TheBanyanTree: Online Dating

[Margaret R. Kramer]

Sometimes I get mad at Joe, so in a fit of rage, I turned over my life’s
savings to eHarmony, put up a profile on the freebie plentyoffish and
match.com.  I’m a charter member of match.com, since I signed up for it way
back in 1996 when I was curious about it and now I never have to pay to use
its services.

And I’ll tell ya, I’d rather be single and alone than to deal with these
sites.

Even though eHarmony has all my money, I like this site the best, because I
don’t have to think.  They send about 10 matches to me each day.  I can pick
from a series of questions to send to the matches I like.  Then if the match
likes me, then he sends questions back.  Then I send him my likes and
dislikes, he does the same.  Next round is essay questions.  And finally, an
email or phone call!

I can just click on the questions and send and not have to compose a stupid
email, like “I’m hot and I want you.”  Which would probably get a lot better
response than what I’m getting.

Plentyoffish is free and it shows.  The people are kind of different.

And match.com is not much better.

My high level assessment of my use on these sites based on my age bracket
and demographic is that a lot of these guys want a 55 year old who looks 30
and wants to have sex with them.  I know there are probably good guys
looking for more than just sex and hot young babes, but I just haven’t run
into them.

It amazes me how some of these guys who are not attractive in any sense of
the word, think they’re hot stuff.  For example, I met a guy this week who
is widower, just six months, so he’s very fresh in grief, he used to live
down the street from me in a house that was ill kept, and now he’s lost the
house in foreclosure because his wife’s melanoma cost him so much money,
he’s 64, retired, and has prostate cancer, diabetes, heart disease, and high
cholesterol.  He’s short and heavy, a nice guy in a way.  But he’s not HOT!
And he thinks he is!

He told me he had a dated a younger woman, I assume she was probably in her
40s, who turned out to be a crack addict and took him for his money.  I’m
sure he liked the crackhead, because she gave him some nooky.  He was
married for almost 40 years, and he doesn’t seem like he messed around, so
he probably figures to help himself feel better about his grief and also be
able to get sex, he could take the hit on his pocketbook for a while.

He made Joe look like a normal guy.  At least, Joe and I didn’t start our
relationship based on sex.  We were both grieving and got involved way too
soon probably, but we moved through the stages gradually, flirting, email,
phone calls, dinner, dating, and then sex.  It wasn’t like, OK, let’s go to
bed NOW that I’ve known you for three minutes.

And Joe’s attractive.  He doesn’t have the most handsome face, but he’s tall
and slender, and other than his bypass surgery about 12 years ago, he’s
healthy and active.  He doesn’t walk around with his tongue hanging out,
lusting after other women, and he doesn’t flirt with anyone, at least not in
front of me.  He has his issues, but he doesn’t think like he’s god’s gift
to women.

I’m not a patient person, and everything I’ve read about online dating is
that it’s a numbers game and you have to go through probably 10 people or so
before you find a “match.”

Now Joe and I are getting along again, so I am putting matching on the back
burner.  Plus, it’s so time consuming, it’s like looking for a job.  Worse.
Because applying for a job is logical, this dating thing is not.  It’s based
on attractiveness and superficial personality traits.  Then you find a guy
who all he wants to do is stick his thing in you.  It’s one thing when
you’re 20, and you’re both attractive, but when you’re in the mid-50s, it’s
like most guys are really gross, and their small little things sticking out
under from their fat bellies isn’t exactly what I want to see before I get
to know them.  I sure don’t want to share my sagging breasts, my stretch
marks, and my cellulite before they’re totally enamored with my personality
and my physical traits won’t matter so much.     

So anyway, it’s been an interesting month or so on the online dating scene.
I might keep sending out my questions in eHarmony just to get my money’s
worth.

Margaret R. Kramer
margaretkramer at comcast.net
margaret.kramer at polarispublications.com
www.polarispublications.com
www.linkedin.com/in/margaretkramer

Within you I lose myself...
Without you I find myself
Wanting to be lost again.  
-Author Unknown