TheBanyanTree: A customer service story

[Theta Brentnall]

This is funny in a very sad sort of way.  At least when we were in the 
business of providing internet we tried very hard not to hire zombies 
who just read from a script.  May your cable be marvelous always.

The bit about "you might want it some day" reminded me of when I was a 
young 1st Lt in the Air Force, stationed at Kelly AFB.  I'd spent 18 
months sharing an apartment, which I didn't cope with very well, so as 
soon as I got that raise I found myself a tiny studio apartment that I 
could have all to myself.  When I called to have phone service 
installed, the woman told me that I needed two phones, one in the living 
room and one in the bedroom. 

No, I answered, I only need one because it's a studio.  I can get from 
one side to the other in about ten long steps.

She insisted.  I must have two phones. 

I insisted.  I didn't want or need two phones.

After several exchanges of that nature, she pulled out the ultimate hard 
sell line.  What if someone broke into my apartment and to rob and rape 
me?  I'd need a phone beside the bed to call for help.

Talk about stupid.   I told her that was about the sickest, lowest, 
nastiest thing any sales person had ever tried on me.  She was 
unrepentant and calmly asked what I'd do in that situation if I didn't 
have a phone handy.

What would I do?  Sweetie, I sure wouldn't pick up a phone.  First, I'd 
pick up the Colt .45 I keep on my nightstand, blow a hole in the 
miscreant big enough to throw a baseball through, and then while he's 
bleeding to death all over the floor, I'll have plenty of time to stroll 
over to the one and only phone in my apartment and call the cops.  And 
if he wiggled a little while I was waiting for them to get there, I'd 
shoot him again, just for good measure.

Hah!  You want to use shock tactics?  I see your shock tactic and raise 
you.  I can make up a story at the drop of a hat with the best of them.  
I got one phone.

Theta


Monique Colver wrote:
> We don't use long distance. We only have the phone since charming
> husband's work requires it, but it only goes through his place of
> employment, so it's not as if we NEED long distance. When that was
> pointed out, the fabulous agent responded with, “But you might want it
> someday.”