TheBanyanTree: November

[Margaret R. Kramer]

Our glorious autumn continues.  We’ve had cold temperatures and finally a
freeze, which murdered all my unsuspecting impatiens, but the warmth from
the west has returned along with the pale November sun, and we can wear
light jackets as we travel outside.


The wind is kicking off the last of this past summer’s leaves.  There are
still some golds and reds to be found, but most of the remaining leaves are
a murky brown, the color of November, as fall is fading away and winter, in
spite of the warmer than normal weather, is taking its place.

I finished up my fall chores today, lucky that the weather was to my
advantage.  I mowed the few remaining leaves in the yard and then ran the
gas out of my lawn mower.  It was the last time I was going to use it this
season.  I stowed it in the back corner of garage and moved the eight ton
snowblower out to front and center, ready for use at a moment’s notice.

I turned off the water to the outside spigots.  This prevents the pipes from
freezing up.  I don’t need any more expensive plumbers!

I washed all my bedding, mattress pad, blankets, and quilt, and now my bed
will be warm and snug because the summer cotton have been replaced with
flannel sheets.

Now my house is ready for winter.  And I am, too.  I finished setting up the
small bedroom upstairs that I used for my office until I moved my office
into the main floor bedroom.

I hated walking by that empty room, and hearing my footsteps echo from the
bare hardwood floors.  Last weekend, I bought a futon bed from Wal-Mart.
Asher helped me put it together, but I’m gaining confidence in my ability to
put things together and fix stuff, so I almost didn’t need him.  I found a
small bookcase at Goodwill, along with a nice rocking chair to go into the
room as well.  I bought a shelf stereo, lamps, a clock, and a cordless phone
(I still have landline service) for the room.

I’ve rearranged it once since the original set-up, and I like it now.  It
will be a small sitting and reading space for me or a guest room if the boys
spend the night, the futon is a full-size, or if I have a guest.  Yeah,
right.

But, anyway, it’s been fun to spread myself out throughout the house now
that Asher and the boys have moved out.  This house is way too big for me as
one person, but I’ve used it to stretch out, change things around a bit, and
challenge myself. 

I also moved my old laptop upstairs to use it as a DVD player for yoga DVDs.
I need to do yoga more than once a week and I kind of set up this room with
that in mind.

I’ve been going to classes at this yoga center for almost a year.  I just
love the instructors, the people I’ve met, and the classes.  I’m extremely
tight and inflexible, but I’ve noticed a gradual loosening of my muscles and
a more relaxed mental attitude in general than before I took yoga.

I started Beginning Yoga II on Monday.  The instructor is one of the head
honchos at the yoga center.  I was looking forward to learning more about
the postures and getting deeper into them.

All that optimism was smashed.  This instructor, in spite of five million
years learning yoga and teaching yoga, was awful.  She was rude, insulting,
and used humiliation tactics with our class of five women.

For one woman, this was her fourth time taking Beginning Yoga II.  The
instructor asked her why she kept taking this class, wasn’t she ready for
intermediate yoga?  Why did she keep taking this class over and over again?

She jumped down the throat of another woman when she told us to do the sun
salutation.  “You looked afraid when I mentioned the sun salutation?  Why
are you afraid?  What’s wrong with you?”

And me, I got the worst of it.  I have difficulty getting my butt down to my
heels when we have to a kneeling posture, like child’s pose.  I’m much
better than I was, but I’m not a poster child for child’s pose (no pun
intended).  

She told me I could not do hatha yoga and I should not be in this class.
Then she looked around the room and asked the other women what should be
done with me.  They looked shocked and stunned.  I felt like I was being
voted to get kicked off of Survivor or something.  I felt humiliated.

She didn’t suggest any modifications, any other poses; she just gave me this
icy stare.  Then she said I could stay.  What an honor!

We finished the class and I left.  Unfortunately, I didn’t have a chance to
talk to anyone in the class.  At first, I thought I would go back.  But then
after thinking about it for a couple of days, and also doing some research
on yoga and yoga instruction, I decided not to go back.

I knew from just seeing her around that she is extremely anal about stuff.
She berated a student in this class for “just throwing her socks on the
floor.  You should fold them and neatly put them behind your mat.”

But the humiliation tactics just didn’t make sense.  There is nothing in the
center’s brochure that stated only people with no physical limitations could
attend this class.  Everywhere I’ve looked stated yoga instructors should
offer modifications and encourage students to do as much as they can.  

I highly doubt I’ll ever be a pretzel, but I’m willing to let my body guide
me.  And that’s what I thought this yoga journey was all about.

I don’t think she was just having a bad night.  I think she’s like this all
the time.  And she gets away with it, because she is one of the center’s
directors.  Although all the other instructors I’ve had have been great,
positive, encouraging, etc, so I’m not sure how her negativity and
humiliation tactics fit in.

I didn’t want to beat my head against the wall for the next seven weeks, so
I’m not going back.  I signed up with a yoga instructor that I had many
years ago and I know she’s good.  I’ll start that class on November 23.
I’ll keep up with my yoga practice in my redecorated little room.

I thought that this instructor is not worth dealing with.  She’s not my boss
or a family member or a coworker I have to try to get along with.  I hired
her in a sense to guide me in yoga.  She’s not what I want, so I’m firing
her.

It’s sad, however, to be so enchanted with something and then find out it
wasn’t what it seemed.

I’m working on NaNoWriMo, too.  I kind of planned something in advance, so
it’s going smooth.  This is my third time doing NaNoWriMo, and I find it’s
not too difficult if I make sure to make to write every day.  In the past,
if I slip too much, then it’s a pain to try to catch up.

I like my NaNoWriMo time, because I can let my creative mind fly.  It’s like
being a kid again, with color crayons and blank pieces of paper, and I can
do whatever I want, and the only person I have to satisfy is me.

Joe and I went to a new liquor store, for us, this afternoon and bought some
Greek and Minnesota wine.  I also picked up a bottle of wine from Hungary.
I love trying wine from unusual parts of the world.  It’s like finding a new
little treasure.  It’s funny I’m like that about wine, because I rarely
drink more than one glass.  I like the taste for just that moment and then
it fades away.

On this November day, I’m finished with my summer projects, my house is
getting in order and organized, and I’m slowly accepting the person I am
without Ray.  I don’t like that person and I don’t want to be that person,
but I am accepting that’s the way it is, there’s no going back, not in this
world anyway, and I have to do the best I can with what I have.

Margaret R. Kramer
margaretkramer at comcast.net
www.linkedin.com/in/margaretkramer

A happy marriage is a long conversation that always seems too short.    
-Andre Maurois