TheBanyanTree: Sort Of About A Mixer

[B Drummond]

Loved the story, Pam.  Glad to hear that you hung in there and made the best of a relationship that others would have given up on. Your dad, rightfully so, must have been very proud of you.



Sent from my iPad

On Nov 7, 2010, at 11:15 AM, Pam Lawley <pamj.lawley at gmail.com> wrote:

> So, my KitchenAid mixer is dying...  yes, I suppose that there are more
> pressing issues in the world today, but right here, in my house, to me, this
> is pretty major.
> 
> The father I grew up with was a jerk.  Of course, he probably thought that
> his father was a jerk as well, and unfortunately, he was only taught one way
> to raise children.  Be in charge and beat obedience out of them!  I would
> never have dreamed of talking to my father the way my children sometimes
> talk to me.  And if I had ever reacted to my children talking that way, the
> way my father would have reacted, well, I'd be in jail right now probably.
> But times, they are a changin'...
> 
> I remember bloodied lips and bloodied noses, and bruises.  A lot of bruises.
> And beatings.  My stomach just dropped, right now, just remembering back to
> those beatings.  And they were the same beatings that my gather got at the
> hand of his father as well.  NOT a cheery way to raise children.  We weren't
> a 'touchy-feely' lot, and nobody ever told anybody that they were loved or
> appreciated. But somehow, my two siblings and I managed to grow up.  Oh, we
> all have our issues, trust me!  I don't think you can grow up with that much
> 'dysfunction' and not!
> 
> The kicker is, that I grew up loving that man, and craving his approval!  I
> was also the middle child, and from what I've read, a pretty textbook
> 'pleaser'.  My mission in life has been to "keep the peace" and do whatever
> I could, in whatever situation I found myself in, to make everybody happy.
> Silly, a person can't "MAKE" anybody do or be anything!
> 
> (A conversation with my children's father way back when:  Him:  "Are you
> trying to make me mad?!?!?".  And me:   "No, if I could MAKE you something
> I'd MAKE you turn the TV off and change your son's diaper!")
> 
> Anyway, I've gone through life feeling a lot of moments of panic, and my
> first thought was, "I'll bake cookies!".  I'm not sure WHY I thought baking
> cookies would make everything alright, but it's always been my first "go to"
> happy thought for keeping the peace.  There you have it!
> 
> But my father... He drank a lot, and he smoked.  There was always a bottle
> of Jim Beam in the house, and I can remember many mornings watching him take
> a shot.  He said it was for "medicinal purposes only".  Whatever.  I always
> thought that I never saw him drunk, but the truth is that maybe I never saw