TheBanyanTree: “It’s Like Going to War”

[Monique Colver]

Yes. It's a dirty business out there in the food industry. Cupcakes flinging
themselves at each other, stabbing each other with bayonets . . . and yes,
they don't really do war like that now, but cupcakes are living in the past
and haven't caught up to modern warfare methods.

And I love Cupcake Wars. All the carnage and all.


M




On Tue, Oct 4, 2011 at 12:24 PM, Pam Lawley <pamj.lawley at gmail.com> wrote:

> Another entertaining read Monique - you're on a roll so keep 'em coming!!!
>
> And I've always wondered about "Cupcake Wars"... really?!?!?!  poor
> good-hearted cupcakes....
>
> On Tue, Oct 4, 2011 at 2:03 PM, Monique Colver <monique.colver at gmail.com
> >wrote:
>
> > I heard this on a commercial the other day, maybe for The Next Iron Chef.
> > You know, where chefs compete to become television stars, if they aren’t
> > already, by participating in cooking contests. I love a good cooking
> > contest
> > as well as the next person, so don’t get me wrong. Cooking competitions
> are
> > fun. But apparently for chefs, it’s like going to war.
> >
> >
> >
> > Really? Are people shooting at them while they’re cooking? Are bombs
> going
> > off around them? Are IED’s littering the countertops? When they’re done
> > with
> > the competition will they return home with PTSD and an overwhelming urge
> to
> > assimilate while being unsure how? Will they suffer bouts of anger,
> > depression, and ennui? Or do they run the risk of not returning home at
> all
> > when one of the competitors decides to Take The Competition Seriously and
> > stabs them with a boning knife?
> >
> >
> >
> > Okay, it’s true that I have no actual war experience myself. When I was
> in
> > the military we were, nominally, at peace, and though we played at war
> for
> > practice, there’s no way it could have been anything like actual war. I
> was
> > aware of that when I was told to please lay on the body bag and then
> climb
> > up into the truck myself, because if they’d zipped me up into the bag I’d
> > 1)
> > be unable to breathe, and then 2) gotten hurt when they’d throw my body
> bag
> > up in into the truck, which is what would have happened if we’d been at
> > war.
> > Also, at the end of the day I got to leave the morgue and go back to . .
> .
> > work. There’s nothing like a real war to show us that indeed, there’s
> > nothing like war.
> >
> >
> >
> > War is messy and icky and painful, and at the end the people who do get
> to
> > come home don’t get awarded with a starring role in a television show.
> > Though that’s not a bad idea, is it?
> >
> >
> >
> > “It’s like going to war,” except it isn’t. But hey, who am I to say?
> >
> >
> >
> > We love to exaggerate. Personally, I love to throw things in my writing
> > like, “There’s absolutely nothing worse than . . . “ because, in real
> life,
> > there are many worse things than whatever I’m saying, and while I’m not
> > sure
> > everyone else gets the irony, I do, so what else matters?
> >
> >
> >
> > We love to appropriate inappropriate words and use them in a different
> > context, especially if they’re powerful words. A favorite of mine is
> rape.
> > “I’ve been raped by the government!” “I’ve been raped by big business!”
> > “I’ve been raped by society!”
> >
> >
> >
> > Whatever. When I hear this I immediately disregard whatever else the
> > speaker
> > is trying to say. If that’s the best they can do to describe what’s
> > happening to them, I’m not inclined to hear any more. Maybe they’re
> right,
> > and maybe they are being raped by amorphous entities who are holding them
> > down and threatening their lives while . . . well, you know. Rape is a
> > sexual assault. Maybe we should create a new word to describe what people
> > think is rape, but isn’t. You go first. I’ll pick up on it later and find
> > fault with it, if I can.
> >
> >
> >
> > It’s what I do.
> >
> >
> >
> > I’m going to work now, which is much like playing at war, in that I get
> to
> > sit in a comfy office and get paid. At least that’s how I play war, I
> don’t
> > know about you.
> >
>