TheBanyanTree: A VERY LONG Tale of Woe...

[Pam Lawley]

I think this story needs to be told.... it may bring entertainment to
some, and may just be the therapy I need to ward off post traumatic
stress disorder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (In the interest of total
fairness, I have replaced the store's real name with "StoreX"... it
just didn't feel right otherwise.)

So.  (All the best stories start with 'So'...)

My son needed a new mattress.  He told me that a while back and I blew
him off.  He's had more than his share of new mattresses through the
years, and I felt like the next one bought should be purchased by him.
 And then I saw the 'hole' in it.  A big, fat sunken hole - no wonder
he had trouble sleeping!  I finally consented to buy another.

I *hate* mattress shopping!  To me it is one giant crap shoot - who
really knows?!?!  I swear it's easier to buy a car!  The most
expensive mattress is NOT he best - it really just depends on the
person sleeping on it!  And that's another thing!!  How in the heck do
you know before you sleep on it?!  Sure, you can go lay on a mattress
in the store - but laying on one for a few minutes is NOT sleeping on
it for eight hours!!  A crap shoot I tell you!!!!

I lived through this a couple of years ago when my husband and I
needed a new mattress.  We checked all kinds and makes and prices in
loads of stores and we even checked labels on hotel mattresses!
Finally, I went looking on line and came across a half-price sale at
StoreX!  Perfect!!  For only half the price, if it totally sucked, I
wouldn't feel quite so taken!!  I don't remember how we got it, but we
did and we've loved it.  Turns out I just got incredibly lucky!!

And I thought I'd try the same tactics for my son.  Sort of like a
'known crap shoot'!  Ha!

Right off the bat, I told the kid I'd buy him a new mattress, but I
was NOT going to spend two or three thousand dollars on it - I didn't
care HOW poorly he slept!!  You should know that my son has something
of a 'champagne taste' on my beer pocketbook!!  And he talked to his
dad, who would never consider buying one for him, but who has the
money for champagne.  A very bad influence!!

We finally compromised on a mattress, and he also chose a new frame -
he HAD mentioned a long time ago that there was a broken leg on his,
and in fact, we had duct-taped it together.  No, I can't tell you why
now.  Things were never so desperate that I couldn't afford a new
simple metal bed frame and I'm not sure how that happened.  But it
did, so I told him I'd replace it.

But when I went on line to make the purchases (there are no stores
local where we live), I couldn't get the damn link to move onto
purchasing!!!  I closed out the page and tried over and over, and
finally gave up and called the purchase in.  Four times - FOUR TIMES!!
- I was asked if I wanted to add anything else to my order, and four
times I told them 'no thank you!'. Okay, only three times.  The fourth
time I said something closer to, 'no, like I said the first three
times!!'.  Geez.

Anyway, I paid a fortune for shipping and delivery, and they told me
the mattress would be in on Wednesday, July 25th, and bed frame a week
later on August 1st.  Whatever.

Last Tuesday there was a voice mail on the house phone telling me that
the mattress would be delivered between 2:30 and 4:30pm.  Since my son
is usually home that time of day, I figured it wouldn't be a problem
and I'd let him know.  But I forgot, so a little after 2 I texted him
- and he texted back that he wasn't at home.  Figures!  Fortunately, I
work about three minutes from the house, so I told my boss I had to go
and I did.  I was home at 2:30.

At 4:54 when I called the 1-800 number on the confirmation email, I
was a little chagrined that I'd taken off from work and the delivery
wasn't made during the scheduled time frame.  That very nice young
lady from some foreign country told me, 'Yes Mrs. Lawley, I understand
your frustration and I will be happy to help you with that.'  She put
me on hold to check the delivery status, and came back on the line and
told me they were delivering somewhere else and that I was next.  And
that they'd call to confirm.  Great!  I was a little pissed that they
hadn't bothered to let me know earlier (I HATE when companies think
that their time is more valuable than yours!!!!!!), but again,
whatever.

So doncha know when I called again at 7 asking about my mattress, I
was a LOT more ticked!!!  I called the 1-800 number again and another
nice young lady from some foreign country who told me, 'Yes Mrs.
Lawley, I understand your frustration and I will be happy to help you
with that.'   She actually transferred me to the delivery people (she
said), but I got a nice young lady from some foreign country who told
me,  'Yes Mrs. Lawley, I understand your frustration and I will be
happy to help you with that.'  And then she told me that since I had
missed my appointment, I would have to be rescheduled for Saturday.  I
told her, oh no, I think not - I was HERE and I am not waiting around
until Saturday!  Well, she said, they could do Friday.  And so I
proceeded to tell her - again!! - that I had NOT missed my appointment
and if I HAD, why hadn't somebody mentioned that at 5 when I called?!
She had no answer - there was actually empty space because I had asked
a question that was NOT on her script!  I asked to speak to a
supervisor and she told me that I could, but the supervisor would tell
me the same thing.  I told her I didn't care, that I wanted to speak
to a supervisor.  She put me on hold.  And I stayed on hold until I
recognized the sounds of NO CONNECTION!!!!!!!  I got hung up on!!

Caveat - I was NOT overly hostile or rude or ugly... I worked hard to
maintain some sense of decorum talking to these ladies!!  Obviously, I
failed.

Meanwhile I wrote an email to the person whose name was on the
confirmation email and told him pretty much all I just wrote here.
And Thursday morning I got a reply.

“Thank you for contacting StoreX. We appreciate hearing from you.

We understand your frustration with the experience with having your
mattress delivered. Please know that we value you as a customer and
appreciate you patience through this matter. For further assistance with
having this issue resolved please contact our Delivery Solutions
Department directly at 1-800-732-7747.

We apologize for any inconvenience you have experienced and thank you
for choosing StoreX. We appreciate your business.

If you have any other questions or concerns or would like to discuss
this matter in more detail please feel free to reply to this e-mail.”

Okay, maybe they care…  I called that different 1-800 number – and
then wrote this email:

“Well, as it turns out, yes, perhaps you could be of further assistance..

I just called that number and spoke to Kevin.  He informed me that the
system shows that they DID deliver my mattress yesterday and it will
be another 24-48 hours for StoreX to 'investigate'  this and then call
me back.  That is the best StoreX can do, and I am stuck here.

Without my mattress.  Honestly, if any of you folks were in my shoes
right how, how would YOU feel to be treated this way?!?!?!?!

I am so incredibly angry and frustrated with StoreX right at this
minute!!!!!!!!

I would appreciate answers that work for ME - the customer, now.  I
understand you’re sorry for the inconvenience and you apologize.  Now
can we please get me a mattress!!!!!!  I am inches from cancelling the
entire order and calling the Better Business Bureau!”

Yeah!  I told them!  Ha!  Folks are gonna start jumping now!!  Here’s
what I got:

“Thank you for contacting StoreX.  We appreciate hearing from you.   We
understand that you have had a frustrating experience regarding delivery
of the mattresses.

For assistance with or any information regarding your delivery, please
call  800-732-7747 seven days a week 7 am to 1 am est. Our delivery
department will be able to assist you better and answer any other
questions you have about your delivery.

We apologize for the delivery issues you have experienced and we thank
you for choosing StoreX.  We appreciate your business.”

Seriously.   They understand!  My ass they understood a damn thing!!!

So I wrote this:

“Gentlemen - I am just about totally through with your condescending
emails that offer NO HELP at all and only repeat 'you're so sorry'....

CANCEL MY ORDER PLEASE!!!!!!!  NOW.  I am done with StoreX.

I already called that phone number and was told, oh, so sorry for your
inconvenience, now it'll be two more days while we figure out how we
screwed this up!!!!

I'm done.  Here it is in writing - CANCEL MY ORDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
12:35pm ON 26 July 2012.  I will have a copy of this email, and you do
too.

Your customer service department is worthless as far as I'm concerned.”

It’s almost laughable now.  They wrote this:

“Thank you for your recent correspondence.  We are always interested in
hearing from our customers.  We apologize for any frustration you have
encountered with your delivery.

To cancel, please contact our Delivery Solutions Department directly at
1-800-732-7747.We appreciate your feedback. By sharing your ideas, you
have enabled us to address the issues and provide feedback to the
appropriate person. Truly, your remarks provide forthright feedback that
will enable StoreX Holdings to improve the customer experience.

Once again, we apologize for the situation and we thank you for
contacting us.”

And in total complete frustration, I sent the email that ended our
email conversation:

“DO YOU PEOPLE EVEN READ THESE EMAILS!?!?!?!?

I am not wasting another second calling anybody at StoreX!!!!!!  My
order has been cancelled!!!!!!!!!!”

Thursday was a busy day for all of us – and I was done playing!!!

Hahahaha!!!  But when I got home, the bed frame had been delivered by
UPS!!!!!!!!!!!    *IT* was six days ahead of schedule, and don’t you
know my son jumped right on that and set it up!

Okay, so maybe the order wassn’t really cancelled and nobody really
alive and breathing read it.  Fine.  Friday, a new day, a new
attitude, a new reserve to draw from to fight this battle!!!
And so I called that same 1-800 number one more time.   And was told
that it had only been 24 hours, I still had another 24 hours to go
until somebody had to tell me where my mattress was!  (My words, not
theirs, but you get the point.)  Finally – oh great God FINALLY!!! –
they connected me to the store that had the order to deliver.  I spoke
to a real live American guy named, ‘Mac’!!!!  I love Mac!  I love that
Mac actually works IN a store in Jacksonvile – just a mere 50 miles
away!!  Mac went and looked and FOUND my mattress!!  And, Mac told me
that they’d tried to deliver but I wasn’t home!

But nobody told me they were going to deliver it on Friday – they told
me it was already delivered!!  Mac, God bless him, actually gave me
the phone number for the guy contracted to do the delivering.  So I
called him and he said he needed to wait to get his itinerary for
Saturday, and if he was coming this way, he’d get it delivered
Saturday.  Would I be home?  I PROMISED that I would wait to hear from
him, and I’d be home.

I never did hear from  him, but I spent all day yesterday home,
waiting to hear from somebody.  Around 3 I got a call, from a machine,
telling me that my delivery was scheduled for NEXT WEDNESDAY!!!!!!!!!!
 Oh no friggin way!!!!  And so I tried to call the store back.  But
when I called the ‘local’ store number and pushed the button for ‘home
delivery’, I got a nice young lady from some foreign country and hung
up fast!!  Finally I called the store and pushed “0” and a real person
answered.  Her name was Gloria.  I actually thanked her for being
American.  She said, ‘Well… you’re… welcome, I guess….  :)

AND SHE TOLD ME I WAS WELCOME TO JUST COME PICK IT UP MYSELF!!!!!!  We
were going to go last night, but that’s when I bright red line of
storms that this part of North Carolina seems to get every day for the
last several weeks started, and so we decided to wait and go today –
besides, then we’d have time to go to Red Robin for lunch!!  (Salted
Caramel Shakes – TO.  DIE.  FOR.!!!)

This morning was exciting!  Going to get a mattress!!  We emptied the
back of my son’s truck, and away we went!  We made a couple of stops
and then had lunch, and then we arrived at merchandise pick up.  It
took a while – and those young men apologized for the wait!!  And a
very nice lady who probably felt incredibly sorry for me REFUNDED THE
DELIVERY FEE!!!!!!!!!!!  Wee-hoo!!

The young men had loaded the mattress (wrapped in plastic and in a
cardboard box) in the truck with one end up over the tool box and cab,
and the other end down by the tail gate.  My son asked them if they
thought he should tie in down, but they said no, they thought it would
be fine.

But when I walked out we discussed it and I assured him that I thought
it would be better if we tied it anyway.  We’d come with two different
types of rope.  The thinner was nylon, and that was what my husband
said he thought would be stronger.  There were plastic bands around
the box, and we looped the rope through all of them and tied it down
in all four corners.  Perfect!
We never thought the rope would break, but ten miles or so out of
town, on the highway headed home, that’s exactly what it did – break!
Seconds before the mattress took flight and flipped out of the back of
the truck!

(Really.  Are you laughing yet!?!?  This crap is seriously funny and
the kind of stuff you just can NOT make up!!)

Thankfully nobody was too close behind us, and the guy who watched it
fly and dodged it was kind of enough to stop behind it and put his
flashers on while we went to retrieve it.  My son barely had the truck
stopped and off the road before I was out and running to get it out of
the road before the line of cars I saw coming could get there.
(Somebody stopped in the middle of the highway is baaaadddd!!)

I grabbed the plastic ties and pulled it off, and then my son jogged
up and grabbed the other end and we carried it back to the truck.  (I
asked him later what he was doing while I was running and he said,
‘walking’.  But he started jogging…)

We got the damn thing retied down – with the back end up this time and
thicker rope and more knots – and we managed to make it all the way
home without further incident.  And we laughed.  Oh man we laughed…
My son said, “they say you should flip your mattress every six months…
we haven’t even gotten it home and we’ve already done that!”.

Tonight, he's sleeping on a new mattress.

The End.  Finally.