TheBanyanTree: A VERY LONG Tale of Woe...

[Monique Colver]

This is so sad. And so . . . well, I don't want to say funny, because I
would be very frustrated.

But it is funny. It's one of those . . . "this will make such a good story
LATER," though at the time . . . not so much.


Monique Colver
Colver Business Solutions
monique at colverbusinesssolutions.com
www.colverbusinesssolutions.com
(425) 772-6218



On Sun, Jul 29, 2012 at 7:46 PM, Pam Lawley <pamj.lawley at gmail.com> wrote:

> I think this story needs to be told.... it may bring entertainment to
> some, and may just be the therapy I need to ward off post traumatic
> stress disorder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (In the interest of total
> fairness, I have replaced the store's real name with "StoreX"... it
> just didn't feel right otherwise.)
>
> So.  (All the best stories start with 'So'...)
>
> My son needed a new mattress.  He told me that a while back and I blew
> him off.  He's had more than his share of new mattresses through the
> years, and I felt like the next one bought should be purchased by him.
>  And then I saw the 'hole' in it.  A big, fat sunken hole - no wonder
> he had trouble sleeping!  I finally consented to buy another.
>
> I *hate* mattress shopping!  To me it is one giant crap shoot - who
> really knows?!?!  I swear it's easier to buy a car!  The most
> expensive mattress is NOT he best - it really just depends on the
> person sleeping on it!  And that's another thing!!  How in the heck do
> you know before you sleep on it?!  Sure, you can go lay on a mattress
> in the store - but laying on one for a few minutes is NOT sleeping on
> it for eight hours!!  A crap shoot I tell you!!!!
>
> I lived through this a couple of years ago when my husband and I
> needed a new mattress.  We checked all kinds and makes and prices in
> loads of stores and we even checked labels on hotel mattresses!
> Finally, I went looking on line and came across a half-price sale at
> StoreX!  Perfect!!  For only half the price, if it totally sucked, I
> wouldn't feel quite so taken!!  I don't remember how we got it, but we
> did and we've loved it.  Turns out I just got incredibly lucky!!
>
> And I thought I'd try the same tactics for my son.  Sort of like a
> 'known crap shoot'!  Ha!
>
> Right off the bat, I told the kid I'd buy him a new mattress, but I
> was NOT going to spend two or three thousand dollars on it - I didn't
> care HOW poorly he slept!!  You should know that my son has something
> of a 'champagne taste' on my beer pocketbook!!  And he talked to his
> dad, who would never consider buying one for him, but who has the
> money for champagne.  A very bad influence!!
>
> We finally compromised on a mattress, and he also chose a new frame -
> he HAD mentioned a long time ago that there was a broken leg on his,
> and in fact, we had duct-taped it together.  No, I can't tell you why
> now.  Things were never so desperate that I couldn't afford a new
> simple metal bed frame and I'm not sure how that happened.  But it
> did, so I told him I'd replace it.
>
> But when I went on line to make the purchases (there are no stores
> local where we live), I couldn't get the damn link to move onto
> purchasing!!!  I closed out the page and tried over and over, and
> finally gave up and called the purchase in.  Four times - FOUR TIMES!!
> - I was asked if I wanted to add anything else to my order, and four
> times I told them 'no thank you!'. Okay, only three times.  The fourth
> time I said something closer to, 'no, like I said the first three
> times!!'.  Geez.
>
> Anyway, I paid a fortune for shipping and delivery, and they told me
> the mattress would be in on Wednesday, July 25th, and bed frame a week
> later on August 1st.  Whatever.
>
> Last Tuesday there was a voice mail on the house phone telling me that
> the mattress would be delivered between 2:30 and 4:30pm.  Since my son
> is usually home that time of day, I figured it wouldn't be a problem
> and I'd let him know.  But I forgot, so a little after 2 I texted him
> - and he texted back that he wasn't at home.  Figures!  Fortunately, I
> work about three minutes from the house, so I told my boss I had to go
> and I did.  I was home at 2:30.
>
> At 4:54 when I called the 1-800 number on the confirmation email, I
> was a little chagrined that I'd taken off from work and the delivery
> wasn't made during the scheduled time frame.  That very nice young
> lady from some foreign country told me, 'Yes Mrs. Lawley, I understand
> your frustration and I will be happy to help you with that.'  She put
> me on hold to check the delivery status, and came back on the line and
> told me they were delivering somewhere else and that I was next.  And
> that they'd call to confirm.  Great!  I was a little pissed that they
> hadn't bothered to let me know earlier (I HATE when companies think
> that their time is more valuable than yours!!!!!!), but again,
> whatever.
>
> So doncha know when I called again at 7 asking about my mattress, I
> was a LOT more ticked!!!  I called the 1-800 number again and another
> nice young lady from some foreign country who told me, 'Yes Mrs.
> Lawley, I understand your frustration and I will be happy to help you
> with that.'   She actually transferred me to the delivery people (she
> said), but I got a nice young lady from some foreign country who told
> me,  'Yes Mrs. Lawley, I understand your frustration and I will be
> happy to help you with that.'  And then she told me that since I had
> missed my appointment, I would have to be rescheduled for Saturday.  I
> told her, oh no, I think not - I was HERE and I am not waiting around
> until Saturday!  Well, she said, they could do Friday.  And so I
> proceeded to tell her - again!! - that I had NOT missed my appointment
> and if I HAD, why hadn't somebody mentioned that at 5 when I called?!
> She had no answer - there was actually empty space because I had asked
> a question that was NOT on her script!  I asked to speak to a
> supervisor and she told me that I could, but the supervisor would tell
> me the same thing.  I told her I didn't care, that I wanted to speak
> to a supervisor.  She put me on hold.  And I stayed on hold until I
> recognized the sounds of NO CONNECTION!!!!!!!  I got hung up on!!
>
> Caveat - I was NOT overly hostile or rude or ugly... I worked hard to
> maintain some sense of decorum talking to these ladies!!  Obviously, I
> failed.
>
> Meanwhile I wrote an email to the person whose name was on the
> confirmation email and told him pretty much all I just wrote here.
> And Thursday morning I got a reply.
>
> “Thank you for contacting StoreX. We appreciate hearing from you.
>
> We understand your frustration with the experience with having your
> mattress delivered. Please know that we value you as a customer and
> appreciate you patience through this matter. For further assistance with
> having this issue resolved please contact our Delivery Solutions
> Department directly at 1-800-732-7747.
>
> We apologize for any inconvenience you have experienced and thank you
> for choosing StoreX. We appreciate your business.
>
> If you have any other questions or concerns or would like to discuss
> this matter in more detail please feel free to reply to this e-mail.”
>
> Okay, maybe they care…  I called that different 1-800 number – and
> then wrote this email:
>
> “Well, as it turns out, yes, perhaps you could be of further assistance..
>
> I just called that number and spoke to Kevin.  He informed me that the
> system shows that they DID deliver my mattress yesterday and it will
> be another 24-48 hours for StoreX to 'investigate'  this and then call
> me back.  That is the best StoreX can do, and I am stuck here.
>
> Without my mattress.  Honestly, if any of you folks were in my shoes
> right how, how would YOU feel to be treated this way?!?!?!?!
>
> I am so incredibly angry and frustrated with StoreX right at this
> minute!!!!!!!!
>
> I would appreciate answers that work for ME - the customer, now.  I
> understand you’re sorry for the inconvenience and you apologize.  Now
> can we please get me a mattress!!!!!!  I am inches from cancelling the
> entire order and calling the Better Business Bureau!”
>
> Yeah!  I told them!  Ha!  Folks are gonna start jumping now!!  Here’s
> what I got:
>
> “Thank you for contacting StoreX.  We appreciate hearing from you.   We
> understand that you have had a frustrating experience regarding delivery
> of the mattresses.
>
> For assistance with or any information regarding your delivery, please
> call  800-732-7747 seven days a week 7 am to 1 am est. Our delivery
> department will be able to assist you better and answer any other
> questions you have about your delivery.
>
> We apologize for the delivery issues you have experienced and we thank
> you for choosing StoreX.  We appreciate your business.”
>
> Seriously.   They understand!  My ass they understood a damn thing!!!
>
> So I wrote this:
>
> “Gentlemen - I am just about totally through with your condescending
> emails that offer NO HELP at all and only repeat 'you're so sorry'....
>
> CANCEL MY ORDER PLEASE!!!!!!!  NOW.  I am done with StoreX.
>
> I already called that phone number and was told, oh, so sorry for your
> inconvenience, now it'll be two more days while we figure out how we
> screwed this up!!!!
>
> I'm done.  Here it is in writing - CANCEL MY ORDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 12:35pm ON 26 July 2012.  I will have a copy of this email, and you do
> too.
>
> Your customer service department is worthless as far as I'm concerned.”
>
> It’s almost laughable now.  They wrote this:
>
> “Thank you for your recent correspondence.  We are always interested in
> hearing from our customers.  We apologize for any frustration you have
> encountered with your delivery.
>
> To cancel, please contact our Delivery Solutions Department directly at
> 1-800-732-7747.We appreciate your feedback. By sharing your ideas, you
> have enabled us to address the issues and provide feedback to the
> appropriate person. Truly, your remarks provide forthright feedback that
> will enable StoreX Holdings to improve the customer experience.
>
> Once again, we apologize for the situation and we thank you for
> contacting us.”
>
> And in total complete frustration, I sent the email that ended our
> email conversation:
>
> “DO YOU PEOPLE EVEN READ THESE EMAILS!?!?!?!?
>
> I am not wasting another second calling anybody at StoreX!!!!!!  My
> order has been cancelled!!!!!!!!!!”
>
> Thursday was a busy day for all of us – and I was done playing!!!
>
> Hahahaha!!!  But when I got home, the bed frame had been delivered by
> UPS!!!!!!!!!!!    *IT* was six days ahead of schedule, and don’t you
> know my son jumped right on that and set it up!
>
> Okay, so maybe the order wassn’t really cancelled and nobody really
> alive and breathing read it.  Fine.  Friday, a new day, a new
> attitude, a new reserve to draw from to fight this battle!!!
> And so I called that same 1-800 number one more time.   And was told
> that it had only been 24 hours, I still had another 24 hours to go
> until somebody had to tell me where my mattress was!  (My words, not
> theirs, but you get the point.)  Finally – oh great God FINALLY!!! –
> they connected me to the store that had the order to deliver.  I spoke
> to a real live American guy named, ‘Mac’!!!!  I love Mac!  I love that
> Mac actually works IN a store in Jacksonvile – just a mere 50 miles
> away!!  Mac went and looked and FOUND my mattress!!  And, Mac told me
> that they’d tried to deliver but I wasn’t home!
>
> But nobody told me they were going to deliver it on Friday – they told
> me it was already delivered!!  Mac, God bless him, actually gave me
> the phone number for the guy contracted to do the delivering.  So I
> called him and he said he needed to wait to get his itinerary for
> Saturday, and if he was coming this way, he’d get it delivered
> Saturday.  Would I be home?  I PROMISED that I would wait to hear from
> him, and I’d be home.
>
> I never did hear from  him, but I spent all day yesterday home,
> waiting to hear from somebody.  Around 3 I got a call, from a machine,
> telling me that my delivery was scheduled for NEXT WEDNESDAY!!!!!!!!!!
>  Oh no friggin way!!!!  And so I tried to call the store back.  But
> when I called the ‘local’ store number and pushed the button for ‘home
> delivery’, I got a nice young lady from some foreign country and hung
> up fast!!  Finally I called the store and pushed “0” and a real person
> answered.  Her name was Gloria.  I actually thanked her for being
> American.  She said, ‘Well… you’re… welcome, I guess….  :)
>
> AND SHE TOLD ME I WAS WELCOME TO JUST COME PICK IT UP MYSELF!!!!!!  We
> were going to go last night, but that’s when I bright red line of
> storms that this part of North Carolina seems to get every day for the
> last several weeks started, and so we decided to wait and go today –
> besides, then we’d have time to go to Red Robin for lunch!!  (Salted
> Caramel Shakes – TO.  DIE.  FOR.!!!)
>
> This morning was exciting!  Going to get a mattress!!  We emptied the
> back of my son’s truck, and away we went!  We made a couple of stops
> and then had lunch, and then we arrived at merchandise pick up.  It
> took a while – and those young men apologized for the wait!!  And a
> very nice lady who probably felt incredibly sorry for me REFUNDED THE
> DELIVERY FEE!!!!!!!!!!!  Wee-hoo!!
>
> The young men had loaded the mattress (wrapped in plastic and in a
> cardboard box) in the truck with one end up over the tool box and cab,
> and the other end down by the tail gate.  My son asked them if they
> thought he should tie in down, but they said no, they thought it would
> be fine.
>
> But when I walked out we discussed it and I assured him that I thought
> it would be better if we tied it anyway.  We’d come with two different
> types of rope.  The thinner was nylon, and that was what my husband
> said he thought would be stronger.  There were plastic bands around
> the box, and we looped the rope through all of them and tied it down
> in all four corners.  Perfect!
> We never thought the rope would break, but ten miles or so out of
> town, on the highway headed home, that’s exactly what it did – break!
> Seconds before the mattress took flight and flipped out of the back of
> the truck!
>
> (Really.  Are you laughing yet!?!?  This crap is seriously funny and
> the kind of stuff you just can NOT make up!!)
>
> Thankfully nobody was too close behind us, and the guy who watched it
> fly and dodged it was kind of enough to stop behind it and put his
> flashers on while we went to retrieve it.  My son barely had the truck
> stopped and off the road before I was out and running to get it out of
> the road before the line of cars I saw coming could get there.
> (Somebody stopped in the middle of the highway is baaaadddd!!)
>
> I grabbed the plastic ties and pulled it off, and then my son jogged
> up and grabbed the other end and we carried it back to the truck.  (I
> asked him later what he was doing while I was running and he said,
> ‘walking’.  But he started jogging…)
>
> We got the damn thing retied down – with the back end up this time and
> thicker rope and more knots – and we managed to make it all the way
> home without further incident.  And we laughed.  Oh man we laughed…
> My son said, “they say you should flip your mattress every six months…
> we haven’t even gotten it home and we’ve already done that!”.
>
> Tonight, he's sleeping on a new mattress.
>
> The End.  Finally.
>