TheBanyanTree: Passport to June

[Margaret R. Kramer]

4/19/07
DID I TELL YOU THAT I LOVE YOU TODAY?
 CONCIDER IT SAID. LOVE YOU rAY


I got my passport!  I think back in March, the Post Office had a passport
day.  They processed passport applications and took pictures for the
passports.  Since our Post Office is a whopping block and a half away from
the house, I took advantage of this opportunity, and walked that short
distance one Saturday morning and applied for my passport.

I have no plans to leave the country, but a couple of weeks ago, I was oh,
so close to Canada, and if it would have been after June 1, and I decided to
visit my friends in Canada, I would have needed a passport to get back into
the USA.

So, I thought, since they're good for 10 years, I might as well get one and
have it ready, in case a great opportunity came up to travel abroad, and
then I wouldn't have to wait for six weeks or so get my passport.  It would
already be in my pocket! 

Who knows what could happen by May 2019?

Today is dreary, gloomy, and rainy.  It's a perfect day to work, which is
what I did this morning.  We need the rain so bad.  The ground was cracking
from being so dry.  The Twin Cities area is in a severe drought right now.
I can almost see the plants, trees, and grass smiling.  This rain will give
me a break from dragging around hoses for a few days.

Since I worked today, I didn't work at my second job on Thursday evening.
It was a perfect late spring evening.  The high was about 80 degrees, very
dry, and little wind.  I spent some of that evening in my garden, picking at
weeds, and staking up some plants.

One of my rose bushes didn't seem to be doing very well, but on closer
inspection, I see new leaves coming in.  Maybe it was traumatized from being
planted into my garden.

The broccoli and pepper plants are doing well.  Onions and celery are
hanging in there.  Some of the perennial flowers are blooming.

I grilled brats.  I ate the brats along with a salad and baked beans.  How
about that for a summer dinner?

I used the staple gun to re-attach the chicken wire to the wooden posts
around the garden.  I managed not to shoot a staple at myself.

Speaking of accidents, my grandson Quincy broke his arm last night.  He was
jumping off of his dad's car and tripped over a cement barrier and landed on
his arm funny.  He doesn't seem to be in much pain.  Asher took him to the
emergency room this morning.  Currently, Quincy's arm is in a sling.  He'll
get a cast sometime this week.

Unfortunately, he'll be out of school this week for the summer, so no one
will autograph it.  He was kind of disappointed about that.

He was going to run in the youth race for the Grand Old Day 5K, but forget
that.  Can't run with a broken arm.  I'll race alone tomorrow.

He won't be able to play baseball for at least four weeks.

If anyone out there participates in surveys over the phone, here's a word of
advice:  Unless asked, don't explain your answer.  The canvasser doesn't
take any of that information.  There's nowhere on the computer template to
add that ad lib explanations.

My last survey of the day lasted 36 minutes instead of the usual 10-15
minutes, because she felt the need to explain every answer.  And her
explanations lasted at least five minutes.  She was very nice and had
interesting opinions, but try as I might, I couldn't move her quickly
through the survey.  And as interesting as her explanations were, I wasn't
able to record them.  

Surveys aren't rocket science.  Just answer what comes to you and don't
overanalyze it.

On the grief front, I did very well this week.  Sure, I think about Ray all
the time, but my thoughts aren't so agonizing as they were before.  I did
have a breakdown last night.  Sometimes I miss him so much.  And then no
matter how good my life is, it flattens out for a few hours, and it just
seems pointless without Ray.  I wonder if I'll ever have a sense of purpose
again?

My life wasn't perfect when Ray and I were together.  I still had emotional
ups and downs.  There were times I'd just go into our room, shut the door,
and read all day.  That sluggish kind of mood had nothing to do with Ray,
but I'd just feel down, and needed to work out my emotions on my own, and
not inflict myself on him.

I had major PMS meltdowns.  I don't have those so much anymore, but in the
early days of our relationship, you could call me a volcano.  I'd have some
pretty fiery eruptions.

But the difference is now I don't have Ray's equilibrium to calm me down.
And because of Ray, my life had meaning, even though I was an emotional
basketball.

But I'm making progress in finding myself in this new life, slow but sure.
I'm trying hard not to be a toxic person.

Otherwise, I'd have to use that passport and go far, far away.

Margaret R. Kramer
margaretkramer at comcast.net
margaret.kramer at polarispublications.com
www.polarispublications.com

If you're going through hell, keep going.
-Winston Churchill