TheBanyanTree: The dark art of raising a teenager

[NancyIee at aol.com]

In a message dated 11/28/2011 10:55:21 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,  
jateague at indiana.edu writes:

> You  know what I want here, don't you, all you parents of grown-up  
teenagers?
> Yes, I want reassurance that he will grow out of it,  mature, turn into 
the
> man I know he can be, full of potential with a  great life ahead of him.  
Is
> the dark art of raising a teenager  that of guiding him to this future, 
or is
> it actually letting go and  letting him get there by his own path, however
> rocky and stumble-prone  it may be? Or should I just be stepping back and
> letting him reach his  own future, not the one I (or his father) envision 
for
>  him?





One more note on  surviving the teens. My older son was perfect. He  did 
his homework, got great grades, had tame and suitable friends, didn't date  
until he was of college age, and did his home chores with a minimum of 
whining.  He completed HS in his Jr year, but he wanted to graduate with his peers, 
so did  tutoring and chess club his last year. He came and went as he 
pleased in school  and home, because he was trusted. (In those days they didn't 
have advanced  courses for those kids). He never got into trouble, got a job 
at a young age and  was a model worker.
 
As an adult, he's a teen. He messed up his family life, messes up any  
relationship he's in, messes up his work. and when out of work, plays online  
poker. His writing is magical, but too much trouble to pursue.  He's a good  
Dad, I'll give him that, and they adore him. I think he's their version of 
Peter  Pan.
 
He has friends but none very close. I think he prefers his solitude. His  
creative streak produces some outstanding work, though he gets disinterested 
and  never goes anywhere with it. He's kind, a good listener, and as close 
to a  soulmate as can be. He knows what's going on in the world, and can 
voice his  opinion clearly, and has sound workable ideas, but never gets 
involved where it  might make a difference. He reads a lot, and can converse on 
literature and the  arts knowledgeably.   I love him dearly, and know he's 
filled to the brim  with generosity and awareness, but I despair he will survive 
his "teen" years.  The other children had teen lives that ranged from 
horrible to insanity, and  they are now productive and sound and doing well.  The 
one?  He's  still perfect.    Ask him.