TheBanyanTree: May Flowers

[Margaret R. Kramer]

4/13/07
To all my friends,family,fellow workers,loves:
   I was put in the hospital here because of stomach pains and chest pains.
They took ct scans and found enough thing to admit me. The scans on my
stomach showed that i have crohns disease. 
             They took ct scans of my lungs and found CANCER ,they do not
have any plans yet  for treatment yet,they are looking. That COULD mean
surgery or meds. 
             I sit here with ivs in my arm giving me liquid and meds. I have
tube in my nose that removes contaminated fluids. I have had some  walks and
exercises. My strength is low and I get tired fast.i AM SORRY TO GIVE YOU
THIS BAD NEWS BUT I LOVE YOU ALL AND I THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW. fEEL FREE TO
E-MAIL ME              
dad .  grandpa.  great grandpa.  friend.   fellow worker.    brother. and
everyone I may have missed! 

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I bought a fishing license this week.  I have to check Ray’s fishing rod in
the garage to make sure it’s set up correctly.  Like I know anything about
fishing rods . . .

I bought all my garden plants this week.  I spent today battling the wind
and the cold and got all of them in pots or in the ground.  

My garden last year was such a failure.  I was still out of it from Ray’s
death.  I had begun working two jobs and didn’t know how to manage my time
very well.  And I started my relationship with Joe, who is kind of high
maintenance.

And my garden suffered.  By the end of the summer, it was such a weed patch
that was I embarrassed.  My garden is a source of pride for me and I didn’t
get the job done last year.

But this year is different.  I prepared my soil.  I weeded out the old
stuff, and plowed in fresh, new dirt.  I thought out what kind of plants I
wanted.  And today I went to work.

And when I was done late in the afternoon, I was pleased with my work.

We’re in a frost advisory tonight, so some of my newly planted garden is now
under warm blankets.

One of these days, spring will get here.

Quincy’s first baseball game was this afternoon.  He walked twice and struck
out once.  It was too windy and cold to sit in the stands, so Susan and I
sat in her car with the boys’ new puppy, a west highland terrier.  He’s a
real cutie.  I think he’s about eight weeks old.  

We also saw Kirby, a one eyed beagle, when she walked by our house.  Kirby
and her family live on the street behind us.  Our beagle, Axel, just LOVES
Kirby, but Kirby totally ignores him.

I went to the cemetery this evening.  I think I was the only one in the
place.  Next week will be busy, because of Memorial Day.  I saw a few flags
scattered around.  I bought Ray and my grandfather their flags.  Next week,
the cemetery will be spectacular with flags everywhere.  And it will be much
busier.

Joe and I watched the end of the Farrah Fawcett documentary last night.
Joe’s wife died of colon cancer, and he went through with her some of the
same things Farrah is going through now.

I kept wondering why Farrah wanted to cling to life.  Before Ray died, I
would have done the same, do anything to stay alive.  But now, I wonder.  I
don’t want to die or commit suicide, but if death offered me his hand, I
wouldn’t hesitate to grab it.  Because life without Ray isn’t the same as
life with Ray.  It’s like the colors of life are a little grayer.  The
happiness I used to have isn’t the same kind of happiness I had before Ray
died.  I’m not exactly sleep walking through life, but I kind of like just
get through each day, because once the day is over, I know it’s one day
closer to being with Ray.

Margaret R. Kramer
margaretkramer at comcast.net
margaret.kramer at polarispublications.com
www.polarispublications.com

Gone - flitted away,
Taken the stars from the night and the sun
>From the day!
Gone, and a cloud in my heart. 
-Alfred Tennyson