people do
>> not know this), but that they have to be the one to make changes.
>>
>> Last week someone posted that they needed inpatient care. I asked if
>> they'd
>> been to a doctor yet, and she said no. I said she needed to see a doctor
>> and get a diagnosis first of all. Someone else told her that inpatient
>> would be very helpful because it helped them. After several rounds of
>> this
>> it turned out the original poster didn't have insurance, didn't know what
>> was really wrong with her, but thought she could just commit herself to
>> inpatient care and all her problems would be solved.
>>
>> Like I said, a lot of them are unequipped to deal with life. They lack
>> the
>> knowledge, the education, the means, to move themselves out of their
>> situations. They lack the ability to see past their illness. They lack
>> the
>> ability to see others as perhaps in even more need than they are.
>>
>> Not that a change in situation will make everything all better, but it
>> helps. I'm in the best possible situation, with a family and friends that
>> are there for me, a vast support network of loved ones, a great husband,
>> a
>> cuddly dog, a good place to live, and plenty of work to keep me out of
>> trouble and for which people will happily pay me. No one is ever even
>> mean
>> to me, except the occasional unknown person who comes and goes so quickly
>> it's as if they were never there. Sometimes I find that hard to believe
>> myself: no one is ever mean to me - how awesome is that? There couldn't
>> be
>> any better situation. When I'm well, I know that I have everything. When
>> I'm not well, I still know I have much to be thankful for, but I can't
>> see
>> it clearly, and the pain overwhelms me.
>>
>> I'm getting better now. It's one day at a time, one step at a time.
>> That's
>> how most worthwhile things are accomplished.
>>
>> M
>>
>