TheBanyanTree: 3am prayer

[dseaman77 at gmail.com]

My father, quick to criticize and slow to praise, is a manly type of man. If only I could be strong like him, and yet he embodies all that I dislike about manhood. Some parents teach the lesson of self-hate disguised as humility. It's not really their fault. Everyone does it, even though words are supposed to mean something. Truths are often lost in the translation of our ancestry. It's taken my entire life to realize self-abasement is not a virtue.

Please don't let me alone with myself tonight. I'm unlike the person I see in the mirror. I'm my own worst bully. And humility is different than confusion. At least it is tonight, alone here in the dark with the person I detest the most. All that is grows from the seed of hope and dies in the arms of love. All that is healthy stems from self-love, and I am so limited tonight. 

My Father, bless his heart. At least he taught me about loneliness. And what is a poet without his desolation?



Dave