TheBanyanTree: Cabin Fever

[Margaret R. Kramer]

This past week has been so cold and icky, that it’s takes all my power just
to get to work and home without freezing into an icicle.  Joe’s been driving
me to and from work, which is nice to jump into a warm car right after
walking out of the building, but I miss being outside, and I miss driving
myself.

I’ve gone from driving all over the metro on my quest for a job to limiting
myself to a small two mile square area.  I haven’t crossed the Mississippi
River in weeks.  I’m locked into being St. Paul bound by ice and snow and
cold.

I went out this morning to pick up the dog poop and that was exciting.  I
was out of the house, tromping around in the deep, icy snow, picking up
frozen poop.  It felt good to breathe the air and feel the January sunshine
on my face after being cooped up in a cubicle all week.  I filled up the
bird feeders and the birds were flocking to them before I even finished
pouring in the seed.

I drove to Target this afternoon and that was an adventure, too, because I
actually was able to drive.  And it was great to be out of the house.  We
get so housebound during winter days like these.  It’s too icy to walk, it’s
too cold to do much, and it’s such an effort to put on warm clothes, a coat,
hat, scarf, and mittens.  Then you have to keep track of all that stuff,
plus a purse and a cell phone.  It’s so much effort, that I might as well
stay home.  And I do.  So, going to Target was like going to the circus, all
the colors and people and the excitement of buying stuff.

And speaking of new stuff, I finally got my new stove yesterday.  My old
stove’s panel wasn’t sending the correct temperature information to the
oven, so everything I baked burned.  It would cost $400 to fix it, so I
bought a new stove instead.  The new one cost $398.  It was supposed to come
on December 16, but it was delayed until yesterday.

I love to bake and I missed it so much, but I baked a frozen pizza last
night and this afternoon, I baked a batch of brownies.  Yum!

I also got Ray’s DVDs back from the camera store.  The first one I watched
was the one he filmed from his mother’s funeral in 2002.  He had such a good
time, and I don’t mean that disrespectfully, his mother was 92 when she
died, and a small part of Ray’s life at that time, so he wasn’t broken up
about it or anything, but he had a good time because it was the first time
he was with his entire family and was able to do what he wanted to do
without his ex-wife bitching at him all the time.

You know the type, man or woman, who is a control freak, and just can’t let
their spouse alone.  They pick and pick at them.  That’s how Ray’s ex-wife
was.  I didn’t go, because it would have been too upsetting to the family,
but Ray had a gas.  And the DVD showed him being silly with his nieces and
nephews, and it was great.

The first time I saw him on the video, I wanted to reach out and hug him
tight.  Of course, I cried, but then I got into watching his family through
his eyes.  

Family videos are boring to anyone except those who have a vested interest
in watching them, and like many other videos, there are no YouTube moments
in Ray’s videos.  But it was like being with him, just like almost two years
haven’t passed, and I could almost throw myself into the video with his
goofy family.

After the service, Ray left the camera on and forgot about it, and I got to
watch the ground as he walked to the car.  He pulled up to a phone, Ray just
never got into cell phones, and I could hear him dialing the phone to call
me.  I know it was me he called, but I couldn’t hear the conversation, as he
kept moving around and jostling the camera.  But I did hear him say, “Love
you,” at the end.  I love you, too, sweetheart.

I watched a couple of other DVDs when the boys were one and three and very
cute.  Again, it was comforting to watch my family and ME through Ray’s
eyes.  There was one scene when Ray and I were at the North Shore on Lake
Superior and he was filming me scrapbooking.  I think I knew he was doing
that, but I just ignored him and kept working.  It would bore the heck out
of anyone else, but that little sequence is precious to me.

We’ve claimed more daylight since the winter solstice, but it still gets
dark so early, and it’s really dark, and the dark falls like a lead curtain.
Boom!  One minute it’s sunny and the next minute it’s DARK.

And that’s another reason I like staying home.  It’s just too darn dark to
go anywhere.  I’m going to stay home tonight, light my candles, cook some
chicken soup and grilled cheese sandwiches on my new stove, eat a brownie,
drink a glass or two of wine, and watch football with Joe.

And snuggle up in my little cabin.

Margaret R. Kramer
margaretkramer at comcast.net
margaret.kramer at polarispublications.com
www.polarispublications.com
www.linkedin.com/in/margaretkramer

Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a
friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire:  it is the time for home. 
-Edith Sitwell