TheBanyanTree: The Dark Art of Raising a Teenager

[Anita Coia]

Re the charming and the sensible sons (sorry, I've accidentally deleted the
digest and can't recall who commented - Julie?)

 

Yeah, sometimes those who are charming seem to fly through life, and my
stepson may well be one of them - he is good company and everyone likes him.


 

However, we have an older and more extreme example of the breed in his
grandfather, who is proof that being charming with little to back it up only
works when no-one actually requires anything of you but charm.  

 

When your lack of reliable delivery has financial, reputational or emotional
impacts to other people, they get jack of it eventually (or quickly - though
surprisingly, responsible people give irresponsible people many chances to
redeem themselves). 

 

This 70-something fellow has left a trail of destroyed family relationships
in his wake, he has no money and lives as an almost destitute man in between
his liaisons with amazingly nice, responsible, otherwise intelligent women
who support him, pick up after him, counsel him as his friendships crumble,
and buy the stories that explain why he 'temporarily' has no money. Some
days I wonder whether he is actually a sociopath.  It's hard to believe he
once held a position of considerable responsibility in an organisation that
upholds the law. 

 

So I hope that your responsible son understands that while he appears to be
doing it the hard way now, he is setting himself up for a long life without
the constant turmoil that accompanies irresponsibility. He is also creating
the history that will make some wonderful woman look at him and think "This
is someone I want to be with forever", and that some fantastic employer will
think "This is an employee I want to look after and reward". He will have
long, true, supportive friendships that go with him through good times and
bad.   He may also, however, be called on in the future to help out someone
less well equipped.  

 

Anita